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straycat74

69 journal

69 Questions journal...

1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
yes I could... as long as I can still smoke a pipe once in a while

2: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused?
heartbroken, divorced for 13 years, and confused as to why I cannot find someone

3: What if I told you that you were pretty?
I would expect the next word out of your mouth to be "Ugly".

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?
no. my ex-wife said "it's not me, it's you. your an asshole." and that was on the divorce papers >.<

5: Are you interested in anyone right now?
I am interested in ANY ONE right now... (desperation much?)

6: What are you looking forward to in the next week?
I'm not looking forward to anything... but next week I figure I'll be putting in at Least 3500 miles, getting stuck in traffic and construction, dispatch waiting until the last possible moment to send me infor for a load that was supposed to pickup BEFORE they sent me the info, not being able to find parking, not being able to find a bathroom when I need it, not being allowed to merge...

in other words, the same fucking bullshit I deal with EVERY week...

7: Do you want to be single?
NO!

8: Did you go out or stay in last night?
I am ALWAYS out. I want to go home

9: How late did you stay up last night?
drove until about 1:30am because the east coast FUCKING SUCKS >.<

10: Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot?
no...

11: Last three things you had to drink?
mocha capa frapa rappa chino latte espresso mocha... thingy.
sugar free Gatorade
diet coke with Splenda

12: Have you ever pretended to like someone?
no.

13: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?
no.

14: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?
no :cry:

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?
yes. it's been over 13 years and I am still not over my ex... because there has been no one since her :cry:

16: Think back five months ago, were you single?
I can think back 13 YEARS and I was still single :cry:

17: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?
it's 9:37 am... so 12:30pm has not happened yet... but I already know I'll be driving

18: Hold hands with anyone this week?
no

19: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
yes I could, but I would rather have the option

20: What would you name your future daughter?
nothing. I do not want a "future" daughter.. I want MY daughter BACK :cry:

21: Do you miss anyone?
yes, but my aim is improving.

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?
no, but I Am willing to try!

23: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?
no

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?
no... which is why every one thinks I am always depressed... because I am.

25: Have you ever cried from being so mad?
no. I get loud when I get mad.

26: Who did you last see in person?
the coffee lady, she gave me coffee... in person...

27: Are you listening to music right now?
no

28: What is something you currently want right now?
someone to love and to love me :cry:

29: What is the last thing you said out loud?
"Occupied!" I was in the bathroom...

30: How is your heart lately?
literally or figuratively? literally it's functional... figuratively it's fucking broke.

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
infrequently

32: Are you wearing socks?
only when it's below freezing out.

33: What do people call you?
assholes, mother fuckers, stupid fucking morons, and "LEARN TO DRIVE YOU COCK BITING FUCKTARD!"

34: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
no. I don;t like anyone. but I end up talking to a bunch of people... work related.

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?
my life IS a stressful situation.

36: Who did you last share a bed with?
my brothers dog China

37: Did you do something bad today?
yeah, living... I'm rather bad at this whole "Life" thing...

38: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
more than 13 years ago

39: Do you get stressed out easily?
a lot, yes. easily? stress isn't "easy". if it was easy, it wouldn't be stressful

40: Will you sing today?
no

41: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?
yes. I wanna tell all those fucking four-wheelers to learn to fucking drive

42: Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone?
I don't "go" to anyone. I call my brother because no one else answers my calls anymore.

43: Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?
no

44: What are you listening to right now?
this is the second time you have asked the same question. NO.

45: What is wrong with you right now?
now there is a list with no end to it... how much time do you have?

46: What is on your wrists right now?
Swiss Legend Neptune in dark grey.

47: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?
I'm not wearing one right now.

48: What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider?
depends on my mood.

49: Do you make wishes at 11:11?
no. 11:11 is code for First Come First Serve in my company... and I only WISH that when dispatch tell me it that they are actually right for a change.

50: Are you a good artist?
no

51: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?
how the fuck would I know? the only time I ever loved someone I got fucking hurt soo bad I still have not recovered from it, and it's been over a decade...

52: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?
no, because six months ago it was the exact same as right the fuck now.

53: Ever been on a golf cart?
yes

54: Do you have trust issues?
yes, every time I trust someone, I get fucked over >.<

55: Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who?
no.

56: Do you own something from Hot Topic?
used to could. but I have not been in a mall since I was happily married... about 15 years ago

57: Do you use chap stick?
only when I need to.

58: Have you ever slapped someone in the face?
no, but I have wanted to

59: Do you have a little sister?
no

60: Have you ever been to New York?
too many fucking times... and even ONCE is too many fucking times >.<

61: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
at the time, yes... she still divorced me :cry:

62: Have you hugged someone within the last week?
no

63: What were you doing at midnight last night?
driving

64: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
yes, my ex-wife.

65: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
no.

66: Were your last three kisses from the same person?
it's been over 13 years... I cannot remember the last three kisses I got

67: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?
it's been over 13 years... I cannot remember the last three kisses I got

68: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
I would MUCH rather sleep with someone. I've been sleeping alone for over 13 years and I Fucking Hate It >.<

69: Will next Friday be a good one?
no, it'll be like ever other Friday. either I'll be working, waiting to work, Wanting to work... or I MIGHT actually be home for a little bit.
Viewed: 7 times
Added: 4 years, 11 months ago
 
LabrnMystic
4 years, 11 months ago
Not to sound cruel, but it sounds like you need more than just your own will power to get over this Ex, pal. Have you been to any kind of therapy or counseling? Take a listen to Dr. Drew's podcast sometime. He brings up alot of good points.

I mean, I don't know if you skimmed or read mine, but I'm going on 7 years now since my last connection. Listened to some podcasts, did a little soul searching on the loneliest of nights. Then one day just started to take a step at a time towards telling myself " I'm going to be over this person."  You literally have to demand it of yourself. Not "Try." Not "I hope." NO! You must tell and discipline your mind that things not only need to change, must change, and will change! Why? Because you said so.

The desperation act doesn't work. I used to be so desperate to find someone, and the one who meant the most to me happened by accident when I stopped trying so hard.
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