Today has been so busy...
I got The Last of Us, then went to work. Got off work, went home to play my game. I played for maybe twenty minutes, then there's a knock on the door. It's my younger brother's friend and old co-worker, and he tells me to get in touch with my Mom... it's important.
So I do it. I get my Mom over so my brother's friend can meet her and tell her what's going on with my brother.
My brother is gay. My mother and I were never told. No one in my family was told. But he has strong feelings for this friend of his. So we got hit with that bombshell right away. Well, it was more like a party-popper than a bombshell. We have always... assumed that my younger brother was gay, but naturally he'd never tell us. Strangely though, he's sure that me, my brother, my father and my mother would all understand and accept him regardless of who he slept with, which makes it so strange he hasn't out and told us...
Anyway, my brother is gay. It doesn't sound like he's all that open with himself though, or all that certain of himself. I wish I could help him out, but he'd never let me in.
Well, the second bit of news? My little brother feels so alienated, so alone, so... hard done by, he's apparently had some depressive tendencies, and even suicidal ones. This one came as more of a shock to me and my mother as we listened. This friend has known my brother for three, maybe four years now. My little brother adores this guy - even has romantic feelings for him - but the guy is straight. He can't feel the same way. It's just not there. It's caused a lot of stress and heartache for my brother, it seems...
Well, long story short, my brother has supposedly claimed to have done hard drugs (but he can't even handle marijuana) . He's supposedly attempted to drink himself into heavy alcohol poisoning. And he's claimed himself a bridge - a spot where if it all came down to it, he'd jump. He's said he wants to kill himself if he doesn't... feel better soon.
This of course shakes me much deeper. My little brother can sleep with and be with whomever makes him happy. No one in my immediate family will ever scorn him for that. He is entitled to that happiness just as much as the rest of us without any question. But his way of thinking has got his friend so concerned that he HAD to tell my mother about it so that she had a heads up. We have the warning now. Now we need to act. But we don't know how. My brother is so insanely private (I'm no different), it's hard to know where to begin. We've reached out to our Aunt (a lesbian), who wanted to know as soon as we learned my brother was gay (as she also suspected for some time)... she wants to be there for him. We think it might help.
But I know as soon as we act on what we've heard, my brother will feel... betrayed. His best friend (and crush) ratted him out to his parents and brothers. It's going to hurt him. He'll hate his friend, never speak to him again... but he'll likely lash out at us as well.
We're not sure what we can do, but we will try everything we can, and soon, to help my brother. Gay is one thing, but suicidal is completely another. Poor kid's eighteen... he's so mixed up.
... I dunno. I thought I might share. It's hard to think of anything else.
5 years, 5 months ago
15 Jun 2013 09:59 CEST