I've been percolating thoughts on this for a while, but needed to refine them a lot before I could say what I wanted.
I'm a switch in a lot of ways. I'm a 50/50 bisexual guy and I like tops and bottoms and both at once. I can play all the roles and I like it plenty, so long as the kink is in service to the sex, and not the other way around.
But even though my preferences are even in art, the reception is not. I love doing femdom; it's neat and fun and subversive... kind of. Except the trouble of time is that the longer you spend in a group, the less impactful those subversions get. Like I run with a socially liberal kind of clique. Well, more like I cultivate it; I try very hard to appreciate and keep friends and acquaintances that run counter to that preference, but it's the kind of person I attract. The numbers are going to favor one over the other through sheer magnetism.
The reason why this matters, personally if not in any larger sense, is that femdom is fun because it's a subversion, a reversal of the normal power dynamic that we see subtly enforced through invisible social pressures. But... for someone like me, who's more often than not pushed against those pressures and hung out with people for whom femdom is a very well-established and well-loved interest (and has had strong women of various types all through his life)... it doesn't feel subversive to me. It feels normal! It's less "Oh my god a woman being dominant" and more "Lady gets more aggressive." I mean it's fun, and I still like it quite a bit, but it doesn't necessarily tickle that thrill of "this is not what's supposed to happen."
For me, I started really embracing in recent years, the maledom side of things. Which is the mirror of femdom, obviously. It asserts the male presence over (at least in my case) female and other male presences for the purposes of a fantasy. Which has been the norm for centuries, but because I have such a different personal experience, feels subversive and taboo to me. I've had such a long standing belief in the equality and empowerment of women that the idea of them being handled gratuitously and with prejudice feels weird and wrong and exciting in the way all taboo-type kinks are. It's the same reason why my whatever-to-bi experimentation kink has largely had to do with lesbians thus far: it isn't that I don't like the idea of doing it with straight and gay men as well, but rather that because of the way I've been raised, the idea of asking a woman to go against her own sexuality is so much more galling in a thrilling way. Like I couldn't even do this kink iRL; I'd die of embarrassment.
This has had two knock-on effects that I don't necessarily like: 1. It passively attracts the kind of person who believes this is appropriate behavior outside of a fantasy. I don't mind pushing these people away, I don't want to entertain the notions of someone who unironically writes for a Pick Up Artist site. And, 2. It's brought the ire of some who don't like seeing (ladies especially) subjected to this kind of treatment. Which I can understand to a point, I mean the existence of the previous list item is all the justification you need there. But at the same time... I really don't get up in the morning to be moralized and kinkshamed over something that, should I draw the equivalent with switched roles or two of the same sex, will get nothing but praise.
I mean don't get me wrong, this isn't an epidemic. I've only gotten a handful or two of these kinds of comments. But it does make me feel like I have to somehow thread a needle, letting two halves of my interest never touch even though they both came from the same person: Me. At the same time, I'm not gonna hide any part of what I like; that would be inauthentic and you can't hide anything on the Internet anyway.
Bottom line: I'm a big ball of complicated feelings that likes femdom and femsub and I'm not gonna stop drawing either. If you don't like 'em, block the tags and add 'bondage' and 'semicon' in there for good measure.
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7 years, 6 months ago
23 Sep 2016 06:57 CEST
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