Past Diary Entry of Aubrey
"I looked myself through the mirror this morning, staring at my collar, the purple collar my boyfriend gave me before he left the states. I slept on it wrong. It made a small indent in my neck. It hurts a little and I'm having trouble moving my head to the side. It has happened before. It will heal soon. I remember when he gave me this collar. Standard feral dog collar, but it was custom made for my neck. He went through a lot of trouble getting it made for me. He said that it was expensive and I should take care of it while he was away. He left me in the care of his brother who I now share an apartment with. His brother, Ken. He is a good brother to my boyfriend. My boyfriend told me that Ken would be my Master for a few months until he comes back to visit me. They bind the deal by putting a red leash on me. He hugged me, whispering that he loves me and to take care of myself. I watched him enter onto the plane. That was the last time I saw him.
"Ken is a good person. Single, lives in an apartment in the middle of the city. He works in a customer service job. It makes him enough to pay rent and everything else needed. I looked for a job, but he said that he would like me to live here without one. He wants me to be the first thing he sees when he comes back from a long day at work. I cook and clean for him. I make sure that his meals are ready and his bed made and clean. I spend most of my time on the net. Chatting, emailing, browsing the web, playing games. I relax. The collar is still on my neck, the red leash dangling from my neck. he uses it to pull me sometimes. Sometimes violently if he is having a hard day. He doesn't hit me or abuse me. He loves me just as he loves my boyfriend. I always email my boyfriend to give him updates and also to tell him if Ken is abusive. Ken once was and hit me. My boyfriend called after I reported it and set my brother straight.
"I'm not allowed to eat the food I make for Ken. I eat the left overs through a dog bowl. Sometimes he puts laxatives in my food. Sometimes viagra if he is feeling frisky and wants me to be in the mood. Sometimes he would feed me nothing but his cum when I give him head under the table. My boyfriend knows about this. He says its ok for Ken to do. I fuck Ken. Most times he fucks me. He's very dominant and sometimes aggressive. He pulls my collar, choking me now and then. He spanks me, whips me, bites me...He makes me dress in outfits that expose so much of my body or just finds it humiliating to watch. He sticks what he could find in me while I sit uncomfortably between his legs. I suck him, lick him, swallow his cum, I do whatever he tells me to do. Sometimes he tapes it and sends it to my boyfriend who jerks off to them. Sometimes he watches live stream. My boyfriend said that he would like me to be in the middle of a threesome when he comes back. I couldn't help but get wet while thinking about it.
"When we go out in public, he takes off the leash, but keeps the collar on my neck. I dress in a sense where the collar adds to the outfit. Sometimes he pulls on the loop ring on my collar to drag me along. He treats me normally and with so much respect out in public. If we, mostly he, feels frisky, he drags me into a place away form the public's eye and fucks me or gives me his "white treat". He says whenever he gives it to me, I've been a good slave and will get more if I continue to behave.
"Sometimes at night, I cry. This slave and master thing... it was my boyfriend's idea and Ken happens to be into the subject as well. With my boyfriend, it was kinky. It turns me on when I'm dominated over, taking orders from someone higher than me, being sexually treated like someone with no will to defend him or herself. But after a few weeks with Ken, I cant help but cry privately. He treat me a bit different from my boyfriend to the point where my self-esstem goes down. I get weak. I feel dead inside. I feel nothing but a heavy burden. Even my collar feels heavy when I wear it. I feel I have no control over my life anymore. What turned out to be something very kinky is now slowly becoming painful and degrading. I can't talk about this to my boyfriend or Ken. I tried once, and Ken punished me, locking me in my room, tied to the bedpost wearing nothing but a vibrator strapped to my crotch for hours. He told me not to say anything to my boyfriend about how I feel about this. Ken enjoys it too much for it to end. I do what he said and keep telling my boyfriend that I enjoy being a play thing, to have no respect for myself, to be turned on my the mere thought of being dominated over mentally, physically and sexually. I hide my tears and bite my tongue when I feel the truth coming out.
"My boyfriend always tells me that he loves me and that he will never hurt me. I tell him I love him in return and that I miss him. I want to say to him that I want to stop this and be a normal mate to him like everyone else, not just a slave, but a real girlfriend. I can't tell him that. Ken would know and there are rules I have to follow...
"I want to stop this. I can't take much more. I want to be treated with respect, like a real person from now on. It was an experience and I lived through it for a few months, but now I want it to stop. I want a real relationship. I want to tell Ken that. I can't. Something tells me I should wait for my boyfriend to be here physically. He will protect me if Ken thinks differently. I look up at Ken, on my knees and holding my dog bowl for his left overs form the meal I made him. He says I look beautiful and that he loves me ever so much. I can't help but feel like I want to cry, only hearing my boyfriend's voice instead of his. I try to shallow my sadness and concentrate on begging like a good slave..."
Word for thought:
I've heard some stories about real people in the furry fandom who are into the whole slave/master thing. I never experienced it and I dont want to in any form or matter to myself or anyone else. Some of my friends know some people who are slaves or masters and they show it out in public with collars, leashes and how they treat each other. I can't help but look at them and wonder what they are thinking or what their mind is going through while they are in that type of relationship? Was it voluntary or by force? I don't ask. Its not my place to ask. All I can do is question it, hoping to get answers to make this fetish clearer to me.
Obedient © 2011 Alex Cockburn
7 years, 8 months ago
05 Sep 2011 02:03 CEST
Full Size: e8a321337a8ab24e59d1251d317d3948