Yeah okay like. First off, my NP was willing to up my estrogen without me coming in, saving me about a hunned. And like... so far I've been feeling really good, but every time I up my dosage that happens, and since my E was only at 97 I'm expecting another downer in a few weeks.
Though hopefully less down than last month. =p
BUT like... the other day me and nana was shoe shopping, like she was gonna get me some new flip-flops since like, I've had these since... 2008? Aunno, something, and like, they're kinda really dilapidated.
Anyways like nothing in the woman's section fits me, and nothing in the men's looks good, except this one thing but like it didn't fit super well.
So like, nana tells me to size my foot with the thing and like, aunno the only ones around were for women's and like wait... I'm a woman now! Tho honestly I thought there was no difference between men and women (there is, which is weird like why) ANYYYYWAAYYS like I figure out how to measure my dang feet (turns out like, it's designed for someone else to read it) and like I went from a men's 13 to a woman's 12!
Which like, if y'all don't know, a gal's 12 is a guy's 10.5 give or take.
Which then I went looking for 12s, but nothing bigger than 11 there... OH WHALE
But like, I've NEVER heard of women losing foot size on HRT so like... aunno that was really shocking. I look at my flip flops and realize they were HUGE and like... why have I never noticed this?
Like, I remember in December shopping for shoes and like men's 13s fit, in fact I tried squeezing in a 12 and it didn't fit!!
AAAAAAAANNNNNYYYYYWAAAAYYYYYSSSSSSS I got shoes online that were similar to the ones I liked (only turquoise, I never had any like that before... honestly a lot of my clothes decisions are like "WELL, never did this before!" so yeah)
and like... aunno like, I remember a few months back like, my little brother was over and like, I realized his dang FEETS were huge and like, when did this happen? and nana realized he was taller than me (I was 5' 11", he was similar)
So like, we went back to back to see and yeah he was way taller than me... since he's 26 I just figured his height finalized, like I had a final growth spurt around 25.
BUT ANYWAYS like, I measured myself last night and like... I'm 5'8" now. Which kinda blew my mind.
Now I'm like... is all the foot pain, back pain, arm pain just PAIN in weird spots... is that my cartridges and tendons adjusting to be smaller?
I mean I know my butt sticks out more, but I figured that was just fat... aunno it's kinda mind-blowing to me especially after feeling like NOTHING has changed.
Though I wonder if my lil bro actually did grew or what, and like if some day we'll meet and he'll be so much taller than me. XD
I told my friend Bon about this, and they said they has a friend and his feet grew by two sizes so like I guess EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE
So yeah.
In other news, I was making a thing to open commissions at this commiss.io place
Working with it, I could see using it, it also has digital download thing so maybe if my mental being gets there I might be able to sell y'all SMUT XD
Tho when I was about to post the lineart thing, I froze up and had a panic attack and I had to lie down. Like... aunno something about it just freaks me out. Aunno if I'm afraid no one would want them, or if it's that I'm afraid I'll have a depressive episode while working on them and letting people down.
I dunno, and it's really sad cuz like I really would like to buy some running shoes so I could lose weight jogging, and I just can't seem to do art things that make money for some reason.
Going to therapy doesn't help, a psychiatrist is a glorified therapist... like just nothing helps.
I mean having estrogen helps with depression, but not with anxiety at all, so aunno what to do.
One thing I was considering is like, having a project thing where like, people could pay me money to like... finish that one Rouge/Chao "Flowers" comic, cuz my girl friend keeps asking me to finish it.
Or maybe some other comic ideas... like honestly I get the smut ideas, but I just never want to put in the work to make them.
Like, aunno SOMETHING like that, like maybe a ko.fi thing where whenever a threshold is reached, I'll ink another page... aunno but I mean if I can't even do it on my own not sure how it'll help... aunno.
Though at any rate I'll prolly just like... do nothing now cuz posting that commission thing scares me too much...
TL;DR: Shrank by three inches, feet shrank by two shoe sizes, I'm terrified of making money.
