I battled. I've fought my heart out. I've tried everything I can. And where has it got me? No where. In a nutshell, she wants a divorce. She hasn't thought about anyone else other than herself. She isn't thinking about the fact that our son is waking up on a nightly basis, crying because he misses me so much. Tonight truely broke my heart. She let him call me just so he could hear my voice, and it took everything I had not to break down on the phone. As soon as the call ended, all I can say is thank god I'm with my mum and not alone. This has been the hardest time of my life, and I'm hating every single moment of it. I'm hating the fact that this marriage has broken, no matter how hard I've tried to fix it. I hate the fact that with all I sacrificed, it all means nothing. Yes, I have two beautiful children, but I wont be able to see my children on a daily basis. Thats whats going to be the hardest thing for me. Not seeing my son, my daughter. I honsetly couldn't care about my now ex-wife. I knew she'd choose herself at the end of this. I just want my children to know that this isn't their fault.
Thankfully they are young enough that they'll get used to only seeing dad every month or so. But this isn't how I wanted my relationship with my children to be. I wanted to be there with them 24/7. But this is how things have to be now. So it's not my children that are going to be the only ones that are going to be getting used to things. So yeah. Right now I'm depressed. Utterly depressed. But we all know I'll pick myself up, dust myself down and continue. It's just how I am. I'll get knocked down, but I'll get back up.
7 years, 4 months ago
17 Apr 2011 23:16 CEST