I can't draw...

by ThaPig

I can't draw
I can't draw
I can't draw
I can't draw
I can't draw
I can't draw
I try
I try
I try
I try
I try
I try
I try drunk
I try sober
I try drugs
I try medications
I try to force myself to draw
I try push myself to draw
I try to draw
I try
I try
I try
I try
I try
I try
I try
I try
nothing
nothing comes out
I grab the pencil, move it across the paper, I try to draw something, I WANT to draw something.
I WANT to draw something.
I NEED to draw something.
Nothing comes out!
Nothing good comes out!
Nothing worth anything comes out!
Nothing comes out!
Nothing comes out!
Nothing comes out!
Nothing comes out!
Nothing comes out!
Nothing comes out!
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
I can't draw nothing
I draw nothing
I am nothing!
There is nothing!
There is nothing other than drawing!
There is nothing in my life more important than drawing
There is nothing in my life other than drawing
There is nothing in my life besides drawing
There is nothing in my life
There is nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
No-Thing
No Thing
no thing
I'm no thing
I'm nothing
I'm nothing!
I'm dry
I'm dead
I'm flat
I'm nothing
I can't draw
The ideas are in my head
But between the head and the hand there is something missing
I'm missing
The stories are in my head
I can't draw them
I'm not good at drawing
I'm not even bad at drawing
I'm not drawing!
I want to be drawing
I need to be drawing
Drawing is my life
I can't draw
I can't live
I'm not alive
I'm not
I'm nothing
There is nothing!
I'm uninspired
I'm dry
I'm dead
I lost the touch
I lost the knack
I lost whatever I had
I lost it
It lost me
I lost me
I lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
(Where the fuck am I?)
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
aaaaaand no...
It's not a fucking poem
It's my thoughts right now because I can't draw
I don't have it in me anymore.
And the things is that drawing is what makes me. Without drawing there is no me. There is nothing else in me other than the drawing part and that part is now dry, limp, broken, dead....
I'm dead
Worse than dead, because death is supposed to be the end, no more pain, no more suck... but I'm still here. The pain is still here. And I can't draw!

Viewed:	25 times
Added:	7 years, 7 months ago 28 Sep 2016 12:41 CEST

5 Comments on this Journal

Leave a Comment...

SenGrisane

7 years, 7 months ago

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Know the feeling. Very frustrating when you want to draw but can't. I try writing during these times.

Meridianbat

7 years, 7 months ago

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I also know that one. Everything interrupts the few things that I actually want. None of the people around me are willing to help with the burden so I must do everything by myself or live in squalor... no, not or... by myself and still live in squalor.

I too often want it all to just stop.

Unfortunately, all I seem to be able to do is keep going. I am not allowed to end. I wish there was some other way for us.

GreenPika

7 years, 7 months ago

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@ Meridianbat

I'ma say a prayer for you. hope it gets better. :(

GreenPika

7 years, 7 months ago

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Edited 7 years, 7 months ago by Owner

aw man I so know this feel :(

Before my life got washed out from under me, I used to easily produce an entire album each year. It's been 3 years now and I've made maybe half a dozen decent songs. I haven't been able to finish a single tune this year so far :(

Just try to keep calm. Keep hope alive that better days will come. Remember that creativity isn't something that runs dry. it's a flow. things can block that flow but it doesn't mean you've lost your abilities. You just need to work out what's damming up the flow.

creativity has to do with spirit. the spirit is immortal. it can't die. it can only be oppressed, chained or forgotten but it's always there, somewhere. it can always come back into the light, if the circumstances are right.

MuQ

7 years, 7 months ago

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If you look at the text laying on the side you have crated the cityscape for Pintons next adventure, will they validate his parking?

Art block is a pain, all artists will go through it more then ones, just keep on trying and it will come back to you :)

And you are not worthless, i love your art and i am really happy that i got a drawing from you and i got your comic book in my self together with other artists such as adman warren, masamune shirow and johji manabe.

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