Qwuedeviv Crew 52:Smiley-Me! Because I'm Adorable!
From the short time I had been here it seemed Cedric did a lot of work and running. Perhaps he even ran for work. Yes, I said he. Turns out, unlike us Qwuedeviv, Humans use gender exclusive pronouns regardless to if they’re on active duty or not. Seemed like a pointless complication of life to me, but that was what they did. I wasn’t entirely up to date on every little detail of Human behavior you see.
I had had better days, but I had also had worse. At least I had a place that was confirmed to be my new home. That was always something to fall back on—less satisfying than invading, but better than death in my opinion.
I took the time while Cedric was gone to get better acquainted with my new home. It was mostly a lonely and boring day as I had pretty much already discovered all there was to see on the first day. Nothing had changed that much so after a brief walk I lounged on the sofa and took a few naps.
Every once in a while I’d poke my head over by a window and see what the world was up to. The world never seemed to be up to anything in my range of sight though. Life around Cedric’s home was boring. It didn’t even have all the neat lit up pathways and such like the base back on Qwuh-9 did.
I was actually thankful when Cedric returned that night—never had expected to crave and need the attention of an inferior Earthian Human, but I had to do what I had to do and what I had to do was be this Human’s friend or pet or whatever.
He sighed as he pushed the door open. Both arms were occupied by what appeared to be a couple of paper bags. A set of crinkly, noisy bags dangled from his hands as well. He was also balancing his car keys on the top of one finger and the mail in his mouth. I simply watched him walk by into the kitchen and then followed after him.
Almost all of the Human’s supplies made it on to the counter when he flopped them down with a huff; all aside from the bag of fruit which rolled across the floor. One Earth Fruit rolled near me so I decided to drop to all fours and bat at it a bit. Instinctual battle training I’m sure.
My tail flicked back and forth as I hunted the stray fruit right up until Cedric came and took it away, mumbling something about its slippery properties. That fruit was not slippery at all for the record. It was Cedric’s faulty grip on them that had been problematic. I decided against correcting the mistake for the time being though.
“Smiley Kitty.” He eventually acknowledged with what seemed to be a halfhearted smile.
“Do you have work every day?” I asked.
“Most days.” Cedric replied as he moved about the small kitchen, unpacking a variety of things. “Why?”
“Because it gets boring here.”
“You’ve hardly been here for a day, how can you—”
“Trust me, I can tell.”
“Well what would you normally do during the day?”
I supposed invade planets and plot world conquest was not the proper or acceptable answer so I skipped that one.
“Oh…I don’t know.”
“I got you this.”
Cedric was holding out some sort of extra soft earth creature plush with long feathery tails. It certainly didn’t look like anything I had seen before but I had to admit those feathery tails were pretty tempting to bat at. I reached out towards it…and batted at the tails instead. Cedric let it drop to the floor as he stood up to finish his unpacking again.
Poor Human had a short attention span. One moment he was playing with me—er training with me—and the next he was preoccupied with his food rations and such.
“What do you even do when you go away?” I asked as I gave the toy another bat. I stopped it from getting out of my reach with my left paw then gave it two quick bats with my right.
“Computer stuff—I work as one of the On Call Computer Repair Specialists.”
“You don’t have a clue what that is, do you?”
“It’s not like I spend all my life researching Humans.”
“I’m not sure if that’s comforting or disturbing.” Cedric answered.
I personally didn’t care which he felt it to be. I had decided I’d welcome myself to look through the goods he had brought back. After all, seeing as I was now a member of this squad I had the rights to put out a search warrant on the rations and claim anything that seemed particularly delicious for my own consumption.
I rummaged through one of the bags he wasn’t in the process of putting away. It was mostly canned stuff and a thing of socks, but by the third one I had found something that looked promising.
“Cookies.” I proclaimed and took the little plastic case out.
“Mm, yeah.” Cedric replied as he reached up to put something in one of the upper cabinets—he sure was slow at putting stuff away. “It’s for the work meet—HEY!”
He had turned around right then and had noticed me sitting there I guess. I had been gnawing at the side of the plastic for a bit—didn’t seem to be a simpler way to open the darn thing—as I had been supervising his slow progress.
I stopped gnawing so I could reply. “What?” Gnawing resumed.
“They’re for the work meeting tomorrow.” Cedric sighed and pushed the corner of his glasses.
I stopped gnawing on the container of deliciousness and frowned. I thought the cookies were much more suited for me than work, but…I held out the container to Cedric who only sighed again and shook his head.
“I can’t take it like that now.”
I looked at the container of cookies. What was his problem with it? Yes, it was chewed around the edges—well somewhat deformed really—shark teeth can do a number on plastic. The important thing though was the treasure inside—which was perfectly safe still. Yes so it had a bit of alien drool—it’d dry by morning!
“You might as well eat them now.” Cedric grumbled and took the plastic container.
He opened it up and set some of the cookies on a plate and handed it back to me. I purred a thank you and took the plate, tossing a cookie into my enormous, deadly jaws. The cookie had no chance and was crushed immediately. Was actually one of the tastier Earth foods I had eaten so far. They made excellent sugar foods that was for sure—better than the ones I had tasted on my home planet even.
Cedric set aside one of the bags and complained quite a bit as he hunkered down and sat a bit in front of me. He rested his elbows on his knees and supported his chin with them. I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to share the cookies he had just given me, but I knew for a fact that he had more of them—I’d much prefer him to go eat those instead of mine so I made no acknowledgement of his subtle hints.
“It’s strange.” He proclaimed in a wistfully off manner, kind of like he was some old guy with great knowledge now. “You’re so much like us.”
My ears perked up as I munched another cookie. I couldn’t hear much of what he was saying after that other than something about cookies, normal and being more alike than the Humans had realized. Munch, munch, munch, had to feed the inner savage beast.
“So I’ve got a question—would it be safe to assume that the media grossly exaggerates what the truth is about aliens?”
I was busy chewing on the most delicious chocolate chip cookie I had ever wrapped my mouth around in all my life when asked this. I gave a subtle shrug and nodded. Sure. Sounded good to me.
“So aliens really aren’t out there plotting to take over Earth and all that invasion junk.” Cedric shook his head and chuckled. “I should have suspected as much really. It only makes sense.”
“Hmm.” I mumbled in response.
That wasn’t exactly true but if it was what he wanted to believe, eh easier for us to invade when we did decide to.
“So are there several other alien species among us that have been here for years and all that? I bet there are.”
Cedric was one of those intellectual nerds. The kind that probably had no friends because no one had a clue what they were talking about. The kind who came home after finishing work that no one understands to begin with only to make themselves weirder by coming up with alien theories.
“I don’t keep up to date on all they’re up to. Maybe.”
I could think of something else that was crazy at the moment. Really I had little interest in the subject he had chosen to talk about, but I figured I should at least humor the guy if I was going to be living here from now on. He was sort of functioning as my superior officer for the time being and the alien questions would get old fast.
“So do you have any amazing skills?”
“All my skills are amazing.” I stated through a mouthful of half chewed cookie.
“What can you do anyway? Aside from get stuck in fences and devour cookies like a beast.”
“Plenty.” I replied. “You’ll see in time.”
“I guess that’s true. Besides, you’ve got a lot of adjusting to do, moving to this new planet and all. ”
“Very much so.” At that moment I realized the whole plate of cookies had been depleted. This fact was rather disheartening as I had quite liked the cookies. Delicious little morsels. Gone so quickly. I licked around my mouth, capturing a few spare crumbs in the process.
I briefly wondered if my new lifestyle of sitting around all day and doing nothing but eating and watching the daily soaps would have negative effects on me, but shrugged it away. Probably nothing too bad.
“Hey kitty, we should get a room prepared for you, huh?”
I nodded to this as well. Cedric didn’t invite me to help pick out my room upstairs. I hoped he’d choose a good one although really they all looked pretty much the same to me and none of them had seemed particularly better than another.
A little while later, Cedric invited me upstairs and showed me to a room down the hall. It was pretty much at the opposite end of where his was I noted. This probably held some significance; like perhaps he didn’t want me to be near him, or perhaps he was planning top secret military strategies.
My new room was pretty boring although I’m not sure why I expected anything more from the most boring Earthian on the face of the Earth. It had a forest green bed and a shelf that was totally empty. That was another oddity about Cedric I didn’t quite understand. He was just one Human living in this huge house—he couldn’t possibly use all the rooms or for that matter, need them.
Back on Qwuh-9 we packed rooms to their maximum capacity. There wasn’t any of this scattering around of resources. We just crammed as many Qwuedeviv and supplies into a room that was possible without starting a big fight or riot. Yes, this was definitely odd.
“So…what you think?”
“Not the best décor.” I stated, paws clasped behind my back as I inspected my new living quarters. “Sort of drab color scheme.”
“Seriously? I welcome you into my home and you’re gonna—”
“Hush, hush, my Human companion. You asked for my opinion, did you not? As a lieutenant I won’t sugarcloth it or whatever it is you Earthians say.”
“Of…earth plantology….of course.” I replied, and then grinned to assure him all was well.
He blinked a few times and shrugged.
“The room shall do splendid, Human.”
“Why are you calling me Human? My name’s Cedric.”
“Of course Fredrick.” I steadily admired my new room and contemplated all the amazing things I could have in it if only I had my mechanic still.
“Cedric…” I heard him repeat again.
“Yes.” I turned around partially so that I could see him. “Cedric. Let us go feast upon cookies and bask in the glory of our success.”