A few years ago, my pet General died, and I wrote a story for him... I lost it sadly. And then I lost my Mom, and I guess I have been keeping it inside for to long. Anyways it isn't cut your self Emo, but it is about me, my life, and my feelings.. Also to all of you who have lost a loved one, I hope things get better, but sometimes, it is just best to do as I do, it will make you feel abit better.
Jakson drove through the woods, the road was hard to see, even with the lights on, but he needed to do this. Jakson was a sixteen year old bear, wearing a red shirt and his usual blue jeans, he rides to the cemetery.
He was always so happy, always helping others and taking their problems, but he hurt inside, but the mask he put on each day was the ultimate poker face, everyone said they wanted to be like him, so carefree, and that is how he knows that his emptiness was well hidden.
It was in December, the sixth, fourteen more days and it would be the anniversary of his mothers death, and it was hard. She was beautiful and kind, yet she had a wild side and was tough, able to keep herself together in a fight.
He pulls up on top of the green hill, the stars were bright and unblinking. Not a satellite in the sky.
He makes his way down the hill, down to the oak tree where his uncle and mother were buried. His uncle had bragged that he would be his son, how his parents should get the adoption papers ready, how he would be spoiled. He died a few months before Jakson was born.
"Hey mom... How are you doing today? Same old same old, huh?" He lies next to the mound of dirt, rocks placed around it and little figurines to give it decoration. "I brought this for you." He pulls out a cigarette and pokes it into the soft earth, lighting it and smiling. "We buried you with cigarettes and Charlie with the lighter, but I know you guys probably smoked them all..." He lies next to the grave and frowns. "I wish you were here... I need you so much right now." He clenches his fists and whimpers. "You were supposed to be here for me!" He lets out a few tears and puts his paws up to his eyes. "You weren't supposed to go, not yet, not when I need you so much! You weren't supposed to leave us like this! They were eight and me and cory were only teenagers!" He can remember it so well, being at her funeral. "Why... didn't you fight harder? Why would you go like that. Why couldn't you remember me... Why wasn't I there when you left. I never got to say good bye..." By now the tears fall like a river, hitting the dirt. His nose runs as he lets his whole heart out to the no longer living body.
"I want you back... why did you have to go! Why now, when we need you so bad!" He wasn't sure any longer if he was repeating hisself. It wasn't like on tv, when they give this great speech and barley cry, this was life, and he wished it wasn't.
"I Loved you, and you left me! You didn't even try to hold on, you just gave up! How could you do that! I know it hurt but... We needed you then! How could you just go!? How could you just go..." He looks up at the stars, rubbing the snot dripping from his nose onto his sleeve."I want you back mom... You could have stayed with us, you didn't have to die. I would have cared for you, done anything it took, I would have given my own life for you..." He puts his paws into his pockets and frowns. "I wish you could be here... We have all grown up so much... And I try to act happy, but I am still so sad... And I don't think I will really be happy again... You missed my birthday again, but I felt like you were there, Or I hoped you were. Callie and Cassie are doing great... They live with their dad in Colorado, and I haven't seen them in three years... I wish they still lived here though..." The tears had stopped now, but only because he fought them. "And I might go see them this summer, Or I'm going to try to." He looks around and smiles. "Cemeteries... are a lot better at night then I thought..." lies back down and smiles. "I love you mom... With all my heart I do..."
He fell asleep that night, talking to her, crying, smiling, turning from angry to happy to afraid, all the emotions he had been feeling for several years.
The next day he woke up, hearing another car pulling up. It was Sarah and Toby, two people from school. He quikly pulls out the cigarette butt, wipes his eyes and his hoodie and his jeans, trying to get rid of all evidence of the night. He makes his way to his van and grins. "Hey guys!"
They stare at him, blushing. "Hey, what are you doing here Jackson?"
"Just visiting, Not ready to live here yet... But someday... Anyways I am just about to go."
Just by how they look at him he knows, his perfect pokerface isn't on. They see his pain, his tears,his frustration. Everything about him is visible now, and they know that the happiest kid in school isn't so happy.
As he goes to his van and opens the door he hears it, even if it is just a whisper. "He... stayed here all night didn't he?"
"Yeah... Do you think he is okay?"
"No." He says, making them both jump. "No, I'm not." He slams his door and starts the vehicle, circling around and driving off.
To my mother, Who I miss very much right now.