The Digimon prank war, pt 1 of 2.
Secret Santa for Harleking xmas2021
In a darkened small studio apartment mostly lit by the blue and red neon ‘Chinese Take Out’ sign a flash of light leapt forth from the old Dell laptop. The flash landed on the faded and rank smelling green carpet., changing into the form of a blue furred monkey-like creature standing upright on a pair of three toed paws planted on the floor.
The form turned, a grin on its muzzle as it faced a blue imp-like creature sitting on a faded and stained blue recliner opposite a television tuned to a news channel.
“Chill, check out the camera feed at 2001:4860:4860::8888, quick! You need to see this!” she said, looking towards a large screen television sitting on top of a plank of wood raised up on cinder blocks.
The television was playing a news story as background noise.
“... an extreme solar storm coming from the sun expected anytime today lasting the next several days…”
The imp smiled back. “Heat, what did you do? I KNOW you can’t beat the penguin meat delivery to the vegetarian conference.”
“...may impact communications of unshielded devices…”
With a glance at the networked smart TV, the imp touched the network connection and instantly a browser opened, showing a camera feed of a private airplane hanger with jet airliners in the background. The feed switched to a guard shack near the entrance of the fenced off section of an airfield.
An audio feed came from the TV, sounding a little scratchy. but still recognizable as English.
“This is post 1, we have one visual contact, inbound from the southwest road! One hatchback coming at a high rate of speed towards the guardpost!”
“Acknowledged, post 1. Security, head to post 1 for backup. Secure all assets in-"
"POST 2 HERE! I show an inbound from northeast entrance road! High rate of speed, rusty pickup with 'Marcos Pizza' sign on top."
The vehicle racing to post 1 screeched to a stop, and a single figure jumped out to run towards the guard shack with a white flat box in hand.
The guard responded by pulling some sort of firearm, making the box holder stop and drop the box on the ground. More guards appeared from off camera, tackling the hatchback driver, who appeared to be a canine of sorts.
The camera view switched and the pickup had been boxed in by a couple of sedans similar to police cruisers. Multiple guards ran to the truck, where the driver threw his paws up at gunpoint.
"Post 1 here. Our inbound was trying to deliver a pepperoni pizza to our address. Contact name on his delivery form is 'Special Project 239 duty manager from 'Area 51!"
"POST 2 here! We have a similar story. Driver had a extra cheese pizza for 'Nevada Test Range crew, project 239, stealth avionics division'. Driver is a bunny who just wet his pants. Only has pepper spray on him."
"All personnel! Project is on immediate lockdown!"
Chill and Heat both laughed, turning off the tv.
“I’m saving that on the network drive.” said Chill as he manipulated the data stream. “You scored one pointon pranks. Next round I’m pulling ahead. We are at 3 to 2, your favor.”
A gurgling was heard coming from Heat’s tummy area.
“That took a lot out of me. I’m starved. Lets go eat.”
The imp-like digimon sniffed the air several times. “Looks like the special is combo #3 again.”
The two carefully walked out the door, across the shabby carpet and down the stairway. When they got to the outer door, they re-coded their appearance into a pair of bunnies to blend in.
They entered the well worn metal and cracked glass door of the “Many Lee’s Chinese” and as usual were met by a bunny turning to face the door as he spoke.
“Welcome to Many Lees! How can I be of serv-” said a middle aged bunny oriental bunny before stopping his speech. Mr. Chen owned the restaurant and the apartment above it they were renting. The day they inspected the apartment, Chen was polite and happy to serve. He collected the rent and deposits and changed personality immediately when maintenance was mentioned.
The “benefit” of one free meal a day at the restaraunt turned into a war-zone when he realized the two disguised digimon were NEVER going to buy anything extra to pad his profits.
“What do you want?" he demanded.
The two crossed the old grayish worn out vinyl tile floor, past the few occupied 1960’s style booths, and stood in front of the ordering counter. From the tables several patrons, including a shrew, Mrs Yang, known as the neighborhood gossip.
“Two specials. One extra spicy.” said Chill.
“So solly! No speakie Engrish!” shouted the middle-aged bunny. From behind the sales counter the two cooks turned to watch. They wanted to see what the American bunnies would do.
“Part of the rent means we eat here for free. Feed us!” yelled Heat. The workers in back started laughing and talking loudly to each other in Mandarin Chinese.
“Listen to her, if my woman was so loud I would pull her ears. She should let her mate deal with the boss.” said one of the cooks.
The owner turned around to face the two chefs. “Get back to work. This foreign devil whore means nothing,” he said in Mandarin.
The owner turned to Heat. “So solly. No understand.” he said with a smile.
All he needed to do was keep this up until the stupid western bunnies left.
The female bunny tapped her foot in irritation. “We want food! Now.”
“Food. You want go McDonalds!” said Mr Chen, bowing low like a coolie worker in an old bad movie. The nasty grin on his face showed he knew what was going on
In perfect Mandarin, Heat replied “Zou Zongtang ji! Liang zhi tuzi, yi tebie la! Ni zhenge jinu de erzi!”
Chill laughed. The owner turned red faced and shouted for the kitchen to start cooking.
“Don’t worry Mr Chen. Just give us the two orders of General Tso’s chicken combo. I don’t think you are REALLY the ‘son of a prostitute’. Daniella is just hungry.” said the male bunny with a grin.
In a mid-level windowless office at the cybercrime division of the FBI a phone rang on a desk. A paw of a striped skunk reached out, pressed a button to answer on speakerphone.
“A.D. Stanks here."
“Assistant Director Stanks, Sir...we checked and found a trace at the camera penetration of Project 239. The cameras were accessed remotely. All the logs from the initial access were wiped, but it looks like the new offsite trace found a signature linked to a file transfer to a public file storage area.”
“Good work, Agent Jenk. Get the technicals to trace back anything they can. Spare no expense.”
Heat finished the last of his spicy chicken dish, burped loudly. He stood up and threw his styrofoam container in the dirty plastic trash can lined with a store shopping bag. He turned and flopped back down on the recliner, immediately letting out a pained screech and jumping back up.
“What happened to you?” asked Heat.
“The damned spring got me!” yelled out Chill, grabbing his hindquarters.
Looking at the chair, a spring finally ripped through the cushion. Close inspection showed the top of the spring had a broken off coil and the wire had a wicked point on it, with a spot of fresh blood on the tip.
Heat ran over and jerked Chill’s pants down from behind, making him yell in surprise.
“Stop moving! Im checking to see how bad you are,” said Heat, lifting his bunny tail, and seeing a small cut on his butt only a couple inches to the side from his ballsack.
“You almost got stabbed in the nuts!” she said, putting a napkin over the spot.
“Ow! Don’t touch it.”
“Stop complaining. This will help you heal faster in this form.”
“We told that asshole the furniture was broken! Now I wont be able to sit for a week. That stab in the butt is gonna drive me craz-”
He stopped complaining when he heard a "click" noise. Turning around he saw her taking a picture of his ass and lower bits with a cell phone cam.
"I guess I'll have to post this."
"That doesn't count!"
She quickly accessed the browser on the smart television, and quickly fired off an order for furniture and a new carpet.
"We'll have a new chair and couch tomorrow afternoon. I pulled money from those expense accounts for the '$200 hammers'. I get another point!"
"Why do you get a point?"
"I transferred the money to Chen's account before ordering it. He's gonna pellet in his pants when he gets the invoice."
"...fucking stinks like a skunk with the shits!"
Stenks exited the men's room stall and strutted up to a tiger and llama facing each other at the row of sinks.
"WHAT the FUCK did you just say, Dengleburg?" demanded the skunk.
The tiger spun, eyes wide with a look of dismay.
"N-no, sir! I didn't mean...I wasn't...talking.."
"Do you need to check my ass to make sure I wiped?"
"N-no sir, Mr Assistant Director sir...the LOGS were bad. I LIKE skunks, sir…"
"You like skunks?" asked Stenks in a much friendlier manner.
"Yes Sir. I always liked skunks sir. One of my best friends was a skunk growing u-"
"So I guess I should BRING YOU HOME to let you FUCK MY SISTER!"
"Get the FUCK back to WORK, Dengleburg!"
The tiger raced off, not even washing his paws.
The llama spoke up. "Sir, he was complaining about the logs being hard to trace, that's all.'
"I know. But I needed to light a fire under his ass, to make him work faster. He has been hanging out bitching about work instead of working."
"So how do I look?" asked Chill. He had changed appearance again, looking like a teenage bunny boy, grey fur and blue eyes.
"Different but cute."
"Good. Here is yours ". Chill transmitted an image template and a history file for the identity.
"Why do we need to be 13 year old bunnies?"
"We're gonna earn some points. I'll show YOU who the master prankster is."
"We're going to junior high school."
"We need to research before we go." said Heat, turning on the television set to a teen show.
The picture occasionally cut out or became fuzzy but was watchable. It looked easy. All you need to do is hang out in the lunchroom with a group and occasionally answer a question in class.
There was a frantic knock on his office door.
"Come!" yelled Paul Stenks.
The door opened quickly and a nervously panting tiger ran in.
"We have a location, Sir. We know where the hackers are. They are in a shitty apartment above Chinese take out.
"Go get them! Cut The internet so they can't delete any files."
(Continued in part 2.)