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Burning Bridges

Right now I'm mostly trying to get all of my thoughts together and remember everything I was thinking of last night.  I know either way I'll probably forget something and remember it later after this has been posted.  For starters I know I've told a few people on this, but especially since I only work those short closing shifts at Target anymore it's a simple thing where I just pick up after the person before me and straighten the department, that is it.  So usually my mind will tend to wander and think on a lot of things.  Because lets face it doing that there doesn't require much thinking compared to when I work over at Petco.  Well last night at Target wasn't any different.  Especially because I was tired as usual from already working at Petco earlier that day.

One thing though that I've known for a while now and haven't really taken the time to try and work on, but I'm just tired or arguing with people and putting up with their crap.  That and dealing with people that may not necessarily be friends and some that may call me friend.  I've let some of my friends know recently just how much crap I deal with from people I know.  Because I don't want to tell them the truth on something because they either won't listen one way or another or just simply because they will pitch a fit with me because they don't believe me and can't handle the truth.  One example is from a friend that I told needs to stop acting like a child, complaining about everything and then getting snippy when someone isn't all bouncy and into what they are.  It came down to them saying that everyone in PA are assholes and they don't like him because he's not from PA and that he doesn't care what people think of him.  After that they said they didn't want all of this to turn into a fight, but I just told them it was a little late for that since they told me how they felt on everything.  They have an issue with me either way since I'm from PA and I have problems with something he doesn't and he doesn't want to try changing it.  Another I came to and finally said something to because they're letting their popularity they began to gain in the fandom get to them, they started falling into a bad crowd and they were a complete ass to my one friend.  They refused to understand them and the problems they've gone through, past relationships and such, and would shut down or get mad when it came up.  In the end they broke up, a good bit of it was not wanting to deal with the distance even though it wasn't that much, and he ended up getting with someone that was local with them.  When I finally spoke up to them about all of this instead of trying to solve the situation or even admitting to a miniscule bit of it they simply shut down, blocked it out and is just ignoring it.

So if I have to burn a few bridges with some people then so be it.  Like I said I'm just tired of constantly putting up with some of these people when it's not worth it and it just keeps adding crap to me.  I've said it about myself time and time again, I have my own problems and I'm not perfect.  I can be an ass at times and not think before I act out and plenty of other things.  I know I'm not even always the best friend at times either.  But if something like this comes up I'm at least willing to talk about it if I can and if they're actually going to talk about it and not flip out or something and not even listen to my side.

Another thing, which I know I've been dealing with for a while on several different things, is I'm just tired of being angry and bitter so much.  I know a lot of it either stems from crap with work or from what I see in this fandom.  Along with having to work mornings so much at Petco now, me not sleeping well or letting myself sleep just kind of adds to it as well.  A lot of it is just a matter of not paying attention and ignoring some things.  Like for example when I see a certain suiter that's popular or something.  Most other people see the suit or this or that.  With me, when I find out about it, all I see is someone that's gained popularity for pulling their dick out of their suit and playing with it.  But that somehow makes them better than others that suit to just have fun or make people happy.  It honestly just makes me sick, but some things like that you just can't really change.  Especially with how people tend to be in this fandom.

One thing though that's cropped up lately though, which I'm not surprised with at all from where it's coming from, that needs to be cleared up though.  A few years back I was part of a group/site called watchyourstep.  I don't really remember the point of the group anymore, other than to bitch about some people, but in the end it turned into, "this person is doing this lets harass them".  I was part of it for the duration, but at the same time had minimal involvement for the most part.  The main involvement I had and the only real good that came from it was when Allan decided to try playing nice and everyone got him to pay the people back he got money from because he was broke and essentially living in a hotel or to pay rent when he was living with someone else.  But as I said that whole group has been drug up lately, apparently by me when as I said I haven't even said anything on all of it.  If I have then show me where and I'll admit that I'm wrong.  One of the worst things the group did was go after and continuously harass someone named Sniff.  Which all started up because they didn't feel right or like the fact that people were trying to work with Allan and such.  Though when someone tried to talk him down about it things just escalated and got much worse.  I stepped away from the situation myself because I had talked to him and was kind of friends with him.  So I tried my best to talk him down and tell him to just ignore everyone and what they were saying and doing and it would die off or stop completely.  In the end things just got worse and worse until he was eventually driven away.  I know some of the people that are still bitter and upset about a lot of it, which I don't blame them to a degree, say that I was one of the people that would harass Sniff and such.  As I said before if I did then show me proof that I did and I'll admit that I was wrong.  Because even discussing this with other people that know about the whole situation say that I helped him and don't have any idea what they are talking about.  Though this whole part here is kind of a mixed response.  For one thing, and I know two people at least that don't care and won't listen about this either way, but he started this recent crap with me.  Starting it with me on a commission of mine on FA, then AIM, then IB, then Youtube and making threats to me on Youtube as well isn't me starting it with someone.  And I'm done trying to argue that point when someone refuses to see it.  The other part would be me apologizing for anyone involved in the whole WYS crap.  Because I know a lot of what most of the people did in that group was go around and harass people because of one reason or another and it was wrong.  And all it did was make a lot of people miserable.  I'm sorry for what they did to people like Sniff in making their life a living hell by causing them problem after problem.  It's something I regret being involved in and should have stepped out of not long after getting into it.  But at this point all these years later it's more or less a learning experience and just make sure I don't do something like that again.  I know this will stir up some problems either way with some people, saying I'm spewing bullshit or whatever or just not believing me in general, but they can think what they think.  The whole WYS fiasco is behind me and I don't even think about it anymore because of what it was about and what happened with it.

But I felt better though discussing most of this with some people last night and have been in a better mood overall because of it.  Either way once this is posted I'm taking off for the weekend.  I have a three day off of work to relax, catch up on sleep and have some fun.  Along with hopefully trying to draw a bit for a change and going to Dourny Park on Saturday.  So I'm off.  Time to destress a bit more.
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