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Kaheiyattsu

I hate my father sometimes

He can't possibly understand though he thinks he does TwT I wanna say something i wanna speak my mind to him, but it'd only lead to arguing and controversy..... why can't he understand that Having a gay friend like you growing up, and ACTUALLY FUCKING BEING GAY are two entriely different things TwT he thinks he knows the struggle i went through because of that one experience with him.... it's not the friggin same TwT

He doesn't know what it was like.... growing up having to hide yourself in fear... to hate myself.... knowing that everyone around you would look down on it because of something.... he thinks it's like a switch i can just turn on and off.... he thinks it's all just what my cock wants..... he doesn't even bother with the idea of maybey it's what my mind and heart want..... for 5 fucking years i tried my hardest to change, I screamed and cried and prayed the hardest i could for this "God" to take away these feelings... but all i was met with was silence for 5 straight years.... untill I just accepted it wasn't something that was going to change..... nothing he possibly went through could compare to that, he thinks every problem I've ever went through he's gone through too..... it's just so.... assinine....

"I had a gay friend hit on me when i was a young man"... because yeah the huge difference between you and me dad, is that you didn't like it while I might have >>

if I could stop being gay i would have a long time ago.... why would i want my family to look at me with disgust and dissapproval.... then he starts playing the "that's not what mom would want" card..... doesn't he realize all he is doing is worsening my depression with every religeous lecture he gives me...

*sigh* he always uses my mom to try to guilt me into going to church and crap....... I don't think mom would want me to not be sad and depressed....

but no he always plays that card..... and makes me more and more dperessed than i already am

*sigh* he wants me to move on and continue on with life to something greater..... but I can't do that if he keeps putting me down like that...

I can't speak up or dissagree with him... all we would do is argue...... so I just stay quiet and listen.... i don't wanna fight... i don't wanna argue...

he thinks he understands my pain and my struggle but he doesn't....

I wanna smile and grow past the pain..... but he just keeps putting me down.... how can he expect me to get up and move on if he keeps brining me back down into my depression

I'm just..... i just don't wanna fight..... i can't stand up for myself.... and nobody else will....

everyone around me is against me......

mmmmph.... just with there was one person to support me...... to help me....

but all this putting me down.... just makes me feel like not even getting outta bed..... feel like curling up and just laying there all day....

but i just.... i feel trapped..... they wonder why I don't leave my room..... it's because there's nothing out there for me.....

Viewed: 115 times
Added: 5 years, 5 months ago
 
gaki
5 years, 5 months ago
*hugs tightly*
asknot
5 years, 5 months ago
Wow, fuck him with a white-hot blade.
If you were to kill him I'd start/donate to a fund to get you out of jail time or whatever.
I'm sorry but I can't think of anything else to say about the situation, other than I've already formulated several "accidents"
Considering I've not even met the guy that's saying a lot.

I wish there was some actual way I could help.
Kaheiyattsu
5 years, 5 months ago
I don't want my dad dead.... i jus wish i could get away from him....
WhyteYote
5 years, 5 months ago
I wish I could offer a feel-good way out of this, but there is none.  And people don't usually want to hear advice that's not feel-good.
Kaheiyattsu
5 years, 5 months ago
i just wish there was some way for me to survive out there in the world.... i'd be gone asap
WhyteYote
5 years, 5 months ago
Why isn't there?
Kaheiyattsu
5 years, 5 months ago
with this towns practically non existant job market, it's near impossible to get a job, and the depression doesn't help either. and even if I could get a job and move out... it wouldn't be anywhere pleasent... would be likely to get mugged robbed or shot in any area i could afford..... the only upside to living here is that it's not a terrible neightborhood...
WhyteYote
5 years, 5 months ago
I really don't know what to say that wouldn't be offensive.  I tend to tread lightly on things like this.
jonhskitsune
5 years, 5 months ago
Don't you have any Friends or People.. you know the Best way to get a Job is by someone else calling you..

or entering some program to get experience and things
Tycloud
5 years, 5 months ago
*hugs*
Shippo
5 years, 5 months ago
*Hugs* : (
Maxicoon
5 years, 5 months ago
Sounds like there isn't any clean way out of this. Your just going to have to stand up for your self at some point. Dad or not no one has the right to tell you how to live. I'd suggest finding a friend somewhere to move in with.
EtherSaga
5 years, 5 months ago
My friend and butt buddy, never- I mean NEVER- let someone else tell you what you want and what to be. It'll be hard but you just have to stand your ground and tell him to accept who you are and what you choose to be (as if it's much of a choice). I know how it is, to be considered the minority in a society that would rather see you outcasted than accepted. But you're better than them to stoop to their low since of standards and morality.

I know I can't possibly change anything with just words. And I know I can't possibly know exactly what you're going through. I have a mother that's very understanding and backs me up with any life decision I make (but if it's a bad one she will tell me). Also she's a lesbian so... :/ that helps in that situation.

But she always tells me to be who I am and change for no one. That I'm strong and will make the right decisions, even if it's the wrong one at the time.

I think you need someone like that in your life. And I'd be more than willing to help, even if I'm not near you.
Kaheiyattsu
5 years, 5 months ago
I need all the help i can get.... even if lifes dealt me a bad hand least i got friends to least try to help me...
EtherSaga
5 years, 5 months ago
:3 anytime
Kaheiyattsu
5 years, 5 months ago
thank you buddy *cling*
SilverFang
5 years, 5 months ago
*sighs* Yer dad sounds like the typical gay hater... there's not much you can do except really try to explain to him and his thick skull that its not something that you choose or can grow out of and that him having a gay guy hitting on him is way different than being gay yerself... or just try to find a friend to live with.... I wish I could offer help but I have no idea what I would be able to do... *hugs tight*
bj
bj
5 years, 5 months ago
Try not to blame and hate him for his ignorance. It's all he knows. He pulls himself down with his arrogance and hatred; don't let him pull you down with him. You have to try and be strong, and when you can, if you would like to, sever ties with him and put him out of your mind, because he brings nothing positive to your life. Simply cut him away from yourself like a branch from a tree and be done with it as soon as you can, and move on towards the positive aspects of your life, friend =)

You can't give up on hope. There are always ways out, even if you don't see them at first. I promise your life will improve, but you have to try to improve it. All good things come in time and with hard work.
NoirtheUmbreon
5 years, 5 months ago
I know how ya feel but things get better hang in there kid big sis starlight is here :3
Kaheiyattsu
5 years, 5 months ago
I have a sister nows? O3O
NoirtheUmbreon
5 years, 5 months ago
Yes you do can't you see the resemblance? :3
Lifeofaguardian
5 years, 5 months ago
You are who you are and that's perfect, Kahei. Don't let them put you down, man. *hugs you*
I honestly don't think any father, hell, anyone, actually understands what it means to be gay, unless they are gay themselves.
Just hang in there, buddy.
If you ever feel like talking, you can always send me a pm, okay? I know you don't know me, but I'm always willing to listen. :)
ShanetheFreestyler
5 years, 5 months ago
Ugh! I don't even understand why these people exist? Trying to use the Bible at face value to say that homosexuality is wrong... Okay, if someone forced me to work on the Sabbath, should I kill him? If I had a daughter, I should sell her into slavery, right? RIGHT!?

*Sighs* This may sound funny, but I wish Fred Rogers was still alive. He was an ordained minister and a LBGT supporter! Someone like him would tell your father, point blank "God loves you just the way you are" and maybe even make him think about that.

As you said, we're talking about emotions, not something you can just turn on and off like a switch! If that was the case, these "Pray Away the Gay" congregations would actually work, but if you talked to the guys running them, they'll tell you they don't cure anything! They're just teaching people to hide their true selves, and any psychiatrist will tell you that's the worst thing you can do to someone!

Now I know you don't believe in God, but your father does. I'm not sure if he'd listen, but I'd think he'd need to see organizations for LBGT Christians, see that those people exist and hopefully their side of their understanding of the Word of God. Something that'd at least soften him up or anything.

If your father really cares about you, he'd be more willing to support you in something that may be against his beliefs. If he can't, then you really need to find a way to get away from him... Somehow... You need to be near friends who will support you!
shadycat
5 years, 5 months ago
You've got yourself a shitty situation. I don't know all that much about it, and I don't know you. What I do know is that it won't get better without effort on your part. I'm assuming you're over eighteen and out of school. If that's the case, you should be on a crusade every waking hour of every day to find a job and a way to move out of your dad's place. No excuses. Part of being a man, regardless of your sexuality, is taking responsibility for your own life and making decisions that are right for you knowing that others won't always be happy with them. Sorry. Curling up in your bed and wishing the world was some other way is not a luxury you can afford.
I dropped out of college and spent a lot of time working shit jobs for shit money before I found something better. It's going to suck. But it will only suck more if you put it off.
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