The past couple weeks have made me wonder what I'm doing here. I don't seem to belong. What friends I've tried to make either don't seem interested in me at all, or turn out to be people with significant social or personality disorders. The only friends I feel like I have right now are the ones I had before I moved down here 3 months ago.
My allergies are hellacious down here. The dry climate is wreaking havoc on my sinuses. Even back in January I was dealing with this, and that's not something that ever happened in Oregon. Even right now as I sit here typing this, I've got a roll of toilet paper next to me (for lack of a box of tissues, which I'd go through in a few days like this anyway), ready for the next inevitable sneeze. I know medication will only be a waste of money, just as it always has been.
I'm emotionally starved. I feel like, once again, that the only two people who even remotely care about me at all are the two that convinced me that moving down here was a good idea...and even then I'm not feeling it that much. An utter lack of physical contact doesn't help this, either. Typical as it might sound, I feel just completely unloved, like all I am to them is just a friend, when I was supposed to be more than that.
I daresay I've made a very hasty, unwise decision in moving so far from what I know. There's a very strong desire for me to move back up north, and even further; I'd be going all the way to Seattle. I have many a friend there that would be glad to know that I'm moving within casual visiting range. Not only that...but there's someone up there that wants me more than anyone else...and I want her too. Moreso than I've ever felt at any point previously in my life, I feel like I've found someone I can truly love.
7 years, 7 months ago
15 Mar 2011 04:07 CET