Haha, oops, these are starting to get longer... Patrons of my Patreon get to appear in these fun monthly reports! Spooky or weird short stories about what they've been up to the past month. This one's a lil late :P[hr]Senior Agent Wheaton Adams has finally regained the use of his original body through the use of a quantum lattice prism, a decommissioned hadron collider, and a 200 kg block of natural clay. After a week of physical therapy and rehabilitation, he requested immediate work and thus was given the relatively simple task of cataloging instances of the appearance of a local cryptid. Simply known as "The Racer", sightings of a figure in a full motorcycle outfit and opaque visored helmet have been reported on and off since 2003. Meant to be a rather mild investigation into a presumed hoax, Adams' report indicates that after following a rather extensive trail of clues across the southern European continent, he was apparently being stalked by a figure in a white racing outfit. Spotted only at a distance, through trees or from behind windows, this figure followed the agent across several hundred miles of travel. Apparently only safe when taking safe haven in a church (as everyone knows, The Racer is scared of bells) Adams returned home safely - only to report that an identical racer's helmet had mysteriously appeared in his closet. Surveillance is ongoing on the helmet.
Secret Agent Avia Jiutai was assigned to investigate and communicate with a sentient colony of glow worms in a remote Myanmar forest. With careful observation and knowledge gleaned with his experience with an extraterrestrial species of sentient tree, Jiutai was able to create a rough "Rosetta Stone" for their exotic colony language. After weeks of conversation, including lots of cultural notes and at least one humorous anecdote about a neighboring village's farming techniques, the colony as a whole revealed its motivation for reaching out in communication: it seemed to be seeking asylum. The agent was unable to discern the cause of threat, but has requested political asylum on behalf of the glow worm colony that appears to communicate through a hive-like consensus of flashes and hues. Extraction teams have been sent to relocate the colony to a greenhouse in lower Egypt. The colony's request still requires specific definition but is as follows: "IT COMES. IT EATS. STRANGER. OUT OF PLACE. FOLDING. BRIDGE. HUNGER." Although extensive research was done into the surrounding area there were not bridges of significance found that might have been causing the isolated colony concern.
Secret Agent Gedat Rakkin detected strange outer space signals during a routine observation of satellite noise. After several runs through filters and analysis, the agent recognized the signal as a voice. Eventually, a name was given, and, after cross-referencing, Rakkin identified the speaker as Pihu Rai, one of the first astronauts of India's space program. This astronaut was famously 'lost' in 1991 after a thruster malfunction sent her out of Earth's orbit. Signals from her craft persisted for three months, growing increasingly irate. Presumed dead, if these signals are legitimate, it would place Rai's age at over 85 years. Rakkin consulted with a translator fluent with the language who reports that the messages received are, roughly translated, "Stop me. Stop me, don't let me back. Gods help me, keep me away." More details as to the exact nature of this warning have not yet been uncovered, but the signal is considerably closer to earth than the final broadcasts from 1991.
Rumors circulating online regarding apparent ghost sightings activated by a recalled virtual headset released by Naga Computers in 2029. Secret Agent Victor was tasked to investigate these claims. Specific conditions seem to vary, but it seemed a specific wireless frequency run at the right time of day gave Victor the best results: long, glowing, worm-like apparitions were reported by the agent as appearing though the VR screen. Though initially scared, Agent Victor reported the sightings to be harmless and even friendly - using the gloves designed for the headset, the agent reports they were able to interact with these worms and 'pet' them. A careful analysis of the virtual reality software shows no indication that these worms are part of a game or part of the programming or GUI. Research is ongoing and Agent Victor has been requested to feed the creatures and investigate how to apply collars and leashes as to adhere to local pet laws.
Special Agent Arukino reported sightings of spectral anomalies in his home. The day before Christmas Eve, a deceased business partner from Arukino's previous employment was said to have appeared and offer foreboding warnings, fleeing the scene before apprehension. Webcam security footage reveals no visual presence of the anomalies but the microphone recorded the faint sound of chains. On Christmas Eve, the spectral presence of a child and an older, portly gentleman, appeared in the agent's home - only to be captured by experimental spiritual containment units that Arukino had preemptively laid about the house after the prior warning. The two were taken into custody; when questioned, the child warned of a third ghost meant to appear later in the night, although his presence was never confirmed.
Special Agent Ziggy Mazewalker was sent to investigate an unusual case of vandalism in the New Cairo Museum of Fine Art. When the stars in Kanika's landscape painting, River of Fire, depicting the Great Faiyum Fires, had changed overnight with no alarms being triggered, special investigation was requested by museum security. All paintings are kept behind glass and monitored by cameras and motion detection lasers, and while Ziggy's review of security footage confirmed that no one had swapped the painting or defaced it, it revealed that the stars in the painting may have been changing on a regular basis, seemingly in time with the lunar calendar, for as long as high-definition security footage was available. An art historian was called in to find records of the somewhat obscure painting and discovered in old publications that River of Fire, was reported to have been changing 150 years ago. After further study, Agent Ziggy claims that the changes coincide with an ancient numerical system used by Lower Nile tribes and appear to be counting down towards zero - at its current rate, the countdown should end in September of this year, though to exactly what it is not known. Despite protests from the art community, the painting has been moved to a secure location for further study.
Although records indicate that all but two gaming cabinets had been recalled and destroyed or re‑purposed, another covert SIU recruitment arcade machine, Wavemotion, wirelessly transmitted a signal to SIU headquarters last month. Special Agent Kouroth was sent to Tetyushi, Russia, where the signal had been triangulated. There, in the basement of an abandoned primary school, was a fully functional cabinet of Wavemotion. This experimental flight simulator from 1983 was designed to test the player's third-eye awareness by use of ultra high frequency sounds and light waves extending beyond normal visual range. This cabinet's high score - a score placing the player in the top 5th percentile of all SIU agents on record - was labeled with the initials СПА. This, along with internal cameras built into the machine, lead Kouroth to the discovery of Spartak, a 10 year old local boy whom Agent Kouroth described as incredibly quick-witted and personable. Negotiations with Spartak's parents for potential recruitment are ongoing, as is the investigation of the reappearance of this arcade cabinet.
The American government sent a special request for investigation into the town of Plumsted, New Jersey, a mostly abandoned town on the edge of the 1998 Oyster Creek nuclear disaster with a population of 58 in the 2030 census. According to local reports, the town was said to have suddenly become empty over the course of two months. Special Agent Chaz Gates was sent to investigate and indeed found that no citizens remained. There were minor signs of struggle, but no bodies were found and most homes were left open and in use, as if citizens had disappeared mid-meal. Gates explored further in towards the Oyster Creek meltdown site, and reported several strange mutated creatures, described as extremely tall quadrupedal deer whose skin was fused with a silver metal. Though not hostile, the creatures were extremely insistent on staying close to the agent, who reports increased headaches when in proximity to them. After noticing scraps of clothing on the creatures, she decided to investigate their habitats further, for fears that they had preyed upon the town. Instead, she discovered several younger metal animals in the process of emerging from cocoons of matted fur or scale. Based on remaining clothes and personal effects, the agent concluded that these mutated animals were, in fact, the missing townspeople, apparently transformed into new lifeforms by local radioactive contaminants. A unit of researchers has been dispatched to investigate further.
After careful investigation into computer glitches in the national power grid, Special Agent Neo has discovered that the Wellington Monument of Dublin is a hologram, and may have been one for at least 20 years. Having apparently been irreparably damaged during a botched repair job, Agent Neo suspects that the local government decided to secretly install a hologram of the monument until a proper replacement could be constructed. However, thanks to political unrest and bureaucratic mismanagement, this covert project became 'lost' and it is unknown if the original statue is still somewhere awaiting repairs. Apparently, all visiting citizens over the past 20 years either didn't notice or didn't care to bring up that the monument was incorporeal. For the sake of national security, and to soothe verbose aesthetic and metaphysical philosophy debates raging in the SIU common room about the contradictions the unrepaired and potential replacement statues may cause, this fact has been declared an SIU secret and has been filed under potential blackmail.