He can't possibly understand though he thinks he does TwT I wanna say something i wanna speak my mind to him, but it'd only lead to arguing and controversy..... why can't he understand that Having a gay friend like you growing up, and ACTUALLY FUCKING BEING GAY are two entriely different things TwT he thinks he knows the struggle i went through because of that one experience with him.... it's not the friggin same TwT
He doesn't know what it was like.... growing up having to hide yourself in fear... to hate myself.... knowing that everyone around you would look down on it because of something.... he thinks it's like a switch i can just turn on and off.... he thinks it's all just what my cock wants..... he doesn't even bother with the idea of maybey it's what my mind and heart want..... for 5 fucking years i tried my hardest to change, I screamed and cried and prayed the hardest i could for this "God" to take away these feelings... but all i was met with was silence for 5 straight years.... untill I just accepted it wasn't something that was going to change..... nothing he possibly went through could compare to that, he thinks every problem I've ever went through he's gone through too..... it's just so.... assinine....
"I had a gay friend hit on me when i was a young man"... because yeah the huge difference between you and me dad, is that you didn't like it while I might have >>
if I could stop being gay i would have a long time ago.... why would i want my family to look at me with disgust and dissapproval.... then he starts playing the "that's not what mom would want" card..... doesn't he realize all he is doing is worsening my depression with every religeous lecture he gives me...
*sigh* he always uses my mom to try to guilt me into going to church and crap....... I don't think mom would want me to not be sad and depressed....
but no he always plays that card..... and makes me more and more dperessed than i already am
*sigh* he wants me to move on and continue on with life to something greater..... but I can't do that if he keeps putting me down like that...
I can't speak up or dissagree with him... all we would do is argue...... so I just stay quiet and listen.... i don't wanna fight... i don't wanna argue...
he thinks he understands my pain and my struggle but he doesn't....
I wanna smile and grow past the pain..... but he just keeps putting me down.... how can he expect me to get up and move on if he keeps brining me back down into my depression
I'm just..... i just don't wanna fight..... i can't stand up for myself.... and nobody else will....
everyone around me is against me......
mmmmph.... just with there was one person to support me...... to help me....
but all this putting me down.... just makes me feel like not even getting outta bed..... feel like curling up and just laying there all day....
but i just.... i feel trapped..... they wonder why I don't leave my room..... it's because there's nothing out there for me.....
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11 years, 1 month ago
12 Mar 2013 16:43 CET
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