It’s not easy being the source of happiness in this family. Putting on the smile, the jokes and laughter, the mask, it is exhausting, but I have to keep it up for the others sake.
I have to be the one who can put a grin on old Fearless leader’s face.
The one who can make Raph’s anger disappear with a joke.
The one who can have the dorky conversations with Donnie about Sci-Fi and make him have that special smile he has when he talks about something he is passionate about.
The one that brings out the sarcastic and fun side in Master Splinter.
Inside it feels like I am dying, like there is an ache inside me, sometimes it’s okay, sometimes it’s bad, very bad.
I spend most of the bad days away from my brothers or buried in something so that I don’t crack in front of them, that’s only for when I’m alone, I don’t want them worrying about me when they already have enough to worry about.
It’s my ‘secret’ and I don’t want them to know about it, although it is peeking through the cracks, the others notice that, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t think, it all hurts.
I’m broken and not even my amazing genius brother can fix me.
My life is hell and heaven battling each other and hell is winning, the longer it goes on the less and less I can take.
I am so exhausted, I don't want to try anymore, I’m eighteen and I just want out.