Welcome to Inkbunny...
Allowed ratings
To view member-only content, create an account. ( Hide )
Diary of an Applaud
« older newer »
Harpagornis
Harpagornis' Gallery (90)

Scrooge McDuck's Long Lost Sister Found

Napoleon's Death
matilda.txt
Keywords male 640444, female 520407, dragon 81049, rabbit 64617, human 46975, transformation 15710, the 14360, white 8472, snake 8384, disney 7889, duck 2114, ambiguous 752, news 142, matilda 87, gathering 85, takeshi 17, article 11, mcduck 8, phyrexian 7, nicol 5, bolas 5, magic: 3, michiko 3, konda 2, headlines 2, tamyio 1, scoorge 1, moonfolk 1
To this day, many mourn the disappearence of Scrooge McDuck's long lost sisters, Matilda and Hortense. To the shock of many, recent genetic studies and recently found historical documents may have revealed not only the final resting place for Matilda, but also a rather dark conclusion to her story. According to main investigator Tamyio, Matilda is actually Kamigawa's long gone mad tyrant, Lord Takeshi Konda.

"Our team of researchers have decided to examine Konda's petrified remains in search of any potential signs for immortality transfer" lunar researcher Tamyio said, "We broke them further apart and examined them under an aetherial microscope for any signs of lingering magic associated with what we were looking for. Instead, we found traces of a polymorphic spell that I have seen in some planes, but never in Kamigawa. For curiousity's sake, we examined any potential genetic imprints on the rocks just to be sure. We were suffice to say shocked, because they more closely matched an anatid's molecular structure rather than any mammal's."

"For confirmation, we turned to the Konda lineage's historical documents, and we found something astonishing. The pre-dynastic origins of the Konda lineage have been something of intense debate, but a newly recovered manuscript from Minamo's fault showcases a reccord of a large, white duck being grotesquely transformed into a human being. Previously, the very first members of the dynasty were depicted with bird-beaks, once thought to be a representation of their eloquence. It's now unambiguous that they are rather literal depictions of their appearence."

Comparations of the petrified DNA to all known ducks show that it best matches that of famous millionaire's long lost sister, Matilda McDuck.

"At first, we didn't want to believe it, but an examination of one of Matilda's disapparence's seventy known sightings showcases one particular event that may be her true fate."

Said sighting, Tamyio says, is the "Danville Apparition", a sighting usually dismissed as a hoax by Disney authorities. There are fourteen known variations, but they all focus on a mysterious purple portal opened by a demonic-looking dragon that opened a gateway to another dimension, melting Matilda's flesh and rearranging it into a monstruous visage. Variations include that this being was any manner of evil nether horrors from Yawgmoth to Pinkie Pie, whereas the shade of purple was magenta or indigo, or whereas the final destination was, usually interpreted to be Narnia. Tamyio believes that the destination was Kamigawa, that the shade of purple was lavender, and that the culprit is Nicol Bolas.

"First off, the aetherial traces are of a specific wavelength that produces lavender light, and also because we have recovered what appears to be a photo of the portal in Konda's personal chambers. Second, who the hell else would be?"

Reporters have since marched en masse to Nicol Bolas' relaxation dimension for confirmation. Here's what he had to say:

"Yes, my evil plan is finally going into motion! GOAT BALLS, IT WAS GOAT BALLS ALL ALONG!"

So, as it appears, the beloved, long mourned duck lady has ben horrifically transformed not onlyinto a human with a silly beard, but also one of Kamigawa's most detested politicians and the cause of over nine thousand deaths. There are still details that are debated, however, namely whereas Konda was actually Matilda, or one of her descendents.

"While the presence of an intense historical dynasty muddies waters somewhat, we believe Konda is the real Matilda" Jin-Gitaxias answers, "as polymorphic spells usually don't have such an enduring impact across an entire genetic generation. The previous Konda rulers were presumably other birds turned into humans, with Konda being the apex of this perfection. Indeed, while we sadly have no genetic imprints of other Kondas, Takeshi's DNA is a near perfect match of Matilda's."

On the onset of these disturbing revelations, Scrooge has gone missing, most believing that he has comitted suicide, based on gunshots heard in his vault. Michiko Konda/Kyodai is reported to be very ashamed and embarassed, refusing to answer any questions. Tamyio has expressed a desire to obtain samples from her, a plan that seemingly involves sending her flowers and buying her drinks.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
page
1
page
2
page
3
page
4
page
5
page
6
page
7
page
8
page
9
page
10
page
11
page
12
page
13
page
14
page
15
page
16
page
17
page
18
page
19
page
20
page
21
page
22
page
23
page
24
page
25
page
26
page
27
page
28
page
29
page
30
page
31
page
32
page
33
page
34
page
35
page
36
page
37
page
38
page
39
page
40
page
41
page
42
page
43
page
44
page
45
page
46
page
47
page
48
page
49
page
50
page
51
page
52
page
53
page
54
page
55
page
56
page
57
page
58
page
59
page
60
page
61
page
62
page
63
page
64
page
65
page
66
page
67
page
68
page
69
page
70
page
71
page
72
page
73
page
74
page
75
page
76
page
77
page
78
page
79
page
80
page
81
page
82
page
83
page
84
page
85
page
86
page
87
page
88
page
89
page
90
page
91
page
92
page
93
page
94
page
95
page
96
page
97
page
98
page
99
page
100
page
101
page
102
page
103
page
104
page
105
page
106
page
107
page
108
page
109
page
110
page
111
page
112
page
113
page
114
page
115
page
116
page
117
page
118
page
119
page
120
page
121
page
122
page
123
page
124
page
125
page
126
page
127
page
128
page
129
page
130
page
131
page
132
page
133
page
134
page
135
page
136
page
137
page
138
page
139
page
140
page
141
page
142
page
143
page
144
page
145
page
146
page
147
page
148
page
149
page
150
page
151
page
152
page
153
page
154
page
155
page
156
page
157
page
158
page
159
page
160
page
161
page
162
page
163
page
164
page
165
page
166
page
167
page
168
page
169
page
170
page
171
page
172
page
173
page
174
page
175
page
176
page
177
page
178
page
179
page
180
page
181
page
182
page
183
page
184
page
185
page
186
page
187
page
188
page
189
page
190
page
191
page
192
page
193
page
194
page
195
page
196
page
197
page
198
page
199
page
200
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
next
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
previous
page
 
 
page
1
page
2
page
3
page
4
page
5
page
6
page
7
page
8
page
9
page
10
page
11
page
12
page
13
page
14
page
15
page
16
page
17
page
18
page
19
page
20
page
21
page
22
page
23
page
24
page
25
page
26
page
27
page
28
page
29
page
30
page
31
page
32
page
33
page
34
page
35
page
36
page
37
page
38
page
39
page
40
page
41
page
42
page
43
page
44
page
45
page
46
page
47
page
48
page
49
page
50
page
51
page
52
page
53
page
54
page
55
page
56
page
57
page
58
page
59
page
60
page
61
page
62
page
63
page
64
page
65
page
66
page
67
page
68
page
69
page
70
page
71
page
72
page
73
page
74
page
75
page
76
page
77
page
78
page
79
page
80
page
81
page
82
page
83
page
84
page
85
page
86
page
87
page
88
page
89
page
90
page
91
page
92
page
93
page
94
page
95
page
96
page
97
page
98
page
99
page
100
page
101
page
102
page
103
page
104
page
105
page
106
page
107
page
108
page
109
page
110
page
111
page
112
page
113
page
114
page
115
page
116
page
117
page
118
page
119
page
120
page
121
page
122
page
123
page
124
page
125
page
126
page
127
page
128
page
129
page
130
page
131
page
132
page
133
page
134
page
135
page
136
page
137
page
138
page
139
page
140
page
141
page
142
page
143
page
144
page
145
page
146
page
147
page
148
page
149
page
150
page
151
page
152
page
153
page
154
page
155
page
156
page
157
page
158
page
159
page
160
page
161
page
162
page
163
page
164
page
165
page
166
page
167
page
168
page
169
page
170
page
171
page
172
page
173
page
174
page
175
page
176
page
177
page
178
page
179
page
180
page
181
page
182
page
183
page
184
page
185
page
186
page
187
page
188
page
189
page
190
page
191
page
192
page
193
page
194
page
195
page
196
page
197
page
198
page
199
page
200
The truth about Matilda McDuck (a Magic The Gathering crossover)

Keywords
male 640,444, female 520,407, dragon 81,049, rabbit 64,617, human 46,975, transformation 15,710, the 14,360, white 8,472, snake 8,384, disney 7,889, duck 2,114, ambiguous 752, news 142, matilda 87, gathering 85, takeshi 17, article 11, mcduck 8, phyrexian 7, nicol 5, bolas 5, magic: 3, michiko 3, konda 2, headlines 2, tamyio 1, scoorge 1, moonfolk 1
Details
Type: Writing - Document
Published: 5 years, 4 months ago
Rating: General

MD5 Hash for Page 1... Show Find Identical Posts [?]
Stats
50 views
0 favorites
0 comments

BBCode Tags Show [?]
 
New Comment:
Move reply box to top
Log in or create an account to comment.