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Artzilla60

Bruces' Philosophy song  complete transcript

This is from the Live at the City Center album...

Eric Idle:Good evening, Ladies and Bruces.
Michael Palin: How are you all?
Idle: Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, and myself have come to sing you a little song about our line of work. We're all from God's own country. Australia, land of sunshine and sharks. And we all work in the philosophy department of the University of Woolamaloo. And we'd like to sing you...
Idle (to Palin): Thank you very much indeed, Bruce.
Palin: And you, too, Bruce. I think we have some old Woolomolooians in tonight.
Idle: I think they're all here, Bruce.
Palin: Have you got some Foster's in the eskie for 'em there, Bruce? Lovely. Hand it out. Plenty more where that came from.
Idle: See, if you're nice to us, you get beer. We'd like to sing you a little song now, goes something like this...

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And René Descartes was a drunken fart
'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed

(Congrats all around)
Idle: Since that went so well, I think we'll do it again.
Terry Jones: Why don't you ask all the Bruces and Sheilas out there to join in?
Palin: Well, that's fine, but they don't know the words, do they Bruce?
Jones: How are we going to do this?
Palin: You have something in your sweaty pocket here, Bruce...Jesus Christ! It's got something written on it. (Holds up a small piece of paper to the audience)
Idle: Right, now we're all going to sing along now.
Palin: Sing along.
Idle: On the tune..

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant who was very...

Idle: It's not going too well there, Bruce.
Palin: I seem to spot a certain lack of alacrity there, Bruce.
Idle: I think this smart, suave New York audience is not joining us in here, Bruce. Look, we're going to try it once more and anybody not singing will have a bottle of Foster's lobbed at their heads! Right, Bruce, bring in the words! (bigger words are brought on stage- unintelligible Bruce chatter) Idle: No, there's no excuse. Are you ready? Put some guts into it. Come on now...
(slower and with the audience)

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
Plato, they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And René Descartes was a drunken fart
'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed

Idle: Well done..
Viewed: 25 times
Added: 6 years, 1 month ago
 
SkyeEldrich
6 years, 1 month ago
I have a live version of the song which includes one of my favorite jokes ever.  "Your American beer is like making love in a canoe."  "What do you mean by that?"  "It's f***ing close to water!"
Artzilla60
6 years, 1 month ago
Love it, Lo-o-ove it! that is also a favorite joke for me!  
the first beer I ever drank was brand called Busch... "come to the mountains... the mountains of Busch"...  as the advertisement went and it was so awful I was never able to acquire a taste for beer.  
otakuman
6 years ago
There's a new guy named Bruce at my work, and I kept thinking of MPFC's "Bruce" sketch. :D
Artzilla60
6 years ago
Otakuman! Hey, It's great to hear from you! How have you been? Our Theater Company is doing the Three Musketeers and I've been thinking of you and SirStefan.
LMAO how do you keep from bursting into that sketch!
Artzilla60
6 years ago
seriously, I wouldn't be able to stop myself!
otakuman
6 years ago
I've come close to saying, "G'day, Bruce!" :D

The sketch I'm thinking of is where they are all professors or something at an Australian college, and a new guy named Michael comes in "Well, that's going to cause some confusion, do you mind if we just call you Bruce?"
Artzilla60
6 years ago
Oh Yeah, I remember that one now! It's a hoot! :D
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