I really don't know what feels worse. Knowing I've got no one significant in my life, and knowing I'm alone, or trying all these dating sites, with their promises of happiness, and chatting with someone for a few month, only to have it all shattered by just one simple message. "This person has moved on"...
I dont know what feels worse...
What hurts more...
What leaves the greatest mark...
What sends me spiralling into a well of sorrow faster...
Been hurt so many times, and stood up so many others, I'm starting to think no one will ever see me as more than just "a guy".
I've been told by many not to be so jaded at the age of 22, but can you seriously blame me. I've been dissapointed more times than you have fingers and toes, more times than I have lived in years.
Let me tell you about my first ever crush. She was by far the most beautiful young lady I had ever met. Unlike everyother girl in school, she didn't know me from grade school. She transferred, and I was lucky enough to become acquainted with her on her first day. Took me two years to build up the courage to finally tell her how I felt. She told me she felt the same, but actions speak louder than words... 8 years from the first time I spoke to her, having thought about her on many occasions.
She changed as she got older, hanging out with people who were a bad influence, taking drugs. She dated 12 different guys in one year, and I feel glad I wasn't one of them.
Shes no longer the girl I fell in love with, but memories are both your best friend, and worst enemy. If I could have an hour to rewrite a single moment of my past, shape it to my hearts desire, i would use it just to go back and remember how happy I was around her. Just refresh my memories of that young girl I once knew. It hurts to admit it, but I learned an important lesson from that experience.
It hurts.
The memories of her hurt.
A hurt that feels like it will never leave.
But I feel alive.
The hurt reassures me that the doctors were wrong.
I'm not a kid bound to feeling low level emotional responses due to improper development. If I can hurt this much, surely I can feel more than what they claimed.
I'll have to just hang in there, waiting for someone greater than her to come along and make new memories with, and to steal my heart all over again.
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7 years, 2 months ago
08 Jan 2017 16:28 CET
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