No matter what i do as of recent, i seem to be thrown curve balls in life. Most recently i have been hit so hard with that ball right in the face that id rather lay down and die then continue on. I am loosing those who mean most to me and i do not know why. My partner who means the world to me, many friends or who i thought were friends because of my depression over my partners kidnapping and now most recently a dear friend of mine who i care about very deeply and i have no clue why.
I am sick of loosing those i feel mean the world to me, i am sick of this bullshit whore i have to take the beating and feel like i must stand alone while those around me continue on. I try hard, and even give up my own health and well being for the sake of others, but when the hell are others going to start carrying me a bit for once ? Have i not given up enough in life to protect others, my own happyness and well being. I have been friendly, open minded, understanding and caring of most if not all people i deal with daily but yet it seems thats not enough. I am not a perfect human being, nor a perfect friend, nor a perfect furry but i like to think i try hard enough that i would stop loosing those around me who i care for the most.
At this stage the only thing keeping me held togeather is the hopes that i will get Flamey back one day and Pernax. Each day though it seems i am slipping more and more and its getting to the point soon where i feel i just cant hold on any longer. I will fight to protect and be here for Flamey and Pernax but i feel i am getting no where, and rather going backwards in what i felt was an ok life.
Sorry for this emo journal but things are starting to build past my breaking point and at this stage i need to vent before i tip over.
Viewed: |
28 times |
Added: |
9 years, 3 months ago
16 Dec 2014 15:55 CET
|
|