Chapter Three: I Set Up my Command Post
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. My invasion crew—we were actually labeled as a scout crew, but I’m pretty sure that was just a mistake in the paperwork; they meant to label us as the main invasion force. My point is I got to work fast once I had established headquarters. I had a lot of responsibility here as the overseeing leader of this entire operation.
There were just a couple simple things I had to keep in mind for this whole thing to be a success. The first was keeping all knowledge of my true intentions away from the Human. This wasn’t particularly difficult because Humans aren’t very smart. The current one for example had left me all alone after only a few minutes of welcoming me into its home. It had grumbled something about not wanting fur on its furniture, but I had ignored that. I mean, seriously. Having any of my fur lingering was a luxury. I was doing it a favor.
Maybe it could collect the fur fragments and glue them to itself. At least then it would be a little prettier. Do you think all Humans are bald like that one? I mean…I was beginning to believe it might be a concern for me. What if Earth had some kind of environmental chemical that made fur vaporize? Would it affect Qwuedeviv fur too? I couldn’t remember a time when I had been without fur nor did I want to. I’d be a monster—an ugly rat-cat alien doomed to a life of shame.
Anyway, setting aside those concerns for the moment, the Human had left which meant I had an opportunity to begin our invasion efforts. First, I secured the room. This consisted of running around and assuring the Human was out of range.
As far as I could tell, it was gone. So I returned to the side of the sofa and flopped down on it. Superb. It was much softer than my box had been. I could get used to this. They had a TV…looked like quite a few boring books and magazines out too. Earthians! This one had its own house and couldn’t find anything more interesting to use it for than boring reading material.
I had gotten a little carried away with Detail Inspection and had for the slightest, most brief portion of a nanosecond forgotten to stay on Human Alert mode and wouldn’t you know the Human snuck in at that very moment.
“What the— ”
My fur nearly stood on end.
“This isn’t the sofa you meant, right?”
“I never even specified the…” It paused right there, bald face twisting into a scowl.
I decided it was probably best to let them feel like they had won—for now. There was no need to get myself kicked out of the house after all. I folded my ears down against my head, gave my best ‘kitty is sorry’ look and crawled down from the luxurious furniture. The Human shook its head and left, sipping at something in a mug as it went along.
My ears perked up once it was gone. I hadn’t wanted to sit on its stupid sofa anyway. It was time to investigate the rest of the house. Seemed to me I ought ‘ta tour my new base to know where I should set up my personal headquarters so I wasted no time.
There were quite a few rooms along the way. The halls were kind of narrow, but most of the rooms had plenty of space. My whole crew could probably fit in here…if they had survived…and if I ever saw them again. If not it’d be plenty of space for me!
I ventured into one room down the hall where the door was partially open. The room was nearly empty like the others. There was a bed, a few boxes—looked like a half done unpacking job or packing. I dunno how you’d really tell; it looks the same both ways. Oh well.
The room in question was pretty dark thanks to some kind of window blanket thing, but it seemed like there was light on the other side so…
How had I gotten so side tracked? I had been looking for something else originally. I was just sure of it! Well the window had a nice view anyway. Overlooked what I presume was the backyard. Lots of stuff out there. Some more grass, a pool, a fence and then beyond the fence were some smaller houses in the distance. Huh. Very interesting.
My tail got to flicking back and forth. Seems it does that when my subconscious head thing gets thinking. I’m not so sure about that thing. Can’t trust it. I mean it doesn’t share its thoughts with me but makes me do stuff. Soon enough it’ll be taking over my job or something.
Back on the subject of Room Inspection though, I decided to proclaim that room inspected and declared it secure and …yeah that’s what I was doing…I pranced on to the next with confidence. All the rest of the rooms checked out fine and…pretty much boring. Nothing to play with—er I mean work with.
By now my clothes had dried. Thankfully, aside from my face, my fur really hadn’t gotten wet which was good, because us Qwuedeviv, ugh; get our fur soaked and it takes forever to dry. That aside it probably would have put a wave in my velvety soft, gray fur! We couldn’t have that happening, I look bad in curls.
“Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!”
I heard the voice in the distance. Sounded like that Human again. Troublesome thing. It had barely left me alone for any real time and here it was, whining again. How was I supposed to do my job when I had to look after a Human all day?
With a grumble directed at no one in particular I scurried out of the room, tail and ears both up in a gesture of friendliness. Instead of answering directly I replied with a simple “mew?” as I reached the railing.
The Human was on the floor below. When it saw me it smiled. From the looks of it, this Human was gonna be easy to manipulate.
“I have to go to work, Kitty. I’ll be back this afternoon. Be good, okay?”
I purred and rubbed the side of my face against the railing. Humans fall for that cutesy stuff really easy. Sure enough it worked. With a smile it departed. Just before the door closed I heard, “And stay out of trouble.”
Puh-lease, like a lieutenant was going to listen to that! I heard the rumble of a car fade into the distance. I was now officially free for the day.
My search went into overdrive; had already searched the house, now to set up points of interest. What I really needed was some kind of beacon. A beacon my crew could find and follow. Unfortunately I had left that all back at the box when I had gotten terrifi—erm, when I had to abandon ship. Kinda regretted it now, but I figured the furballs would manage. Besides, I was starving, tired and even commanders need to relax.
I headed to the kitchen, climbed the counter and opened the cabinets above the sink. There was some canned junk up there, but nothing tasty. Tried the ones below next, but there were only some kind of bitter smelling cleaners. Either the Humans had no taste or the treasures were in the fridge.
I pried that open next. Choices weren’t too amazing. A half-eaten sandwich, some cold, O-shaped spaghetti things and a huge supply of soda. Pondering just what kind of mad house I had stumbled upon I scooped up the bowl of cold noodles in sauce and headed for the sofa. I set the bowl up there, then crawled up, found the nearby remote and clicked the TV on.
It was around that time I realized I had forgotten my desired eating utensil. Yet again I had to abandon my post to retrieve the eating utensil. By the time I had reached the kitchen I discovered my tail had been dipped in red sauce. I flicked it a bit to get the excess off then returned to my search.
I had to go through a lot of stuff to find a proper eating utensil. They weren’t under the table, not in the glasses, not in the fridge…finally found some in the sink. They even had some unidentifiable mystery snack stuck to ‘um still.
They were all different shapes; straight and long, slightly curved and pointed, round and scoopy. Round and scoopy! I felt the fur along my spine begin to rise as I realized I was staring at none other than a spoon. I breathed cautiously, hoping it wouldn’t detect my fear and then slowly backed away, snatching a fork up in the process. I darted away from the scene and dove back on the sofa.
The bowl of cold O’s fell over and a good portion seeped into the cushions…oops. I scooped up the remainder with my paws and—eh, it was a little messier than expected. I glanced at the TV while licking my paws.
Some kind of cooking channel it seemed. They were making a pie or dessert thingy. It looked tasty—much better than this meal. I’d have to look into it. Maybe the Human could cook up some, although I had my doubts based upon its current kitchen content. CKC for those of you familiar with codes.
I shoved another fork full in my mouth and tried not to think of the flavor much. They weren’t good, but I’d had worse. Besides, I needed to recharge my strength for future invasion efforts and leaderly stuff.
Those cold, canned O-noodles could kind of grow on a cat. After a while and a lot of TV they didn’t seem half bad. I guess I was pretty hungry because when I looked back at the bowl it was empty. Well, no bad guest house manners here! I gave the bowl a thorough licking with my blue tongue and set it on the counter. It was really a superb job I had done—not that I was one to brag.
With a pleasantly full belly I headed back upstairs to the room with the big window. I sat there between the window blankets and corresponding window and began to lick my face and paws clean. I take pride in my hygiene you see. It’s a very good trait to have. A commanding officer must look sharp and admirable at all times. That aside, fur gets sticky and sticky fur is a pain—attracts dirt, small bugs, and a million other things.
It took a good while to get myself to a satisfactory level of clean but when I was done even the sharpest of Qwuedeviv officers would have been put to shame; high quality gray fur, compact and plush—like snuggling up in one of those fancy microfiber blankets or something. It was no secret that I had in my possession some of the finest—if not the finest— fur in all of Qwuedeviv history. Don’t think for a second that being in possession of such valuable material was easy either. How would you feel if you had to keep your gold plated diamonds sparkling when they happened to be your shoes or something?
Somewhere in the time span I had finished cleaning I had ended up on the bed. It was pretty comfy despite my initial thoughts. It was one of those kind that seem to melt under your paws wherever you set them down. Probably the kind on Human commercials that the kids can bounce on and not knock over the glass of grape juice. I curled up in the center and sank in. It felt amazing. I yawned briefly and rolled onto my back—a short nap could be nice.