I can't believe I'm writing this..
I can't believe I'm writing at all..
I mean, with all that happened.. er..
Ok, let me get back to.. pff.. has it been that long?
Somewhere in the spring of 2011 someone mentioned ponies to me. "Ponies?" I remarked incredulously. Our friendsgroup had had nothing to do with stables or any kind of farm animal before, and the subject was brought up seemingly out of nowhere.
"Ponies." They returned, as serious as ever. "They're taking over the internet, dude. Haven't you noticed?"
I stared at my friend, a big burly guy of 22 and a half years old, and blinked. "I'm sorry, did you say ponies?" I repeated, shaking my head in disbelief.
"Ponies, yes. My little ponies, to be exact."
"What, that children's show from the '80s?"
"No.. the new show? Friendship is Magic? You've not seen it?" he offered, raising an eyebrow.
I leaned back against the side of my car and shook my head. "Dude, why would I be watching a children's show?" I pushed a cigarette between my lips and reached into my pocket for my lighter. "Oh, damn.. Denise has my lighter. Mind if I borrow yours?" I wondered, looking up at my friend's face and noticing he was trying his best to stay calm. "What?"
"Ok, for one; you really should take your shit back home after spending a night there."
"She was still slee-"
"Two; It's not a children's show. Don't judge it until you've seen it. This thing goes deep."
I frowned. "How deep?"
"It'll make you cry." My friend offered, revealing his own lighter and holding it up for me.
"Psh.." I started, but the look on my friend's face made me fall silent. I took a draw from my cig and leaned back curiously. "It's that bad?" I jabbed, and immediately had to jump away as he tried to punch me in the arm! "Kidding, kidding!" I laughed, trying to dodge his next blow as well. "Take a joke, man.." I sighed, jumping over the fence around the porch as he didn't let up.
"Don't kid around the ponies." He snorted, backing away and punching the hood of my car instead.
"Hey, I just had it washed.." I frowned, leaning on the fence and shaking my head. "It's got to you that bad, eh? You softy? Ok, I'll give it a go. What channel is it on?"
That was.. March? I didn't really get to watching the show until the last couple of episodes of the first season, really. First one I watched was about some fillies running around wanting to get cutiemarks.. Silly children's show antics, I thought at the time.
My friend kept insisting it wasn't as good if I didn't watch the first episodes first, so I loaded the thing up on one of the sites it was featured at and started watching. Heck, I had all the time in the world. My girlfriends came a dime a dozen and most of them had an internet connection. And the more I watched, the more I started to notice the little tidbits in their rooms that were dedicated to the show.
Annie was knitting a little doll that looked surprisingly like Rarity, Denise slept under a Rainbow Dash blanket, and whatshername even had a couple of toys from the show. I won't lie; I was hot and I was exploiting my looks to get as many girls into bed as I could.
It wasn't like my home was a good place to be at anyway. My dad was drunk most of the time, hit my mom so often it seemed like he had a running tab at the doctor's office, the twins were going through puberty.. the girl kind.. I really didn't want to be in that house any more than absolutely necessary.
So I drove away. I was in my early twenties and the world was my oyster.
Slowly but surely, though.. the ponies were starting to get to me. I met up with my friend again. We chatted some about the regular.. and then the ponies came up again. And.. I found myself actually understanding what he was talking about. The intricate play between characters, the ups and downs in their lives.. for some reason everything started to make sense and add up. I saw the first season twice or three times before the second started.
"You know that's the same actor that played Q, right?" I offered to ... Alice.. or Anice.. or something starting with an A.. She was a blonde with a great rack. Good in bed as well; she at least shut up afterwards and let me rest.
She stared at me with a blank look. "Q?"
"From Star Trek.. Oh, don't worry.. my dad watches it over and over and over since someone bought him the VHS collection."
"Came before DVD? Oh, never mind.." I shrugged, turning back to the first episode of the second series. I was hooked by that time, and not in the good way. Even if it was on television on one of the channels somewhere, I was watching it online. And not paying for it.
I know, I know, bad me. I couldn't really afford it. Most of my money went into clothes, hairgel, keeping my car running.. You know, looking good. Rarity would've had a fine colt in me. Both of us were addicted to designer clothes and looking good in them.
So I watched the first two episodes of the second season back-to-back. I'd heard it was a double episode and cliffhangers don't sit well with me. And something struck me.
"I don't get it." I offered to Anastacia? I really don't know. She was painting her toenails on the bed.
"Don't get what?" she wondered, and I turned back to her.
"Discord just up and makes them believe something else. That's impossible, isn't it?" I frowned, never having been much of a believer in mind control.
She looked up from her toenails and shrugged. "Guys seem to be able to talk me into bed even if I know they're all jerks. Doesn't sound so impossible to me." she retorted, and I smirked. Did I feel a hint of remorse about having done the same? Maybe.. but it wasn't registering consciously.
"Look, babe.. you got a good figure and a good head on it. Of course I want to be with you. I don't know about any others, but you're my girl, you know?" I tried, and her face got hard.
"That's what you said to Lizzy as well, didn't you?" she snarled, and threw the open toenail polish at me. Before she could grab something else, I was out the window and running for my car. I might've thought of myself as the greatest womaniser since Casanova, but I was also a big chicken. I can handle verbal discussions, really. But if they start tossing things at me, I'm gone.
Back in the car, I looked down at my clothes and groaned as they were covered in toenail polish.. "Great.. there goes another hundred bucks.." I sighed, putting my car in reverse and backing out the driveway.
I blinked as my back tire rolled over something that wasn't pavement.
My front tire as well, and now I was getting worried. I shut down the car and got out, walking up to the front to see what I might've hit. "Don't let it be her cat, don't let it be her cat.." I repeated to myself, but nothing could've prepared me for what I saw lying on the pavement instead..
Now first off, I'm not crazy. I mean, I never had any hints that I was. I mean.. the following is going to be hard to accept, but please do. I'm.. well.. I couldn't believe it myself, really. I stared at the figure for what seemed like ages. If A.. A.. that girl would've ran after me instead of sobbing on her bed, she would've easily caught up with me.
But what I saw before me was.. well.. A pony.
A blue pony.
A blue, cell-shaded pony.
Again, I'm not crazy. There's nothing wrong with my head. There is no way in heaven or hell that I could've hit her, but I did.
I hit Trixie.
Trixie the magician.
Trixie the magician from the cartoon series Friendship is Magic.
I mean.. this made my head spin, ok? I stood there for what seemed like forever... Ok, I'm repeating myself. But I hope this all makes it very abundantly clear how immensely confusing and incredulous the situation was, ok?
I stood there, beside my car, looking down at Trixie the magician pony lying on the pavement with trackmarks over her flank.
She was still breathing, so that was good.. Cartoon character or not, she was a hurt animal and I could be taken into custody for hitting it. No blood, also good. I quickly scooped her up and put her down on the backseat of my car. Close door, get back in, close front door, start engine, DRIVE!
My tires screeched on the pavement as my car set itself in motion, and I drove halfway across town like a maniac possessed!
There was something that couldn't exist in the back of my car. I might be hallucinating. It might be me. I could've hit any other kind of animal whatsoever. My first thought was to bury it in the nearby forest. Nobody would find it there. Whether cartoon animal or other kind.. It was still alive, though.. but for how long? What internal injuries might she have? I could just leave her at the edge of the forest..
THERE WAS A CARTOON ANIMAL IN MY CAR!
I hit the brakes and my car slid sideways on the leafcovered dirt road until it came to a stop. I switched the engine off and turned on my seat to look behind me. Cell shaded. Blue coat. Cartoon animal.
I rubbed my eyes and looked again. Cell shaded, blue coat... cartoon animal.
As I stared at her, after rubbing my eyes another time, Trixie moved. I know it was Trixie. She might not have worn her hat or coat, but it clearly was the blue magician..
"Hng.. what hit Trixie?" she groaned, reaching up with a hoof to rub at her head.
I had no response. I was frozen on my seat, looking back. I was shocked to the core. She was not just a cartoon character.. but she could also TALK.. She WAS Trixie. She said it herself..
Her purple eyes opened up and she looked around herself. Her eyes settled on me and she frowned. "A human?" she sneered, and I swallowed. "A human." she repeated, squirming a bit in an attempt to get her hooves back under herself. She visibly winced as she tried, but got her hooves under her with the second attempt. "And what may be your name, human?"
I swallowed again, and looked away. "Er.." I started, and her right eyebrow raised. "I'm.." I continued, and Trixie rolled her eyes.
"Don't bother. It's not important." she snorted, glancing down to her flank and noticing the trackmarks on it. "Ah! And my coat is all dirtied by something! Is this your doing?"
I blushed and looked away and Trixie's tone of voice went from merely condescending to downright cold and accusing.
"It IS your doing, isn't it? Who gave you the right to do this to the Great And Powerful Trixie?" She snorted, and I looked down.
"It's not like I meant to. I just backed up and ffh.. frf.. ff?" I stopped as my mouth stopped responding as I had expected it to and reached for it. My lips had all but disappeared, leaving a small ring through which I could blow air and.. whistle a bit.. but not much else.
"Silence! The Great and Powerful Trixie has no time for petty excuses." Her eyes widened at her own words. "Oh! Time! What's the time? Trixie was already running short of it.. oh, what if the spell wears off too soon?"
I blinked at her change of demeanor and tilted my head. "Ffh?"
"Hm.. It's no use, Trixie will just have to take you with her." Trixie decided, and her horn started to glow.
With her? "Hff??" I started, but got hit by a dizzy spell as her magic touched me. I groaned and closed my eyes, rubbing my hoof to my head as the world around me changed.
Hoof. Yes, I said it.
As the dizzy spell wore off, I found myself sitting on the wooden floor of a wagon. A wagon with a sink and bookcase and bed, on which Trixie was laying. Her horn stopped glowing and she sighed tiredly, lying her head on her pillow. "Fuu.. Make me some tea." she ordered, closing her eyes.
Without a second thought I moved to stand up, lost my balance and ended up with my hooves sprawled out to all sides. Only then did the reality of the situation start to sink in. "Wait.. I got hooves?" I blinked, looking at the brown-coated hooves that used to be my hands.
"Of course you do, Fuu." Trixie remarked, her head lifting up to look over the edge of the bed to where I lay on the floor trying to come to terms with it all. "Trixie had to bring you with, and it's unheard of to have a human in Equestria."
"In... Equestria?" I repeated, trying to figure out how this whole hoof thing worked.
"Trixie is too tired for wordgames. Hurry up and make her some tea." Trixie sighed, disappearing again and, from the sound of it, dropping her head on the pillow again.
The feeling of my ears moving on my head to catch that sound.. it was so strange.. my hooves felt so alien to me.. my whole body.. I looked back and spotted my brown flanks going down to a blonde tail, and some tufts of my blonde mane caught my attention as I moved my head. "Wait a second.. I'm a pony?"
"Hmm-mm.." is all that came from the bed, sounding as if Trixie was half-asleep or just didn't care to answer.
"I'm a pony.." I repeated, trying to put my hooves underneath me as I had seen Trixie do. If you don't think of things like this, it actually is quite easy to do. Your body just moves very natural. Well, to me it did. With my hooves resting underneath me I actually felt kind of comfortable. But once I tried to stand up, I must've looked like Bambi trying to stand up for the first time. I was moving forward, backward, sideways, trying to find my center of gravity and my hoofing. Took a few moments and a snort from the bed to find it, but then I was standing. Tea.. There was a small kettle, and one of those old potbelly stoves with the stove pipe running up through the ceiling so the smoke could get out.
I reached for the kettle with my hands.. and promptly collapsed on the floor again. "Right.. hooves.." I chided myself, pushing up and staring at the kettle for a long while. This was quite the conundrum, no matter how much of My Little Pony I had seen.
"Use your magic.." Trixie sighed, having moved a bit in the bed to better observe my antics.
"My.. what?" I blinked, incredulously, and Trixie rolled her eyes.
"Your magic. You're a unicorn, so use your magic." she huffed, blowing some hair out of her eyes.
I stared at her, then looked up. There was a definite something sticking out from my forehead. It's strange how I hadn't noticed it before. It wasn't until I looked up and saw the thing move around as I moved my head around that it started to dawn on me. "Er.. how?" I wondered, not at all sure how to do this sort of thing.
Trixie narrowed her eyes at me and flicked her tail restlessly behind herself. "Think of the thing you want to do, channel it through your horn, and do it." she huffed, clearly getting annoyed with me.
I moved back to stare at the kettle. What did I want to do with it? I wanted to fill it with water. There was a sink, and a faucet, so there should be some running water.. Forget the how and why it would be there, little seemed to make sense right now anyway. So, kettle. Sink. Water. Fill... I focused and focused, and focused.. and..
"Channel it through your horn, Fuu." Trixie sighed, rubbing a hoof to her forehead. "It's not that difficult."
I frowned at her. "Look, it might not be that difficult for you, but I ffh.. ffh??" Trixie's horn glowed as she made my mouth unusable again, and I sighed out in defeat. "Fuh.." I muttered, turning my attention back to the kettle. Good.. here we go.. kettle, sink.. water.. focus on your horn.. A soft light started from where my horn protruded from my forehead, and the kettle started to wobble a little. I focused more on it, focused more on wanting to have the kettle move to the sink and it started to slide off of the stove and towards the sink.
"Don't let it.." Trixie started, breaking my concentration, and the light coming from my horn disappeared abruptly, sending the kettle dropping to the floor. Before it could hit it, Trixie had taken over and lifted the kettle back up to put it in the sink, her horn glowing brightly. "Tsk.. ok, Trixie will make the tea herself for now. You have to work on controlling your magic, Fuu." she sighed, clearly not happy with my slow progress.
"Fuu.." I whistled through my useless lips, and suddenly got why she kept calling me that. My ears tilted back on my head and I groaned, while dropping to the floor and shaking my head at how ridiculous it all was.
I must've fallen asleep as I lay there, as when I opened my eyes again it was night and Trixie was whimpering in her sleep. I knew my car had hit her twice, but I didn't get a chance to ask her how bad it was. I pushed up from the floor, stared down at my hooves for a second as they still felt strange to me, then looked over to the bed. Trixie was in pain, that much was clear. Every breath she took made her whimper, and her face was pulled in a mask of pain. I took a step closer and brought my face close to her flank, looking at the marks my car's tires had left on her. I had little knowledge of biology, but the marks had flattened her coat making the depression they caused on her skin look that much deeper. Regardless of whether she would be alright or not, she needed someone medical to have a look at her.
I turned around and headed for the door, staring at it intently. What was it again? Oh, right.. focus on what to do.. then focus through your horn.. or something.. I focused on the latch. It was an easy sliding one, and I probably could've slid it open with my hooves or mouth.. "Test.. test.." I tried, and smiled weakly. At least I could explain to whatever I found outside what the problem was.
The soft glow of my horn made the latch wobble and slowly slide open with the sound of metal sliding over metal, but finally it slid open fully and I could push the door open.
And then I stood still for the longest time.
Outside, the open fields of Equestria stared me in the face. Off in the distance, set against the side of a mountain, was the capital; Canterlot. I'd seen those buildings come by in the show a few times now. Over to my left, also in the distance, were the lights of Ponyville. It was marginally closer by, but would still be a bit of a hike. And the rest.. Fields of.. nothing. Trees, grass, the occasional river or lake.. It was so different from the world I came from with its megacities and fewer and fewer green spots between..
It was breathtaking, really, but Trixie's wheezing reached my ears again and I jumped out of the wagon and started to run. Or, well.. gallop. There was little thought behind it beside getting Trixie some medical attention. And the less I thought about my hooves, the easier it was to run with them.
The air rushed past my horn, my ears, through my coat.. I felt my mane and tail move behind me from the wind as I drew ever closer to Ponyville. I can't say it felt bad. Really, I still go out from time to time just to run around in the open fields.. er.. Well.. when she lets me.
There's a hospital in Ponyville. I noticed it from the red cross on it and ran straight to it. So many familiar sights along the way.. The farm Applejack and her family live at, the tree library that Twilight must've been sleeping in.. I rushed past them because I had a mission.
I bolted through the double doors of the hospital and promptly got my forelegs entangled, causing me to do half a somersault and end up on my back staring up at the ceiling as I slid another foot or two further from the momentum. I quickly rolled over and pushed up, looking around for a nurse. Fortunately there were a few, one of which was moving towards me with a look as if she wanted to say..
"Are you ok?" the nurse closest to me wondered, and I nodded frantically to her.
"I'm ok, but Trixie is not! I need a doctor, quickly.. she's not doing well. I need to get her a doctor. Please? Anypony?" I begged, freaked out beyond reason at it all. I hadn't come to terms with the whole ordeal yet, and seeing a cartoon hospital populated with cartoon nurses and.. it.. I just set my butt down on the ground and started to rub a hoof at the tears that came.
"Easy there.. it'll all be ok." the nurse offered, moving up to me and gently patting a hoof to my shoulder. "The doctor's with a patient right now but should be done in.."
"What's all this commotion?" a large colt wondered, dressed in a doctor's outfit with one of those shiny lens things strapped to his forehead. I started to giggle from the ridiculousness of it all, but shook my head at the same time.
"Er.. doctor, this filly came running in saying a "Trixie" was not doing well and needed your attention?" the nurse offered, looking helplessly at me.
My giggling stopped abruptly. "Wait.. a filly is a female pony..."
Three heads (two nurses and the doctor) started to move up and down slowly, passing glances between one another. "Yes.. Yes, it is." The doctor offered, moving a few steps closer and looking me over with a worried glance. "Are you sure you're doing alright, miss?"
I just blinked.
"Hm.. nurse, can you get me a.." the doctor started, but I quickly shook my head.
"I'm not important right now! Trixie is! I hit her with my car and now she's wheezing and not doing well at all, she needs medical attention and you're a doctor, and.. she's outside. It's a bit of a hike, I.. don't know how long.. I don't have a watch on me, but.. Stop looking at me like that. Just follow, ok?" I rambled, pushing up from the ground and turning my tail to the doctor before running out the door again. Behind me, I heard the doctor give the nurses some orders (one of which being that they should bring his satchel with them) and then I heard his hooves give chase.
I ran. I ran like I hadn't on the way there. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, as fast as the doctor could follow, as fast as I could while sort of remembering where I came from. I had to stop twice to catch my bearings in the darkness, but then the wagon came into view again and I sped up even more. As I reached the wagon, I was out of breath and I had left a bit of a distance between me and the doctor. It took him a minute to catch up, and I nodded towards the inside of the wagon.
He moved on inside, and I rolled over on my side trying to catch my breath.
It stayed quiet inside for a while, but then I heard Trixie whine out louder and mumble something as she woke up from the pain. The doctor mumbled something back, but no matter how I turned my ears I couldn't understand it. Off in the distance I saw a nurse appear with a satchel, and I focused on my horn with the idea of providing light. It worked, and I smiled weakly to myself. Trixie would get the help she needed. I closed my eyes as the nurse approached and the light of my horn died out as I lost consciousness.