**This is gonna be a long one, it's been awhile ^w^**
After being kinda silent for a bit, I thought it would be due time for a bit of sharing what's been going on with me recently. Instead of one huge wall of text, I'll be nice to your eyes and separate things for ya as best as I can.
New Job
I finally found a job working at my local good ol' Kroger after a long one year break of unemployment. I'll even call it my first "real" job since my last one was extremely simple, even more-so than being a fuel clerk, which is the job I have at the moment. I also get a lot more hours and it pays slightly better, especially better than sitting around fapping- I mean, sleeping all day. <w> That means I'll probably be able to commission some artwork again, except not as much as before. I actually did a calculation and figured out I'd spent around $830 in one year on digital/physical artwork, so I'm going to cut back a bit to save my wallet's life a little. The only downside is that I barely have any time for anything else besides college, which is a great segway for...
College Took My Educational Virginity
This semester, I decided to take 4 online courses (2 of them were condensed into much harder 8 week courses), plus a speech class I had to take in person. Holy ballsack the workload is so intense. I'm so thankful that it's all ending in a week. There was also a whole fiasco with my financial aid not going through, so I had to go through an appeal process and a period of time where I legitimately thought my free tuition was about to be taken away from me, creating a wall of debt. Luckily that didn't happen, and it looks like I'll be smooth sailing to attend my permanent college this fall.
Art-related Stuff
Remember when I was all like "ya I'm gunna create a nu charactur gaiz"? Believe me, I want to SOOOO bad, when I'm bored at work I weave all these stories in my head and think about her design and everything. It's just that at the moment I'm so goddamned stressed with life that I can't force myself to sit down and artistically create anything. I'm hoping to get back in the art mindset once school ends. On another note, I've been playing around with a few goals for myself when it comes to drawing. I find that if I am bound by invisible contract to someone or a group of people that I am more likely to actually go through with doing it rather than saying I am and the thing in question never happening. I also realize that I'm definitely not even close to being a great artist. I need to improve, plain and simple. Therefore...
In the months of JUNE JULY and AUGUST, I am going to be taking X number of full-color requests per month.
The number is undecided due to the fact that I don't know what my work schedule is going to look like, but it will be somewhere in the range of 2-4 mixed in with some other doodles that I feel like doing for myself. A journal for the June requests and all the rules n stuff will drop the last week of May. My goal is to not be shit enough to do a commission set come winter break this year, so I'm basically giving myself 7 months to get to that point. I'm honestly looking forward to it, there's just something about drawing stuff for other people and their criticism and reactions that makes me happy.
This is the Actual Big Announcement
If you thought it was the request thing, sorry. xD
Through all of this stress I've been experiencing, I took it upon myself to visit a therapist for some lingering issues that have been present in the past few years of my life. If the portrayal of my character doesn't make this obvious enough, I can be rather feminine. In real life, I am a male biologically, but I've always felt very attached to feminine things. And it's not just little things that can kinda be brushed under the rug as insignificant, those feelings encompass my whole mindset as a human being. This has been the main topic of discussion between my therapist and I, and I think I'm finally beginning to understand what my identity is as a person. I'm not going to flatout say "I'm transgender", and I'm sure as hell not going to say "you all must call me a girl now" (you can call me a boy or a girl, it seriously doesn't matter), because I tend to avoid labelistic stuff like that. What I will say is that I'm beginning a beautiful journey of self-discovery when it comes to my gender identity, and that I am considering learning more about the different ways I can express it by ridding of my dysphoria over certain things about me. The only things I know for certain for now are: A. I have a desire to become a girl, B. If I went through with that, I would want to avoid surgery and do things as naturally as possible with hormones. I look forward to the day I can finally look at myself in the mirror and not feel completely out of body, but I also feel a lot of fear when it comes to being accepted. I'm hoping that through my therapy I can find more confidence to go through with exploring myself and hopefully transitioning to becoming the pretty, creative, yet badass girl I want to be.
...that last part felt weird to type, this is all so new and exciting to me.
Thanks for reading guys, means a lot <3
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6 years, 11 months ago
04 May 2017 00:04 CEST
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