So, the new job is going well so far. Training is super boring because they're trying to prepare all the newbies for the scary world of being in a call center where people might be mad, oOoOoOo~ Meanwhile I'm biting my tongue not to laugh considering my last job had me giving nothing but bad news to people who were world champion screamers. At least here I can offer them a five dollar gift card here and there- before all I could offer was "nobody cares about you and you'll die alone in a ditch, half a million dollars in debt." I'd take the gift card, if it was me!
My birthday is coming up. November 11th. I'm super broke, so there won't be any spoiling myself, per se, but my mother got a bit of a windfall in a change of fortune for her own troubles, so she's treating herself to a new car, and me to an ipad. I was touched! Not to mention excited- those things are pretty darn awesome, considering what I've seen Chaytel accomplish with one. Heh, anyone in the market for a Kindle Fire?
I was thinking about something recently. When approaching people for sexy RP- or in my case, pictures for either of us to draw on the subject- there is a very different reaction based on not the composition of my character, but the poise. I'm a switch, both iRL and iRP (back when I had time for it), which means that I like both the top and bottom positions equally well. And being a split 50/50 bisexual, that means that I'm willing to be the top or bottom for any given gender as well. The result of that in theory is that I have a large field to choose from, excluding basically only people who don't like boys- something that I really don't like bending on, based on gender issues I had much earlier on in life. It's a confidence thing.
Getting back to the point, something interesting happens depending on which approach I take. If I step in as the top, making a show of confidence and maybe a little bit of silly aggressiveness, there'll be... a reaction. You know, some interest, specific parties, general good review.
But if- and remember, this is the same person/character, now!- I go in as the bottom, the soft, teasing, plush crash cushion that begs a drilling? Waaay more general interest. It's almost a line out the door to get into that pillow plow.
It's mostly funny to me, because I enjoy both. Topping is a liberating opportunity to show my creativity- to really take over the experience and drive home not just a physical, but an emotional and tonal direction that lets me mastermind the fun and let the other person largely go along for the ride. A ride which I always get praise for- girls and boys both have told me they thought I was impressive, which gives me a little feeling of pride. Bottoming, on the other hand, lets me drop the journey, the pretense, the chase onto the shoulders of others. Instead of formulating some way to woo, I just have to stir the pot and be desired. It's an incredibly ego-serving affair, much moreso than topping, to my great surprise.
Of course, there are problems. Topping requires willing participants, which is the hardest part. Boys are neat but a little uncreative, and girls are terribly hard to get your foot in the door. Bottoming has its pitfalls, too; girls tend to make it all about the talky narrative, which doesn't feed my craving for visceral physical actions... and boys tend to be at best awkwardly aggressive and at worst, utterly boring. And I think it's that last part that offends me the most- the rest of it is just people acting like I would expect, but an uncreative, or worse, unenthusiastic top just makes me sit there, wondering with annoyance, "Why am I wasting my time?" I may not be a woman, but I do like some build up and direction!
So, the moral of the story, I suppose, is that despite such a large pool to choose from, I've barely ever come away satisfied from such an engagement, despite hundreds of attempts with similar numbers of people. I don't have time for RP anymore... but I almost can't help but wonder if I subconsciously made myself not have time for it. Food for thought.