The most saddening feeling I will ever know of this world..the most deepest pain...is the thought of you giving up on yourself. Of your voice turning to silence, and your eyes looking onward to nothing. And I'm sure...some people would shrug at the thought of that.
" What do you care? "
" No one cares about my feelings, about my life, about me. "
" It's not like I'm worth being cared about in the first place. "
Thoughts like these...they're powerful..but they isolate us. We grow so damn certain about these things because that struggle against them is there each and every day. We crumple under that weight with the growing sense that is the one truth, and only truth in this world.
We stop hearing the encouragement and begin to see it as mocking, as a lie. Some would say things like you and me have been weak for the way we have felt..but these painful things we feel..they're powerful...they don't just go away, because they're OUR belief. They're the one thing we've come to understand..that's why it is so painful, and so hard to see otherwise.
It took a lot of years of working with that pain, that numbness, that anxiety and disbelief to finally see differently. Change like that...it's the closest thing I know to magic. It's not something that was taught to me, and it is not something that can be taught. Maybe it happens after so many years of encouragement from the people you meet along the way, maybe it comes down to challenging the way you've been thinking about things, and..you begin to think about things you hadn't before..maybe it starts here with these words..
We sit with these beliefs in the world and in ourselves until one day something in us wants to change, and make no mistake..whatever we believe in..somewhere deep down inside all we want is to be happy again..in ourselves, in our lives. Somewhere deep down inside our hearts is that desire to be free again. It is the same power you have now, just...in a different way...
I think..you have the strength inside yourself to stand beside the demons you face each and every day, even if they are as abundant as they are persistent. Maybe you don't believe in that. Maybe you even truly believe that you are alone, like I did..like so many of us do.
You're not alone...you're not worthless...you're you. You're worth the joys hearing your voice in this world..worth the sorrows ever knowing you turned away from it.
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5 years, 11 months ago
26 May 2018 02:35 CEST
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