I wasn't going to post about this. Part of me wanted to just swallow the pain I guess. I miss her. I miss her every day. I generally want to die to make the pain of missing her stop. I won't. I have promised people I won't, but it's still the same desire even two years later.
It doesn't get easier. Not really. I try to write or game or talk to ignore the pain. I can't. It always hurts, it always will. the closest thing I have to comfort is the same thing that removes any hope, the finite nature of reality.
So I am going to sit here distracting myself until I pass out, try to write things that won't be very good and which I will rewrite into something less 'not very good' later. And soon I will pass out, cry, hurt and wake up to repeat the process.
Really I guess I am just venting to vent, and to tell you to cherish those you have while you have them. Because some day, you won't.
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7 years, 6 months ago
17 Oct 2016 08:58 CEST
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