Fun fact! I may or may not be posting this while completely plastered because it may or may not be the only way I am comfortable discussing this.
Part of my relative absence is due to vacation, but another part is due to a bit of self-exploration and talking with medical providers and licensed psychologists/counselors.
So, as it turns out, funny story. That dog I rescued from negligent family members? Turns out, he's rescuing me.
I've relied on "service humans" for many years now. Refused to go out unless someone was with me. I get panicky and overstimulated easily. Just last week I went to the ER because some hot soup burned me after I had been overstimulated running errands all day with my boyfriend (we were getting lunch at a buffet and going home, but the sudden burn/pain threw me into an intense panic attack). I uh...have some issues that I've never been comfortable talking about until recently, when I realized that I'm not going to solve any problems by pretending they don't exist.
My dog has already picked up on signaling me to oncoming anxiety issues so I can take a moment and ground myself. I'm training him to do other tasks for me. He's ready to take the Canine Good Citizen test and the Public Access test. He's helped me step out of my shell and has already done wonders for me. He's about six months from graduating to full status as a service dog, not just in training."
I take medications, but they only do so much. And I don't want to be entirely reliant on artificial chemicals for the rest of my life. I've realized that this dog could become an excellent tool in helping me lessen the impact of my...disabilities....I hate to use that word, but it's time I accepted it.
I am disabled by Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
I am disabled by Major Depressive Disorder.
I am disabled by ADHD-PI.
I am disabled by Panic Disorder.
I am disabled by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
I am disabled by Sensory Processing Disorder (even though it is not fully recognized by the DSM-V; doctor agrees it's an issue).
I am disabled by a herniated disc which causes episodic bouts of extreme sciatica and limits my mobility to a sizable extent.
I am disabled by the side effects of the medications I take to try to mitigate these issues.
I am limited in my life because of these problems. I am afraid of going out. I am reluctant to engage in new situations. I can't just go out and do anything. I just don't function on a normal level. There's a lot of issues that I won't be going into detail over because honestly, they're personal medical information that doesn't really need to be discussed.
But, I've finally found something that's helping me, more than extensive artificial chemicals ever have before. This dog. This goofy, 18-month old derp ball of legs and energy has turned my life around in the two months that I've been actively training him to help me. I take him to pet-friendly stores and can suddenly interact with people just fine. They focus on him. They see him first. They talk to me about him. They don't judge me. They look at him. And he is so well-behaved, and loves working for me and learning new ways to help me.
He's almost ready for public access, and I'm super excited for it. I can't wait to go on adventures with him and finally be able to function like a normal human. I mean, it sucks that I can't do it without aides like meds and my dog, but...It helps, and every step to normalcy is important.
I guess the goal of this journal is to encourage others to keep seeking answers to their problems. Just when things seem hopeless, something might wind up dropped in your lap that will change your life. Be open to new suggestions, and never be afraid of accepting reality. It's the first step to getting real answers to your problems.
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7 years ago
30 Mar 2017 06:51 CEST
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