Ignore the last journal. something is wrong

by Kyanbu

Something's wrong with me. I've been feeling very depressed and sometimes fatigued since 2011. I don't know why or how but once things over flow I begin to act in strange ways. I feel empty and my depression really spikes.

I don't like going to any doctor for no reason or out of paranoia. So I just tried to get some rest and practice meditation. It worked, but it keeps coming back and things begin to spiral. I know it has to be psychological. I don't feel sick or seriously ill. When I'm stressed I just...break... and it takes a whole day, sometimes weeks before I'm back to being somewhat normal again.

A lot happened that year, the biggest being Grandma's death. I was by her side at the hospital the day she passed. I don't know if I'm dealing with some kind of long lasting trauma or if it's just from my life being messy ever since. Or if I'm just dealing with depression.

When it flares up, sometimes I can become self aware of it. I lock my self away and try to meditate or just let it pass by. But this time it got the better of me and nearly ended my work. All of the stress and frustration from years of poor results in my life. And knowing just how far behind I am compared to my friends and family. My stress over the project and current events in the industry caused everything to over flow until I just broke for a while there.

I hate this cycle. It keeps coming back. I need to start thinking back, and figure out what's wrong with me.

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Added:	6 years, 11 months ago 20 May 2017 05:38 CEST

9 Comments on this Journal

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bigd33309

6 years, 11 months ago

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Edited 6 years, 11 months ago by Owner

Oh :o! I see what you mean Kyanbu :| and :). I understand you well about what you had just said in your journal just now or so X3 and ^_^, and also I know that you try your best to forget what had just happened to you just now or so that was in the form of something tragic, terrible, horrible and even worst as well too :3 and =3. I know the feeling about all of that for yourself having to be troubled by stress and stress related situations like me myself Kyanbu X3 and ^-^, and I know that it's so hard to go through with all of the stress and frustration on what you're going through for yourself now and furthermore I know the feeling and how much you hate this cycle for yourself but if I had a good enough suggestion for you I would say to you don't think about the negative things you had gone through for myself and all just now or so and try to focus on the positive things calmly and try to think positive one way or another as well too X3 and :3. As for me related to what I read in your journal along with what I told you just now or so Kyanbu :| and :), I've been through a lot of stress, frustration and toil just now or so since I just lost a cousin that was my favorite for myself that me, my family and my relatives knew just now recently or so and she was killed by a dangerous and deadly drunk driver recently or so as well and I've been stressing out about my trip that I have to prepare for this month of May soon and even stressing about having to stay at my grandfather's old house without a cable TV or even internet connections and wi-fi too =| and =). But at least I'll handle it all well X3 and ^-^, and just treat that place like a beach house based hotel with limited amenities and just try to handle it for the best for going up on my trip and coming down and going home from my trip one way or another with a calm, peaceful and courage filled mind for myself instead since I'll have DVDs to watch on the DVD players with TVs at my grandfather's old house along with my laptop computer and maybe some games and such on my laptop computer to play with to keep myself busy and all as well so I won't get too bored with my own family too X3 and =3. The thing about my grandfather's house and all is consider a best example on what not to stress about big-time for myself Kyanbu X3 and ^=^, and just try to handle it all until it's time to move on to something else like moving onto the next location of my own trip for myself as we speak X3 and XD. Think about it ^-^ and ^=^, and don't worry about a doctor about your many situations or whatever and just keep yourself calm the best you can do like me myself ^w^. Thanks for letting me read your next journal along with trying my best to give you my best comment to you as well Kyanbu :D and =D, take good care of yourself, peace to you, take it easy, be good, be happy, be strong, be brave, keep calm and cool and I'll talk to you and see you again soon :3 and ;3. Oh :o! And meditate and relax like I do sometimes always to keep yourself in order if you want to or not =3 and ;3.

Bigd33309

P.S. Sorry for the long comment too ^_^ and ^-^.

Kyanbu

6 years, 11 months ago

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@ bigd33309

Thank you. :)

bigd33309

6 years, 11 months ago

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@ Kyanbu

You're truly welcome Kyanbu X3 and ^_^. I appreciate your kind reply so much Kyanbu X3 and ^w^, and most of all I do hope that you'll keep in mind about what I had just said to you just now or so and above all I do hope that you'll follow my best advice about what I said to you and all as well too :3 and =3. Just remember not to let anything stress you out or whatever Kyanbu X3 and ^-^, and just get yourself in order while you keep yourself in order at all times and try not to get too stressed upon yourself one way or another as well too X3 and :3. I'm pretty sure you can keep yourself calm and cool one way or another for sure Kyanbu X3 and ^=^, and I'll hope and pray for the best that nothing gets in your way and your mood too X3 and =3. Thanks for your kind and best reply Kyanbu :D and =D, take good care of yourself, peace to you, take it easy, be good, be happy, be stress free and I'll talk to you and see you again real soon :3 and ;3.

Bigd33309