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Milkie

Gay brother? No problem. But suicidal...?

by
Today has been so busy...

I got The Last of Us, then went to work. Got off work, went home to play my game. I played for maybe twenty minutes, then there's a knock on the door. It's my younger brother's friend and old co-worker, and he tells me to get in touch with my Mom... it's important.

So I do it. I get my Mom over so my brother's friend can meet her and tell her what's going on with my brother.

My brother is gay. My mother and I were never told. No one in my family was told. But he has strong feelings for this friend of his. So we got hit with that bombshell right away. Well, it was more like a party-popper than a bombshell. We have always... assumed that my younger brother was gay, but naturally he'd never tell us. Strangely though, he's sure that me, my brother, my father and my mother would all understand and accept him regardless of who he slept with, which makes it so strange he hasn't out and told us...

Anyway, my brother is gay. It doesn't sound like he's all that open with himself though, or all that certain of himself. I wish I could help him out, but he'd never let me in.

Well, the second bit of news? My little brother feels so alienated, so alone, so... hard done by, he's apparently had some depressive tendencies, and even suicidal ones. This one came as more of a shock to me and my mother as we listened. This friend has known my brother for three, maybe four years now. My little brother adores this guy - even has romantic feelings for him - but the guy is straight. He can't feel the same way. It's just not there. It's caused a lot of stress and heartache for my brother, it seems...

Well, long story short, my brother has supposedly claimed to have done hard drugs (but he can't even handle marijuana) . He's supposedly attempted to drink himself into heavy alcohol poisoning. And he's claimed himself a bridge - a spot where if it all came down to it, he'd jump. He's said he wants to kill himself if he doesn't... feel better soon.

This of course shakes me much deeper. My little brother can sleep with and be with whomever makes him happy. No one in my immediate family will ever scorn him for that. He is entitled to that happiness just as much as the rest of us without any question. But his way of thinking has got his friend so concerned that he HAD to tell my mother about it so that she had a heads up. We have the warning now. Now we need to act. But we don't know how. My brother is so insanely private (I'm no different), it's hard to know where to begin. We've reached out to our Aunt (a lesbian), who wanted to know as soon as we learned my brother was gay (as she also suspected for some time)... she wants to be there for him. We think it might help.

But I know as soon as we act on what we've heard, my brother will feel... betrayed. His best friend (and crush) ratted him out to his parents and brothers. It's going to hurt him. He'll hate his friend, never speak to him again... but he'll likely lash out at us as well.

We're not sure what we can do, but we will try everything we can, and soon, to help my brother. Gay is one thing, but suicidal is completely another. Poor kid's eighteen... he's so mixed up.

... I dunno. I thought I might share. It's hard to think of anything else.
Viewed: 88 times
Added: 5 years, 5 months ago
 
XZeddX
5 years, 5 months ago
I just hope your brother will feel better and understand to do rash things wont solve anything,I remember being that age as well..
Dajku
5 years, 5 months ago
I hope your brother pulls through! Best regards.
BurstingSeas
5 years, 5 months ago
Okay, try to spend an time with him, or get other gay people with him (Wow, that sounded so mean, sorry), have some fun, hang out, play "The Last of Us" with him, and if he's sure he'll do it, strap him in a chair and just watch him till he blows over and calms down....maybe play some Uno or Go-fish.
Jeffron
5 years, 5 months ago
gay or not brothers are brothers and we all have a duty to stick by them when they need us,I wish for your brother to overcome is troubles and maybe even find someone new,I will be hopful that you not experience a loss
ColeSutra
5 years, 5 months ago
Aw man, Milkie.. This hits especially close to home, so even though it's hard to get my thoughts in order on this, I want to try anyways.  This is going to come off harsher than I want it to be, but the best thing you can do is tell him that you know.  If you want to help your brother, you're going to have to do it the hard way.  It's going to hurt you, hurt him, and might hurt others in your family.  But you need to tell him you know about his depression and the thoughts and attempts at suicide.  Make it clear to him that the ONLY reason you'll care about the why is to better help him.  The why is secondary.  The whats, the hows, the wheres, the whos, and the whens.  Stress the importance of those to him.

If he wants to stress about the why, confront it head on and make him see that it's not going to be a big deal to you or the rest (most?) of the family.  That particular "why" doesn't suddenly make him a different person.  And more importantly, don't treat him any differently.  Don't point out cute guys to him, don't make it a conversational topic.  Unless he starts wanting you to.  He's got his heart set on this straight friend of his, and it's pretty clear that there's no way it's going to work out in his favor..  Getting him over that is going to be the harder hill to climb.  He'll shut you down and shut you out on that harder, faster, and maybe even violently..  This friend of his that he's crushing on so hardcore will probably need to take part on this.  It sucks big time because it'll likely mean dismanteling their friendship.  And that's going to be hard on everyone around your brother.

Believe me, I'm currently going through what your brother is.  Been in love with my best friend for over a decade, she's on the lesbian end of the bi-spectrum, either that or asexual.  In either case, completely unrequited emotions and desires.  But with just enough ocassional sprinklings of hope to keep me from swallowing as many bottles of pills I could lay my hands on with a jack daniels chaser, or drawing a hot bath and opening an artery in my neck.  Though it's been my older brother who's attempted suicide twice..I've only ever purposely over-medicated a couple of times.  It's not a fun trip, and the longer it goes on this way, the more likely it is that your brother's going to hurt himself or worse.  If he's willing to get help, a good therapist can do a world of good.  But only if your brother is willing to make the effort himself, and unfortunately it doesn't sound like he is, yet.

But I'll be wishing you and your family luck in handling this.  And hoping your brother's able to pull through this.  It's hard to see it through the veil of shit that our minds often hang over things based on bad experiences, but there's a world of happiness out there waiting to be enjoyed.
Eviscerator
5 years, 5 months ago
I'm really not sure what to say, and from what you're sharing this matter has to be handled skillfully. Not necessarily delicately.

I'd suggest staging an intervention, if possible, talk him into seeing a therapist. Depression is rarely something that just 'gets better', and it's not a thing you can keep sucking up long-term.  If he doesn't go willingly, and you and your family can't get him therapy against his will (Which would be difficult without evidence that he's a danger to himself), then all you can do is just...try to make your support, love, and acceptance known.

As far as not ratting out the friend who shared this?  Well, as you say, there have been suspicions for a long time, try and work the conversation that way.  No outting of him, of course, just a small family meet-up between his brother, parents, and hopefully the aunt.

Oh, try and get ahold of a suicide hotline number.  If he won't call, they should at least be able to tell you of some local resources you can use to help him.
PonderousPlatypus
5 years, 5 months ago
Well, there is a bit of good news. The fact that your brother has told somebody about his plans for suicide is a strong indicator that it's likely a cry for help. Many people, especially teenagers, will mention potential suicide with very little intention of actually doing it. I myself was one of those people, at one point. It's important to note that the way he told his friend was almost a threat... 'if somebody doesn't do something, I will do this'. This is a fairly good sign he simply feels like he needs some attention and doesn't know how best to get the support he feels like he needs in this tough time. Generally, people who are serious about committing suicide don't say anything, and you only find out after one of their attempts.

That said, it is still very important you intervene. It's never good to put somebody's life on the line, even if avoiding it means making them angry. Your brother might initially be upset that he wasn't outed to his family on his own terms, but after the initial shock wears off stress that you are there for him, and try to become more involved. You might want to be careful of forcing yourself on him, but just start inviting him to do more things. Call up to talk every so often. Make it clear that he has a place he can go, a lifeline for when he feels isolated and depressed.

A therapist may be a good idea, but ONLY if he is willing to do it. Trying to force somebody to seek mental help tends to just lead to a lot of stonewalling and wasting everyone's time. But, if he is receptive to the idea, it could be a very good thing. Sometimes a neutral party to talk to can just be what somebody needs.

Either way, I wish you luck in this matter, man.
TheBlueLucario
5 years, 5 months ago
good luck. i hope he chooses life.
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