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Fantasy vs. Desire

So, knowing people and working in pornography, I'm sometimes struck by this distinction. I have kind of a hard time understanding it, really. But there is a big divide, for most of us, between the things we want in our fantasies and the things we actually desire. I'll go into some examples to clarify that.

It's easiest to see in the bigger fetishes. Like, the ones that are already a whole big, fantasy framework; incidentally, these sorts of fantasies tend to be the ones that are between difficult and impossible in the real world. So for example, vore; obviously some people do, in fact, want to be eaten and digested. But enough people who want to be eaten are still squeamish enough about that whole digestion thing that even their fantasies need to have escape methods. And the majority, I think, would not actually do it in the real world regardless. I mean, not many people would commit suicide for a fetish scene, right?

I've just created the danger of this going way off topic so I'm going to drop vore now. Just suffice it to say that if you are actively interested in being consumed alive by some creature... well, go work on that I guess. Or not. Probably shouldn't. Whatever, moving on.

Back to my original consideration, it's much more interesting when we get down to the things that are very possible. But these exact behaviors will turn most of us off in real life. Time for more examples!

So hey, most of us like threesome and orgy porn. I know from favs and views that group sex is really, really popular amongst us perverts, in fact! But the vast majority of us wouldn't do it. Well, leave me out of the 'us' there, but even then, I'm pretty picky about the situation. I'm not just going to jump into any opportunity with nary a thought.

Rape fetishes tend to work this way, too. Even the people who fantasies about committing rapes aren't generally rapists, it's more about power and a lack of accountability (like, if I do something and the other person doesn't like it, instead of it ruining the night it doesn't matter) but mostly it's a popular fetish with girls and guys who like to bottom, but again, it's not like they're out trolling alleyways hoping someone drags them away and rapes them. It's about force and submission, not actually getting raped.

How about impregnation fantasies, especially those hinging on impregnating strangers/people you're not in a relationship with. This is rather different from even fantasizing about having a child with your partner. Yeah, lots of guys go out and have unprotected sex and get girls pregnant in the real world. I posit, though, that this is rarely due to a fetish and more to do with simple selfishness. And much more so for the girls, for whom this situation is about poor planning. I believe it's rather unusual for a person to have flings and one night stands while desperately hoping they result in a baby. I think that's a fair presumption.

three examples is a good place to move on, I think, but honestly I mostly want to talk about the first one (which is actually a pretty big blanket item), as I think most of us can understand easily that rape and pregnancy fetishes are mostly focused on powerplay through representation (ie, what a fetish essentially is). But the threesomes, the orgies, the partner swapping, the cuckolding, etc... the fantasies where you're having sex with someone who is sleeping with other people and you know it. That's what I'm getting down to.

So, show of hands, how many of you like group sex in porn? Another show of hands, how many of you want to have group sex in real life? And how many of those hands kinda sorta like the idea maybe, but imagining the situation where it would work is terribly unlikely? That's a hugely different number of hands, isn't it? In fact, how many of you couldn't help but look at the bottom in that situation as a whore?

For a real world example, I remember reading a few years ago this bit of drama. At a big furry con a guy was organizing a room sex party where the only rule was that anyone who came had to come on him. He had this rule because the previous year, while quite a few people showed up only like three elected to actually use him, like he had wanted. He'd figured getting a whole bunch of guys who liked watching a twink get bukaked would result in exactly that, but it ended up 90% of them were only interested in watching it happen. I'd say "or shy" but these are already people who decided to show up at an orgy party, so I'm ruling shy right the hell out.

How that whole drama turned out isn't important, though one part of it is. People got upset about it being unsafe, even though he required anyone coming to have proof of a recent STD test. Now, I'm not here to argue about how reliable the tests are or anything, just pointing out that the people getting upset about a total stranger trying to live out a fantasy that FA contains BILLIONS of images of where assuming he was a disease ridden slut unworthy of respect. I'm willing to bet 90% of them later jerked off to images of very similar things happening. And that's why this whole topic confuses me!

So to remind the, like, three people reading this the current premise is: most people like to look at multiple people fucking one submissive, but in real life would become disgusted by that submissive.

For the bottom, let's keep going with this; how many people are turned on by the idea of multiple people using them or pleasuring them, but in real life wouldn't be able to go through with it? Probably the majority again.

So why? Is it purely a matter of trust? I mean, the more people you have to convince yourself are safe (because honestly, you're never TRULY sure, even with your partner) the harder it is to believe you're really safe. But I don't think that's why it is. I think it has a lot more to do with looking down on the person taking all them dicks, and the fear of people thinking exactly that of us if we take all them dicks. Certainly the idea that people, particularly the male stereotype, love the idea of sluts but then hate the actual 'sluts' isn't new, but... isn't recognizing that the first step to getting over our stupid hangups?

And if we don't actually want to have orgies then why do we keep seeking out porn of it? Are we not actually imagining ourselves as part of that situation? Is the appeal more purely voyeuristic than the assumptions we make about porn? And really... isn't voyeurism generally more about placing yourself, through imagination, into the skin of another person's sex life anyway? Window shopping for different kinds of experience, so to speak.

Finally, should we feel bad about this discrepancy? I'm going to say yes. Quite frankly, it is disastrously unfair to look down on people while also fantasizing about them. If not for your own clearly fractured sense of desire then for respect of another person's humanity. And also honesty, because they're the one living their dream. You're the one feeling bad for yours (if you're not, then don't take this personally; I kind of have to speak in very general terms right now) putting down people who aren't really any different from you. Don't say you can't help but have those feelings, either; you can work against your own nature to become a better person. It's, like... what the entire history of human society is about. Becoming better than we were.

Now, all of that said, would any of you who liked that group sex porn but didn't want to do it RL reconsider? Or do you still have no interest?
Viewed: 23 times
Added: 5 years, 11 months ago
5 years, 11 months ago
Since almost all of my fantasies are twice removed (once to my character Danji, then again to the android world of MERVAS), I keep myself constantly aware that they are things that cannot be done in the real world, nor would I want to do them in the real world. The only way I'd ever actually consider doing anything like that is if I were in virtual reality or a real life equivalent of an android theme park where doing anything you wanted without consequence was encouraged.

That being said, in reality I'm also a demisexual, meaning that I need to feel an intense level of emotional comfort, security, and connection to a partner before I can even do the most vanilla act. In roleplay or art, my character gobbles up the hedonistic joys that MERVAS gives him, doing all kinds of crazy things that he'd never be able to do with organic beings. Even he feels that his ability to do these things is amazing, whereas the MERVASian entertainment units simply feel it is normal and what they were meant to do.
5 years, 11 months ago
With those crazy, violent fetishes then yeah, the discrepancy is easy to understand, unless one is a sociopath.  With something that's only a little removed from vanilla, though... I just can't get it.  Sure, you need androids to make guro acceptable, but not a threesome.  All you need for that is high fives!  And, well, a couple friends I guess.
5 years, 11 months ago
I'm with you on this. One of my biggest fantasies is consensual non-fatal vore, which, barring an alien species with rather unusual anatomy, will always remain strict fantasy.
5 years, 11 months ago
Yeah, that non-fatal part is a real sticking point.  Even the animals we think of capable of swallowing a person whole, like large snakes, are generally in the habit of killing you first.  About the only thing I can think of that could work is trying to pull a Pinochio and getting swallowed by a whale or a very large fish, and I know of a couple that can, but getting out could prove tricky at the least.  I did read about a diver that got swallowed by a Goliath Grouper and climbed out through its gills, though....

Still not a great idea to try and simulate something like that, though.
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