Forbidden Chapter 15 --
One Step Closer
``I'm named Rei!''
Alex cradled the small rabbit in his arms as he lowered himself gently into Jasyn's father's recliner, ``Are you now?''
``Y-yeah.'' Luke did his best to restrain his stutter as he nodded, ``He never could pronounce his full name, so we shortened it to that.''
``Full...'' Jasyn coughed, also trying to appear as casual as possible, ``...uhm...full name? You didn't say anything about that, before.''
``Oh, yeah...sorry.'' The raccoon traced his toes on the carpet, ``I named him Reinao, but he kept saying `Reno,' so I just shortened it to Rei.''
``This is so cool!'' Alex lifted the rabbit up, nuzzling him, ``I've only ever seen one other pet like this.'' He looked away from Rei, and at Luke, ``Remember, I told you Matt has a dragon?''
``Yeah.'' Luke motioned his head at Jasyn, ``Jasyn told me some more about him today, too...''
Alex sat the rabbit down in his lap again, ``Matt or Sirrus?''
``Sirrus.'' Luke scratched his knee, finding it hard to control his fidgeting, ``Apparently, he's very playful...?''
``Oh yeah!'' Alex nodded emphatically, ``Is Rei?''
``Well, tell me about him!'' The fox chirped, ``I don't know much about Sirrus, either. I mean...is he a person, or just a talking feral?''
``I'm a rabbit!'' Rei looked up happily at the fox, who just smiled back and petted him.
``I'm not really sure.'' Luke shrugged, ``My parents bought him for me because we all just thought he was cute. I'd always wanted something like him: something small and cute and a little more exotic than just a feral dog or cat. Something like a bunny or ferret or squirrel or something...'' He caught himself rambling, but didn't bother to stop, feeling Alex's questions warranted a longer response, ``But we had no clue he could talk. He just...kind of started mimicking me after a while. I think it's really cool, but my parents don't seem to like it very much. They think he's annoying.''
``Luke's parents yell...'' Rei flopped over in Alex's lap.
``That's awesome!'' The fox responded to Luke as he scratched as Rei's chest, ``I think Matt said he got Sirrus from somewhere special...somewhere that like, deals in these kinds of pets. I guess you lucked out, finding him before he started talking, huh?''
``Thanks for bringing him!''
A silence fell over the three. It was a tense, awkward silence for Jasyn and Luke, but Alex was too absorbed in the rabbit to notice. While Jasyn struggled to even look at the other two furs in the room, and Luke rubbed nervously at various parts of his body -- his arms, legs, and neck - Alex simply sat, showering Rei in petting and attention.
After a bit of silence, Alex gently sat the rabbit on the floor by his feet, letting him run about as he turned his attention back to his friends. ``Sorry I got here so late. I hope you two had fun without me.''
``Yeah!'' Luke yipped enthusiastically, before stumbling nervously into another rambling response, ``Err...I mean...not a whole lot, or anything. We didn't really do much, actually. I mean, we had some fun and talked plenty, but we were...y'know...we were waiting on you. I'm not...not sure if he really wants to be my friend yet, but Jasyn was really nice this time, too...or...I should say, I mean...nicer than before, anyway.''
At the opposite end of the couch from the raccoon, Jasyn's leg shook. He grew more and more visibly nervous as Luke spoke, but he, himself, stayed quiet.
``Beautiful?'' Alex turned a concerned eye on his boyfriend, ``You're being really quiet. Is everything okay?''
``Uhm, yeah, Love.'' Jasyn stilled himself and offered the fox a forced, uneasy smile ``No worries: everything's fine. I was just, uhm, letting you two talk, y'know? I don't really...have anything to say about Rei, after all. He's not mine, right?''
``Right.'' Alex responded slowly, cautiously eyeing the wolf, ``So...did everything go okay without me?''
``Yeah...I guess.'' Jasyn shrugged and looked away.
``L-like I said.'' Luke smiled wide, but continued his fidgeting, ``Lots of talking.''
``Okay...seriously: both of you are acting really weird.'' Alex gulped as his eyes darted between the two, ``Did...did something happen I should know about?''
``N-no!'' Luke shook his head in protest, ``Everything's fine. Nothing bad happened!''
``Yeah.'' Jasyn looked back at the fox with a nod, ``Everything's cool...''
``No.'' Alex shook his head, his breaths shakier and his brow furrowed, ``Seriously...neither of you are acting like yourselves. I...I'm really getting really worried here.'' He looked right at the wolf, who couldn't manage to keep eye contact with him, ``Just...just be honest with me, and tell me what's going on. I promise...whatever happened...it'll be okay. Just...just tell me.''
``It's...it's nothing, really.'' Jasyn shook his head and took in a shaky breath, ``We...were just talking about Sirrus...right? He came up because of Rei. I was telling Luke how playful he was...and, just like you did, I asked if Rei was playful too.''
``And that got us into talking about me...'' Luke added quickly, ``...and I was telling him how big of a virgin I am.''
``And...we uhm...we were just kind of comparing notes.'' Jasyn motioned his paw at the raccoon as he turned to look at him, ``I shared a little bit about what me and you've done...''
``...and I talked about how jealous I was, because I hadn't ever even kissed anyone.''
Alex eyed the raccoon, focusing on one word in what he said, ``Is that...HADn't...or HAVEn't...kissed anyone?''
Jasyn just winced at that, drawing the fox's eyes to him instead.
Alex's eyes drooped farther, ``Someone...tell me what happened.''
``They kissed!'' Rei's voice popped up from the floor.
Every muscle in Jasyn's body tensed, like he'd been hit by the rabbit's words, and he quickly looked away from everyone in the room, as Luke reflexively hugged himself. Alex's response, though, was slower. At first, he'd barely heard it, but when once it registered, a numb warmth washed across his body, and his sight attached itself to a small point on the carpet. His arms went nearly limp and he just blinked, listening to the sounds of Rei already playing with his toys again.
Slowly, the fox raised his head and looked at his boyfriend, ``Jasyn?''
The wolf, his jaw quivering, looked back at Alex, ``I...I don't know what...I...I just...'' He stammered to attempt an explanation, ``He said he'd never kissed anyone...and...he didn't know how, so...''
``So you volunteered to show him?'' Alex cut him off, his voice almost a whimper.
``Alex...Love...I'm so sorry.'' Jasyn held up his paws, ``He wanted to know...and...and I was...I was...like you wanted, I was trying to be his friend...and...''
``His friend?'' Alex yelped with an exasperated breath.
``God...that's such a shitty excuse.'' Jasyn lowered his forehead into his paws, ``I'm sorry. There's no excuse. The truth...the truth is that I...I wanted to do it...so I did it. And I shouldn't have. Oh God...Alex...please forgive me.''
The silence crept around them again as Alex looked back at the carpet. After a long pause, he began with a mutter, ``I...'' He struggled to get the sentence out, ``I was supposed to be your only one.''
``Alex?'' Jasyn looked up from his paws.
``Before me...'' Alex's gaze stayed on the floor, ``...you...you'd never kissed another guy.''
``No...no...'' Jasyn stumbled to his feet only to fall back to his knees before the recliner and his fox. Unabashedly, he laid his head in Alex's lap, pulling himself close and gripping his boyfriend tightly. ``Oh God, Love. I'm so, so sorry. Please, please forgive me. Tell me what I can do. Tell me what to do to fix this, please.''
Another long silence followed before the fox spoke.
``I'm sorry.'' Alex lightly petted the wolf's head, running his finger tips through Jasyn's fur.
Silently, Jasyn raised his head, and Alex cradled the wolf's chin in his paws.
``You shouldn't have to do anything.'' Alex looked into his boyfriend's eyes, ``It's...just a kiss. And after everything you've done...I should be able to...'' He paused with a gulp, ``...of course I can forgive you. It's just...it was supposed to be something special, you know? Being the only guy that you'd do anything like that with: the only guy you'd...'' He sighed, ``...be gay for.''
Jasyn nodded, adding what little comfort he could, ``You know...you're still the one that I changed for, right, Love?''
``I know, Beautiful.'' Alex took a deep breath and let go of Jasyn's face, while still looking him in the eye, ``Just...just be honest with me, Jasyn. Did anything...'' He shook his head, ``...what else happened?''
``Just tell me.'' Alex cut him off again, ``I can handle it...and everything will be okay. I just...I just need to know.''
Jasyn rubbed the back of his neck. ``Should I...''
``...as bluntly as possible.'' Somehow, Alex knew the question before the wolf could ask it.
Jasyn took a few deep breaths, and looked down at Alex's lap, ``...his dick was out...and in my paw.''
Alex winced and closed his eyes tightly, and after just a few seconds, he rocked with a light sob. Jasyn moved closer, and the fox gripped the wolf's paws tight, trying to steady himself after the news.
``I'm so sorry!'' Luke nearly yelled, ``This is all my fault. I wanted it, and I convinced him a kiss would be okay. It was all me.'' His footpaws, now, were on the couch, and he was hugging his knees, ``And...and then I was tented and I just...I lead the whole thing, and it's not his fault, please don't be mad at him. I did this. I caused it all. I...''
``Shut up, Luke.'' Jasyn looked back at the raccoon, ``You know that's not true. I did it on my own; there's no excuse. I couldn't control myself...and I don't need you protecting me. It's my own fault.''
``No...'' Alex's voice was barely above a whisper, ``...it's mine.''
``What?'' Jasyn looked back at him.
``It's...'' He spoke louder, looking, again, into his boyfriend's eyes, ``...it's because I won't put out. I...I told you I wasn't ready to be topped...a-and I've only sucked you off once. You said you were okay with it, but you weren't, and now you're all pent up and looking elsewhere! I'm sorry. I...I'm not...I'm not satisfying you...''
``Alex! Love, no!'' Jasyn gripped the fox's arms, and leaned in closer, ``You have every reason to be hesitant with all of that! A-after what Peter did, you have every right. Alex, I'm so sorry!'' He shook his head, ``Please don't think like that. That had nothing to do with it.''
``Didn't it?'' Alex's gaze dropped.
``Of course not!'' Jasyn lifted the fox's muzzle again, ``I've only been...gay or whatever I am for, what, two months? I'm...you know...I'm still trying to ease into this, anyway. How could I be upset that you're not ready? I'm not ready either.''
``But you were ready for Luke?''
Jasyn winced again, and sunk away, letting go of the fox.
Alex shook his head, ``Sorry...no. That came out wrong...'' He rubbed his forehead, ``You misunderstood. I think...I meant that in a good way.''
``What?'' Jasyn's head tilted slightly, one ear up.
``I mean...shouldn't I really see this as a good thing?'' Alex shrugged, ```Cause, two months ago, you'd never even considered doing anything gay...and now you're...pawing off another guy. So, maybe I should look at it as a good sign.'' Softly, the fox smiled for the first time since this began. ``You're getting gayer.''
``Uhm...'' Jasyn rubbed the back of his neck, ``I guess?''
``I mean, it's true, isn't it?'' Alex maintained the gentle smile, ``You said it yourself: you did it because you wanted to.''
Reluctantly, the wolf nodded, ``Yeah.''
``So, see?'' Alex rubbed the wolf's paw, ``It's a sign you're more into all of this than before...right?''
Jasyn turned his paw over to hold his boyfriend's, ``Looks like it.''
``So...'' Alex drew in a deep breath and widened his smile, ``I think...I think I'd like to know more. Could you...uhm...could you tell me more about what happened?''
Jasyn blinked, ``You...want specifics?''
``Yeah.'' The fox nodded, ``If I'm gonna' look at it like it's...progress for you, then I should at least know how MUCH progress, right? So...I want you two to tell me what all went on.'' He turned his head to look at Luke, ``What all did Jasyn do?''
Still hugging his knees, the raccoon responded with a murmur, ``The...uhm...the kiss? Or after?''
``Well, I...I stood up....'' Luke looked at Jasyn for reassurance, for a sign that the wolf condoned him answering. Met with a slight nod from the older fur, Luke continued, ``And...he just kind of grabbed my...my...
``His tent.'' Jasyn helped the raccoon.
``My tent...'' Luke nodded, ``...and made me sit back down.''
``Like...'' Alex looked between the two, ``...he pulled you down by it?''
``Yeah.'' Luke felt his sheath stirring again, just at the thought of the first paw that had touched him there, other than his own, ``And then...he unzipped me and pulled me out...and started pawing me off.'' He looked down, unable to make eye contact with the fox.
``Did you like it?''
Luke nodded, ``O-of course...''
Luke looked up at Alex. The fox wasn't looking at him anymore. His smile had relaxed, but not yet faded, and his eyes were on his wolf.
Jasyn took in a breath, ``I did.''
``What...'' Alex squeezed his paw, ``...what all was going through your head?''
``Lots of things.'' Jasyn let out a soft, nervous chuckle, ``Could you...uhm...be more specific?''
``Okay...'' The fox nodded and thought for a moment, ``...what were you wanting to do?''
Alex's smile widened again, pleased with the earnestness, ``Go on...''
``I...'' Jasyn gulped and closed his eyes, ``I was just so turned on by...just by seeing at him in my paw. Es-especially since he's so...he just looks so different. He doesn't look anything like a canine down there.''
``So, you were really enjoying it?'' Alex brushed the wolf's chin to make him open his eyes and look at him again.
Looking back at the smiling fox, Jasyn just nodded, ``The feel of it...the smell...everything. And...you know? I wasn't even thinking that it was weird or anything, this time...you know, that I was doing something with a guy. I was just...I was just really turned on.''
``So is it...'' Alex leaned in closer, ``It's really something you're wanting, now? I mean...to be with another guy?''
Jasyn nodded, ``I think so.''
``Yes.'' The wolf touched his nose to the fox's.
``What?'' Jasyn recoiled, parting their noses.
``Are you still turned on by the idea of doing something with Luke?'' The smile was still there, but Alex's eyes were set and serious.
Jasyn wanted to protest. He wanted to argue with the fox to protect his boyfriends feelings, but he'd been honest this far, and a lie wasn't what Alex wanted. Why start now? ``Yes.''
``Then, I think you should still do it.''
``WHAT!?'' Luke's head shot back up from his knees.
``Alex...Love?'' Jasyn leaned farther back, his ears flat and his eyes narrowed, ``What are you talking about?''
``Just that...if you want to do something with him...'' The fox's smile was still warm and genuine, and he squeezed Jasyn's paw again, ``...then you should do it.''
Jasyn shook his head, ``Alex...''
``No, really: I'm serious.'' The fox halted his boyfriend's protests, ``I mean...just think about it: we could make it be, like...a threesome, right? You could get to finish what you were doing with Luke...like I know you want to. But I would be there, so it wouldn't be, y'know...cheating.''
``You'd...be there?'' Jasyn blinked and shook his head, trying to make sense of Alex's proposal, ``Like, you'd just be watching, or you'd be involved?''
``That's just it!'' Alex's smile widened and his ears perked, ``I'm not even sure how much I'm ready for, yet, right? But in this situation, there wouldn't be any pressure on me to...to please you, because Luke would be there!'' He motioned toward the raccoon, ``He could take care of your...needs...and I'm sure take care of his own in the process, right? And I would only have to involve myself as much as I was comfortable with. So...it would be like...it would be one step closer to me being able to finally have sex with you...without thinking about Peter. It would be one step closer to me being able to REALLY give myself to you.''
``Love...you...'' Jasyn shook his head solemnly, ``...you don't have to do something like this just for me.''
``But no! It's not just for you. It's for me and Luke too.'' Alex motioned at Luke again, ``You've gotta' know he wants it, too, right? And it could only help make the two of you closer friends, too. But then, as for me...'' He touched his paw to his chest, ``I said it would be a big step for me getting more comfortable, right? But it would be one for you too! It'll help me get over Peter and be more comfortable with sex in general, but it'll be one step closer to you finally being comfortable -- really and completely comfortable -- with gay sex specifically. And...really, how is that anything but a good thing for me?''
Feet away, Luke listened intently. He could barely believe what he was hearing. It was like a dream: like a fantasy come true. He'd wanted to do something, anything, for so long, and now he might really have the chance. He prayed it wasn't a joke.
But at the same time as his sheath swelled, his stomach quivered. As appealing as the whole thing was, he was scared too. What would they do with him? Did HE have any say in the situation? Why was he just being volunteered like this without his opinion even being asked?
In the end, though, he stayed silent. Too much of him wanted it to happen for him to protest. And the rest of him was too desperate for friends to risk upsetting them worse than his earlier indiscretions may already have done.
Jasyn grinned back at his fox, still smiling down at him widely. The wolf knew he wanted this, but he couldn't even consider it if his fox didn't. ``Are you sure this is something you want, Love?''
``Are you kidding me?'' Alex yipped happily, his ears perked high, and every trace of his earlier sadness faded away, ``Even if I'm not comfortable involving myself in it...I can still watch! It'll be like live porn...except starring the hottest wolf I know.''
``If you're sure.''
``I am, Beautiful.'' Alex nodded.
``B-but just remember, you can call it off whenever you want.''
``Won't need to.''
``Luke?'' Jasyn looked back at the raccoon, ``What about you?''
Wide eyed, dry mouthed, and hesitant, the raccoon could only manage a tiny nod.
``You sure?'' The wolf smiled playfully, ``We don't have to.''
``NO!'' Luke perked up, frantically shaking his head, ``Err...I mean, no. I'm sure. I'm sure.''
Alex let go of his boyfriend's paw, ``Let's take it to your room, then, Love.''
Jasyn stood first, and offered his fox a paw. As Alex took it and pulled himself to his footpaws, Luke slid cautiously from the couch and moved to their sides. Of all of them, the raccoon was the most notably tented, and his ears were laid back, embarrassed at his obvious excitement.
Alex took his wolf's paw and placed it on Luke's bulge...just where he'd been told it was before he arrived. Jasyn gave the fox a devious grin and squeezed. Luke shivered.
``Show him the way.'' Alex pointed toward the stairs toward Jasyn's room.
The wolf tugged on Luke's tent, pulling him along toward the stairs, ``Come on.''
Alex followed along behind them, and, out of their sight, his smile faded.
He was still hurt, but he couldn't let Jasyn see. He'd believed everything he'd said. This would be a great step forward for both him and his wolf, and he really believed it was the right thing to do.
But, in the end, it was really a thank you. It was a thank you to his best friend and boyfriend who had done so much for him, shown him so much love, and been there for him through everything. After everything Jasyn had done and been for him, the least Alex could do was forgive him his little transgression, and give him this little thank you...this little treat.
Alex put his smile back on as he ascended the first step of the stairs.
Jasyn deserved that much.