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My lousy days as security guard

My lousy days as a security guard

It started on a small post gate in a luxurious apartment complex.  I had to work for over 12 hours on the weekends, signing in and out every single asshole that drove by whether they lived there or not.  No excuses.  Everything from the time they left and came and the liscense plate.  I would have assholes every other time but no one as much as some bald headed middle aged jerkwad who would GLARE at me every time he came and went, would not even bother saying hi when I was on the post.  I didn't cared, dealing with assholes of all types are part of said line of work, therefore I let the little racist gumball had his fill of getting ulcers whenever I was on.

Now, in said posts you don't have a bathroom within the little confined space, but there was a stink-filled portapotty a few paces away in the parking lot whenever nature called.

In such instances, we had to place a hand-made display stating we were away from post, and some orange cones voiding anyone driving by and having to WAIT until you took a shit in said portapotty and came back to let them in.  Again, no excuses.

And as it stood out, there was a damn camera recording making sure you would do such things if you didn't want to get fired for neglecting anything just to relief yourself.

OK, so it was then I had to go and after placing everrything up as a way to say AFK, I picked up a small pathetic flashlight to guide me to that thing and keep me lite up as I was inside until finished.  I remember it was a saturday night around 4 AM when I had to go that time.  No sooner than I was finishing up when I hear the frantic beep of a certain vehicle from a certain bald headed asshole.  I cursed under my breath because I wasn't going to just jump out and run with pants down simply because an asshole that hates me for being MEXICAN had to let him in.  So just a couple minutes later I walked over and started taking all that shit out of his way so he could just drive in and leave me the hell alone, only to find out he was already kicking the cones out himself, so I comfronted him about doing such and the fact I had to be present not only to let his ass in but to also keep record of him being inside.  He in the meantime just kept screaming a series of obsecinities even Quarantino would blush at and demanded my name.  I obligued, asking his in turn.  He just got inside his cherry red expensive vehicle, compensating for the obvious, and sped up inside, not without giving me one final glare deep into my Aztec soul.

Shrugging, I wrote down a report and was sure the camera caught all this nonsense anyway, so I was not going to bother worrying about this jerkwad lying about doing my job.

Aha, yeah...next day I get slapped on the face with a termination report stating that the manager of the place kept receiving complaints about me left and right.

Yeah, bullshit.

But you know what?  I let it go in leiu of being at another post.  Was tired of having be cramped in a pathetic little post where anytime a car might just ram me and kill me on the spot for being a fucking drunkard like most of the upper class residents in said place were anyway.

And if I had to confront said racist cueball one more time then I would've just toss my flashlight at him hoping I could crack his head like an eggshell.

So I was moved to another post where I had my own little golf vehicle thing and was guarding the parking lot of sorry excuse of a mini hospital, which happened to be placed just before a seedy apartment complex where all night long suspicious vehicles would  arrive and leave.  That place wasn't my concern, said people that lived there and used the parking lot by hoping the fence, thus tresspasing was.  Most of them were ghetto ass nobodies, screaming that I had no "right" to do anything about them neglecting the law proposed in said territory.

Other than that, only a few nusiances like stupid employees working in said hospital who thought I was some rentacop to be pushed around was pretty much the standard as in any other post you work as...well, a rentacop.

As it turns out one day after I relieved the guy so I could start my freakin' third shift, he informed me that moments prior some guy busted inside some dumbass' car because said dumbass left his blueberry plus other crap you are NOT supposed to leave in view in your car, no matter if you had a car alarm or not.  Telling me this, I left a note and then he told me I should report it because he was leaving.  I was like, uh fuck no buddy, it happen in YOUR shift, don't care if it happen 3 minutes before your time was up or not, YOU are the one making the report, not me because you didn't EVEN give me any details about it, and I bet you didn't even called the police about it.

So I was like fuck you, and let him go, because if the people in charge would ask me, then I would have to point out at what TIME it happened and I barely came in as this guy eagerly wanted to go.

Again, no one would have ANYTHING on me because I wasn't EVEN there when it happened and it was not MY SHIFT.  So  I didn't worried.

The next weekend I drive to the same spot on a different day to the same damn shift and I find some overweight guy yapping on his tiny cellphone inside MY golfcart.  So, WTF?  I dialed up the post quarters asking what was HE doing in my place, or if they decided to change schedules without even calling me about it.  They went on saying that I was fired because said dumbass blamed ME for what happened to his damn blueberry and all the stuff he left in his car.  I was yelling to them stating that had NOTHING to do with me because it wasn't my SHIFT and I wasn't THERE when it happened.  Meanwhile, said obese rentacop waddled towards me like a hungry hippo over anything that is its path and began knocking on my window demanding to know who and why I was there.  Obviously his beady eyes accustomed to seeing food did not recognized that I was wearing a UNIFORM complete with a BADGE sewn on it.

As I ignored the heavy angry breathing on my window, I kept telling these people that the least they could;ve done is if they were going for that bullshit then they could call me and we would talk so I could make a damn statement about me having nothing to do with that shit.

They just went like "UUUUHHHH....UH.....UHHHH....", which I imagined was the equivalent of picking your nose while staring at water running from a faucet and not caring enough to close it.

Whatever.  I sped away almost running over Shamu there and next day drove all the way to the main office, tossing the uniform at their face and just letting them know they were as useful on supervising people as Bush was on being a president for 8 damn years.  Was that or them placing me to guard a damn Luby's in the middle of nowhere.  Outside.  Even staying hours after it was closed.  Fuck you.

Sadly, I will admit being a security guard was the best job I had since it actually was myself with no one screaming at me for anything or to do anything, which meant I could just twiddle my thumbs counting whatever stars could be visible with all that polluted city sky, and eat at anytime I cared for, while writing whatever on the daily report.

Eh, well, that's life.
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Added: 5 years, 6 months ago
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