Welcome to Inkbunny...
Allowed ratings
To view member-only content, create an account. ( Hide )

Where assuming things gets you.

I've been in a really bad spot emotionally lately. A complete wreck actually. Before I get into the latest, I'll go ahead and fill everyone in on what's been happening.

I have this friend, a really really close friend, who's also been in a bad spot emotionally. Before all of this, he was making a rather long drive down to my place nearly every month, and each time, we've shared special memories I'll never forget. I still don't think he fully understands how happy I get when he shows up.

The very first time he came to visit me, we went off to grab some food for the weekend, and while we were out, his mate at the time had dumped him, and not even bothering to tell him directly. I got the impression this guy was a real scumbag, and taking advantage of him, so good riddance.

Somewhere along the line, he got the impression that I wanted to be his mate. I'm not sure when or how long he's been getting this impression. I can't say I haven't thought about it, but it still wasn't something I was ready to pursue, and it seems it was something he was afraid of, given his last experience.

So just the other day is when the shit hit the fan. Apparently he was already upset over something else I still don't know about when I asked him when he might be coming for another visit. He replied simply that he was slowly phasing the fandom out of his life. This came a bit more sudden to me than he probably realized, and hit me harder still.

My inquiries were only met with more mystery, and I was starting to panic, thinking I was losing an invaluable friendship I wasn't prepared to even think about losing. What I didn't know, is because of whatever it is that happened this past week, he was even more afraid of me wanting a relationship with him than he was before.

From here, it was a chain of events where we both had a completely different idea about what was going on, and these misconceptions became woven into a perfect pattern that you only ever see in movies, where one misconception leads to another and it just keeps getting messier, simply because the real issue, a rather simple one, wasn't being communicated.

Before long, one misconception leads to another, eventually leading me to unknowingly reinforce his fears, which caused him to unknowingly reinforce my fears, causing me to send frantic messages that both upset him, and reinforced his fears even more. He stopped responding, and things got even worse.

As of now, things still haven't been resolved, but we've both had a long conversation with a mutual friend recently who eventually started to clear things up. I hate that we've both been hurting over this for so long, but I do feel quite a bit better now that I have a better idea of what's been going on here. I guess it's only a matter of time now before we finally get to the meat of the problem.
Viewed: 32 times
Added: 6 years, 12 months ago
6 years, 12 months ago
Glad you're working through it :)
6 years, 12 months ago
as a slightly funny quote I saw in a book, 'assuming makes an ass out of you and me'
6 years, 12 months ago
Couldn't be more true. I've been telling people in these kinds of situations not to assume anything for awhile now. Should have taken my own advice.
6 years, 12 months ago
Im glad to hear your working through it. It's never easy to lose a dear friend. Ive got a few friends whom Ive never met only know them online for the past atleast 8 years and I dont know what Id do if I lost them
6 years, 12 months ago
Thanks. You always know you're going to lose someone you call a friend at some point or another, and there's no real way to prepare for that.
6 years, 12 months ago
Your welcome and that is very very true. We all eventually move apart start a family and make new friends. The only way I could see always having a friend your entire life is if you were to have grown up together since birth went to the same school lived in the same neghborhood etc
New Comment:
Move reply box to top
Log in or create an account to comment.