I've known myself as, ever since 09 when a lot of crap happened to me, to end up crumpling into a state of temporary but powerful sadness whenever a major unfortunate event happens to me. Also interesting in that it usually happens during a time when I'm trying to do something. Such as the death of a friend and a breakup just when I was trying my hardest to make it through my first round of college.
Well, in 2013, not but a month after the anniversary of my grandfather's death, my grandmother, and his wife passed away, only when I myself and realizing and coming to terms with the fact that I may still yet be in a true state of depression. But a couple days ago, my grandmother did pass. But I'm not beaten up or broken over it.
I loved the woman. She was important to me and still is, but this time, not only was I braced, but I feel happy for her. She spent the better part of the last 20 years taking care of my grandfather. Her health only began to fade after he's suffered through years of dementia, and had already lost the man that he was before. She still carried on. Well, one year after he passed, she's finally able to see him again in heaven as the man that he really was, the one she's not seen in so many years. So...I'm actually at peace because of it.
It's funny that this happens when I'm busy trying to get more in touch with myself, though. It gives me more to think about. Right now I'm in an inner conflict with myself about the difference between "Doing" all the time, and actually trying to "Be."
My grandma did both. I have to learn from her example.
RIP Ruth-Ann Hughes.
5 years, 4 months ago
04 Apr 2013 18:41 CEST