So… This journal is really long overdue. I’m not even sure where I should begin. I guess I’ll just start at the beginning.
Skylar and I have been together for a little more than three years now. I thought that we were a very happy male/male couple. Nothing could tear us apart. Skylar told me he liked to act a bit girly and there was no problem with that. When we got together I told Skylar that as long as he could be a boy in the bedroom for me that I had absolutely no problems with it and he could act as girly as he wanted. As I’m very sure most of you have figured out by now; I’m gay. 100% gay. Not bi, not straight, but completely gay. Not even a little bit curious about the opposite sex. Female parts just don’t do it for me. I’m not really attracted to female anatomy at all.
I wanted a boy to be with and I was pretty clear on that when we first got together. We had what I thought were a great almost two years together as that male/male couple.
Then one night about 17 months ago I had a dream. In this dream Skylar told me that he wanted to be a female. Not just act like one but to be one. I talked with Skylar the next day about it, and by talked I mean broke down crying when telling him about it. He assured me that that wasn’t the case and that I had nothing to worry about.
About a week later Skylar wanted to talk. He told me that he really did want to be a female and that he had wanted to be a female since he was a very young child. I asked about what he had said only the previous week and that he had told me that that wasn’t the case and that I didn’t have to worry about it. He said he was scared to tell me and that he was afraid I would leave him.
I was devastated. For a little while we didn’t know what was going to happen to us. We didn’t know if we were going to make it through the night as a couple. I couldn’t help but feel that deep down inside I had done this to myself. I thought that somehow bringing this up had started all of this in motion and that everything that was happening was entirely my fault. I begged and pleaded tearfully with him to just be joking and to tell me that it wasn’t true. Unfortunately, nothing was going to change and no matter how hard we cried together about our future and what was to become of us as a couple, Skylar still wanted to be female, even if that meant us going our separate ways.
For those of you who followed and watched us from the beginning you know that Skylar and I share a very special bond. When we first met each other it was love at first sight for both of us. We both knew that we were meant for each other and that everything, no matter what it was, would work out in the end. We felt like we could take on anything. For a good while that was true. This, however, turned out to be a doozy.
After a very long time talking and tears pouring down both of our faces we decided to roll the dice and see where it took us instead of just ending everything that night. We started doing research. Research into what this actually meant for us. We looked into all of the different things that go into being a male to female transgendered person. We learned that hormone replacement therapy would be required and that Skylar would have to live as a female for at least a year before anything else could progress.
We have had to go slow. I refused to do this without being involved in every single step. 14 months ago I pushed Skylar to go to the doctor and got him on female hormones. Even though I knew I wasn’t attracted to female anatomy.
It has been extremely hard for me to watch Skylar’s body change. Growing breasts, losing muscle mass… I’m sure there are many more changes to come. Skylar wants to go all the way with this. That means chopping off his penis and removing his testicles in real life. These are things that once done cannot ever be undone.
Once SHE has saved up enough money to have it done it will be done. We still aren’t sure what life has in store for us and if we’ll even make it all the way. It takes a huge amount of cash to get something like this done. We’re looking at around 30 thousand dollars for just the sex reassignment surgery. That's not counting anything else like the electrolysis that has to come first. Any kind of needed medications. Changing over birth certificates and name changes and everything else that goes into this. But if is it going to be done, I refuse to let HER half ass it. If it is going to be done, it will be done right.
I love Skylar with all my heart and with every single fiber of my being. I have stayed with HER and supported HER through all of it and I will continue to do so, even if that means the end of our sex life.
Unfortunately, those of you who watch us for the gay sex will be in for a big disappointment. I am sorry to say that any male/male pictures of us will probably be few and far in between from this point on. The gallery will stay the way it is. I won’t be taking anything down. Those pictures are a part of us and they make up a very good portion of our lives together. There are a few artists that I still want to commission as male/male but those will be the last of those for a while. You can expect to start seeing some pictures of Skylar and myself as a male/female couple to reflect the changes that are happening in our lives.
Things certainly haven’t been easy for us. There have been quite a few times where we have been depressed and feeling lost and just unsure how to go on with our daily lives and what to do with them. We have had quite a few bumps and bruises along the way. I will say though, that if we didn’t share the kind of bond that we do, that this whole thing would have torn us apart a long time ago.
This is by no means for the faint of heart.
6 years, 7 months ago
31 Jul 2012 02:18 CEST