*sits down, curling his knees to his chest, head down on his knees* I'm so damn tired, guys. Like, you have no idea. There's just so much going on and my brain can't handle it all.
Just...let me preface everything by apologizing to all of you for any grouchiness, any neglect, or any hard feelings you may have toward me for any other reason. I'm sorry I'm not here.
Currently: I'm workin 40+ hours a week, while attending school. It takes me 40 minutes to an hour to get to either location. Mondays and Wednesdays, I do both. So I usually have 15 hour days. I'm doing now minimum 9 hour shifts. I'm so exhausted.
Maybe this kind of stuff is 'normal' to some people. Maybe my schedule isn't 'that bad'...but for me it is. It's absolutely exhausting and it's driving me insane. The only day I can get off in a single week is a Sunday. and even then that's iffy becuase we're so understaffed they have me work an extra 10 hours on those days.
Y'know, while homework still needs to be a thing.
I miss time. I miss life. I miss...being. And I know, I know, I need to sacrifice now to be more comfortable later. But goodness I'm so exhausted of it all.
I miss you guys. I try to juggle as much time with you all as I can. I'm constantly on Telegram, Skype, and Discord as often as I can as to not let my friendships and relationships run dry (because I'm not the only one this busy, or this tired so I NEED to consistently maintain relationships, apparently.) Hell, I even sometimes freaking message while I'm in the shower. I'm dead serious. I really hate the fact I cannot seem to deepen my friendships with many the way I desire simply because Im NOT HERE. Its tiring. And it hurts.
Meanwhile, I miss coloring. I miss writing. I miss roleplaying. I miss spending time with people without having to cut into my sleep. Putting everything on the backburner is almost as tiring, though, as actualy doing it. Guilt and sress are assholes when they work in tandem.
Heck, my irl friends have even been put on the backburner, putting my DND games aside and stuff.
I can't even bring myself to enjoy any game that has a story in the what? 2 hours I game a week now?
I'm 3 weeks into school and I still havent even gotten all of my affairs for school put in order yet. I'm just...so dang stressed, guys. So I m sorry if I havent been here for months at a time. This...being constantly busy, working, schooling....its been a constant. And again, i'm sorry. My first actual 'vacation' away from stress, work, and worry won't even be here until December for MFF.
In case you didn't hear me before. I'm sorry about all the neglect. I miss you all and I truly love you guys. Sorry if I've made you even question it at all.
Who knows. Maybe one day you'll see me a little less stressed. Til then, catch you all around.
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7 years, 7 months ago
18 Sep 2016 20:54 CEST
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