It hurts me to say that it's not looking good for my mother. She's been getting gradually worse, the doctors say if the infection doesn't clear up within the next couple days there would be no chance of her recovering. It's the worst case scenario when it comes down to the famil deciding to keep her alive or to pull the plug, it's every husband/childs/sibling/next of kin ect.'s worst nightmare. Or at least that's my look on it. I do thank all of you that sent your concerns and well wishes, the support makes it a bit easier. But still losing your mother is hard.
It's the only time in my life i've seen my father cry, if i had to pick one person in my life to call a "Man: it'd be him. Not because of his stature or anything. It's because he's a real man and father, taken responsibility learning and moving past his mistakes, no giving up when things got hard, being there for us when we needed him, i couldn't ask for a better father or mother. I'm lucky to have some of the most wonderfull parents in the world. I don't remember anytime my parents have ever let me down, allthough I haven't been the best son in the world. Guess reality finally started to hit me. But there's no use hating myself over what i could've done. They knew i loved them and i know they love me, that's all i can ask for.
It's just hard seeing the one that gave you life losing there own. Makes you really think, life is such fleeting thing. Makes me want to stop sitting in my room and wastin my life. Of course that'll have to wait untill the dust clears from all this. After all is set an done I'm going to start doing something with myself, stop waisting time stop procrastinating, be a better person, i know she'd want that. I know i'm trying to be strong, but sometimes it's okay to cry, it's okay to let your feelings out when it's someone you hold dear to your heart.
I remember the time she bribed me with video games to get me to take my shots, I remember the time she called me an idiot for letting the dogs out while they were bringing in groceries hehehe. I remember she used to get me to eat my veggies by making me take them like pills ^w^ I remember the time she cut her hair short and dyed it bleach blonde. I remember not being able to sleep in my room untill i was 14. My mom and dad were always there. Something go wrong they'd be right there and i wasn't exactly the easiest child to bring up being an emotional little rollcoaster that i was in school.
The least i can do is see her the most i possibly can with the time she has left. Right now she's on life support, it's hard seeing your mother hooked up to machines to keep her alive. I hope my kids if i'm ever blessed with them never have to see me like that.
Sorry i'm rambling now, i can't possibly type all the thoughts running through my head. But.... if there is a heaven least it's a guarentee she's goin there.
5 years, 10 months ago
25 Oct 2012 11:43 CEST