><! Anger At Father
Before you read, know: I'm not complaining about my stepdad, but my actual blood dad who I recently found stuff about.
So... I'm talking with my mom, and he mentions my father. Who abandoned me and my brother and my mom when I was diagnosed with Autism. For years I just believed he was dead. It helped me. Then, a few years ago, I learned he was alive. That he was alive, and a jerk.
He would yell at my mother, fight with her constantly. And recently, I uncovered my only memory of what I believed is him. My mom was fighting with some man who I think was him. They were yelling in Spanish, and my little infant brother was crying. My grandma grabbed me and him, and we went to the car. My mom followed soon after, yelling at him, then slamming the door. We then drove off. I'm unsure if this is a real memory, cause its all choppy and seems under formed, but it fits the descriptions I have of him from mom...
Anyways, I learned only today where he lives. And, that he has a new family. With a wife and children. Normal children. ><!!! I hate that word, but its true. His children have no physical, mental, emotional, or social disorders whatsoever.
He didn't even give me a ****ing CHANCE to grow up normal! Granted I didn't, but I probably would have if he was there for me instead of the **** who is with me now. I just hate him much more than I already did.
I know this is against my Catholic beliefs, but... I can never forgive him! I curse the rest of his days! Not his children; they're innocent in all this. But, still! I'm just, so angry at him.
So much so, in fact, I'm abandoning his last name the SECOND I turn 18. I'm going to ask my grandparents for money for a legal name change document. I'll take on their last name, which is my mom's maiden name. Cause I'm not using my stepdad's last name ><!!!
Anyways... That is all...
EDIT: I've decided... Anger got the best of me that day. I take back the curse. It truly is against my Catholic beliefs. I mean, I still hate the fact he did what he did... But, I pray I can get over this hatred of him, and forgive him... I guess...
5 years, 5 months ago
18 May 2013 18:10 CEST