. After 4 years that he's been my best friend both online and offline.
We used to be so close. We used to talk for hours and hours every day. I tried to cheer him up about his moods and make him feel better about himself whenever I could, but I also respected when he didn't feel like communicating with anyone. I helped him against people that he felt threatened by, and I also often acted as his authorized intermediary when he couldn't bring himself to say and do things on his own. I consoled him when he felt backstabbed by people, I helped him when somebody tried to blackmail him IRL, and I often tried to make him happy by sending him things that he wanted.
Now, all that changed around late last year when I started talking to him differently about his moods. I told him that I'd seen how he'd unfairly judged people because of his moods, perceiving them as malicious and being out to get him, and by then I'd seen many misunderstandings that had come about due to his moods. I told him I'd also noted how his moods influenced his memory, as such that when in his moods, he'd remember himself and others having said and done totally different things during past events. All that totally different from when not in his moods.
It...didn't seem to work out well. He never said anything about it, but suddenly he seemed to try setting new records of how many weeks passed between our talks. And he also fell mostly quiet during his streams as well. His moods regarding people seemed to grow in length, as if he was falling into a constant depression. I also felt kinda frustrated because he didn't even respond anymore to me greeting or hugging him, telling him how happy I was to see him, and sending him the things he wanted.
About a week ago, I told him in one of his streams about the plot of a movie I'd seen, telling him because it was so much like a lot of his art. I remember a time when he would've responded by excitedly trying to come up with even weirder movies he'd seen. But he only responded with "ew" (pretty much the only thing he said during that stream), so I left it at that one sentence.
After that stream was over, he made a furious journal wherein he threatened "anyone boasting about owning and consuming CP again" on his stream like in his last one with permanent ban. Knowing I'd been pretty much the only one who'd been talking during that stream, I responded by saying I'd only been quoting a movie plot and gave him the name of the movie. He said he didn't care and kept threatening with ban, acting as if he'd tried to find a reason to ban me for a long time.
It kinda escalated from there. He started blaming me for pretty much everything that went wrong in his life. I responded that this was like all those times I'd talked about to him, where he'd been blaming the very same things on other people due to his moods, and that all the qualities he was damning in me now as making me an intolerable person (such as my scholarly interests) were such that he himself was valuing in himself and talking to me about a lot when he was not in one of his moods.
I guess I sounded kinda harsh because I'd been feeling more and more frustrated due to always giving and keep trying to give him so much, and not even getting back any hugs or thank you from him anymore. I kept bringing up all the things I'd done for him over the years and tried to let him know that I was willing to keep doing them because I wanted to stay friends. But he somehow just took it all as patronizing insults of how he was "dependent" on me or something.
Meanwhile, other people were starting to post in that journal of his. Some were telling Looq that he was kinda overreacting. But most were calling me some random drive-by troll on Looq that was acting foul by "dragging your past history with him out into the open", as if I was badmouthing him. I responded to them with more proof of how close friends we'd always been and all the things I'd done for him (which they called more badmouthing and indiscretions), and because it was affecting our entire exchange on this journal, I literally quoted to them what others of his closest friends had publically said about his moods on others of his journals, how they affected his behavior and how he saw people.
I thought that was alright because others of his friends had often done that publically and he'd never had any problems with that. However, he took that as "questioning his sanity" and insulting him even more, and banned me. First from the ability of ever talking to him here on IB or commenting here, then also from his Livestreams after I'd dared hugging him there and tried to apologize for our harsh talk on his IB journal.
I'm still on his streams as invisible (as that's the result of a "ban" on Livestream), just to be close to him. I miss him. I miss him so much.