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DarkBlueAnt

Hello to anyone who reads my journal posts (you don't have to read!)

Every once in a while I would have a moment of clarity. Thoughts over fill my mind and I can't really put it all out there as I do not know how to express them.

With that said, I know how my life sucks. There are moments of calmness. This gives me time to think and look around to see and hear from others. People around me have found their love, yet I also see people suffering from.. I would like to say fear! Fear that they are running paycheck to paycheck and that they may not make it to save their place to live or even get food.. medical bills and so on. Then again I think that a lot of us go through that. I would like to blame other people for that. "But Ant why would you say that?" Well problems with work. The people who run it, the government who rules over it.. (Oh I see the government and I see nothing but that largest "mob" or "gang" that likes to control us! taking our money "taxes" for protection.) I see people lie and cheat and steal and kill.

My mind reels with painful thoughts, Hate, depression... I tend to put my mind in a fog to help protect myself. I would use my heart to make the best of it, even though it would get trampled. We physically cant put walls up to keep us safe. Why? because someone is always wanting to rip them down, thinking we are scheming and or doing something bad. I don't like to go into politics, ever. But man kind is the double edge sword. One person may help us but how I see it, there are two to knock us back down.

I'm sorry if this sounds like a rant, I might do that. But I am a honest fox, I can be wise but also dumb as I turn things off, lock myself away (introvert is a good definition about myself) I don't want to get hurt emotionally, physically, or mentally anymore. Living in my life seems to be driving me into a hole of loneliness. I need to make a change or find someone that I can just cling to and live the rest of this life out with. I feel that I will not leave any mark on this world and that is what had drove me to art in the first place. That and some boredom. I found things to preoccupy myself so I wont get bored! video games, watching tv, anime, and then scrolling through many of other people's art.

I lost sight of my own talents and don't know what I am even capable of anymore. Even more so that I can't lift anything more then 65 pounds without feeling discomfort and then pain in my back. My mind is clouded so to keep my thoughts pure in a way in witch it makes me an idiot.

I can go on, I have had a personal journal for myself, but why not write my thoughts and feelings to the world... or rather the furry fandom on line! HAHA... go ahead and critique my thoughts and words, maybe give me some pointers?

If you had read through my other journals you would know that I work part-time, I live with my parents and I am turning 35, and I am alone in the love department. I been through hell and back. I have not yet reached a heaven. We all strive to find some kind of happiness.
Viewed: 10 times
Added: 7 years, 1 month ago
 
FriskECoyote
7 years, 1 month ago
Hey fella, I have no words you probably haven't heard before already, but I'm happy you at least have moments of peace and clarity like this. *hugs* Keep on truckin'!
DarkBlueAnt
7 years, 1 month ago
*hugs back* I don't have a truck! XD but thanks for reading!
FriskECoyote
7 years, 1 month ago
Hehe, no problem! Instead, get in muh van! Lotsa hugs and stuff in there!
DarkBlueAnt
7 years, 1 month ago
Stuff?.. I like stuff! *Climbs into the van."
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