well well well... I have really hit a low tide once again.... my life is once again falling apart so my art will be postponed. even though I havent posted anything on here. like i said life is falling apart, financially is more towards the specific zone. wish I could make it go away, but things dont work out how the used to.. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! Dammit Im tired of all the bullshit.... My family isnt helping out like they said they would, but i expected that, so im back to my own devices. to make things worse I cant resort to my old line of work because of MY FAMILY!!! life as a cleaner was so much easier I just had one simple job and I would get paid PRETTY for my risk, but since I lost my handler I not sure about getting back in. Cant be alot of the things im good at because of my family and my own trust issues. WTF!!! on top of all the supidity is the fact that my hands are tied with lead weights while im struggling to stay afloat in water that has zero oxygen content while getting pissed on by all those who pass over me.
note: water without oxygen is almost impossible to tread/ stay afloat in, so 99.9 times out of 100 you'll sink like a brick and never be able to resurface...
and I really dont get it, why cant I make my own choices? dont they know that I dont care how many times i have almost died, those were the times i felt most alive. i realize that they do care for me but their medlling is causing me to lose all my bearings of who I am: A really violent person who clearly doesnt have much to live for or lose.just wish I didnt have to consider other people's feelings, i would be so much happier, probably even dead haha. that always makes me laugh, but believe it or not I dont have a death wish.
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10 years, 9 months ago
28 Jul 2013 08:00 CEST
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