NOTE: this will be better edited when I am sober and not on a smart phone.
Over a decade ago when I as still in my late 20s/early 30s I was afraid I was too old to be a part of the Denver/Boulder furry community. There was a nice wolf a few years older than me who convinced me I was wrong.
Fast forward a few years and a barely legal fur I yiffed with told everyone I got drunk and force myself on him. Even back then I couldn't get hard when drunk. To make matters worse this artist claimed he got HIV from me. To this day I remain HIV negative but that did not matter to the local community back then. It was relayed to me by someone I trusted that many of them wanted me harmed over this, including the wolf who convinced me that I was NOT too old. Rather than cause more drama, I simply faded into the shadows.
It turns out this guy was never HIV positive and just wanted the attention. But I was too hurt and avoided most of the furs I knew back then, especially the wolf who had convinced me that if he was welcome that with me being younger I surely would be welcome. For a time I kept in touch with his mate but we drifted apart due to life and all that.
Well tonight I spoke and drank with both the wolf and his mate. For a brief time it felt like the lies of the past had never happened. Once again I was made to feel like I was welcome and maybe even forgiven for the falseities I had once been accused of.
What do I make of this?
Am I truly forgiven for something I didn't do, or am I just being treated with hospitality as those of my generation and before were taught to do? Either way, for a while it felt good to be back with the drinking, talking, and going on as if all the lies and hatred had never happened.
Who knows... maybe it was all a fabrication and the wolf who once welcomed me never did turn away and it was lies others told to me to ostracize me. No matter what, for now I will chose to believe I am forgiven and truly am welcomed. Tomorrow I may crawl back into my cave and wait for Father Time and Mother Nature to come to tuck me in bed that final time, but for a brief Period tonight I am happy to feel forgiven for a wrong I never did.
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8 years, 7 months ago
08 Aug 2015 09:44 CEST
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