Not gonna lie because I took on so much comms trying to keep me and angel afloat… we just don’t have enough to really stay here…. Jobs in Texas are increasing harder to get into…. I don’t know why it’s more harder now to secure a job then before…
Now it’s getting worst really…. We don’t have much we can do besides keep looking for jobs… just getting denied every place we visit or it’s too far and no proper transportation to get there…. Then we need food to sustain ourselves for the week… then homeless shelters have people waiting on a list… if they don’t make it on the list they gotta sleep outside, this was confirmed from a friend who just lost they place and had to relocate to a near by shelter close to downtown Dallas…
We pay 347.64 each week to this place… close to 80 dollars for food and household items, TP, trash bags, etc. if we had a part time job somewhere this would be easier… but right now it’s hard as nails trying to update 40+ people waiting for art, while me and Angel struggle and waddle to each job site asking and filling out jobs only for us to wait a week or 2 only to get denied or passed up… when most these jobs we trying to get with so we can stay afloat… just accepts a few people, lose them within the week or month then it’s all repeated shit… where can we work safely and keep our home…
We don’t want to lose our place… we don’t want to lose this little place we established, worked so hard on trying to keep… I wish things get better…. Sometime soon please…
Every week we endure… I feel I can’t really work how I want to… I feel like I’m losing myself and this battle… eventually…. Because I just know so…. We won’t be able to keep this place…
All we do at lease me… asking people for cash to help keep this place afloat while I’m trying to slog through my personal work, commission work, catching up with jobs, going out damn near a good 3 to 5 days and out for majority of the day because either it’s just too much we gotta do and not enough time to plan….
I feel I’m sorry… pretty fucking worthless in this shit… I have a woman besides me… trying to survive just as much as I am… she’s worried sick… I’m worried sick… we are scared for our future… our safety… we work… do what we can… try to interact with people, we do so much to live… but we get so little in return, not really asking or wanting it… we just are modest individuals who just want to live in peace…. Work hard… come back home and plan out our time together… I want to have a future…. I want to draw everyday without having to worry when I gotta ask someone for help because we won’t never have enough to live where we are…
We tried looking at other places…. We tried relocating to other areas, jobs, and other establishments that could help aid us… we been at this for close to 8 months… nothing fell though… I feel my life could really just go at any moment… Angel’s too… I don’t want to leave anyone behind… I don’t want to give up what I have….
There is nothing more we can do…. I’ll just be trying to mend my worried mind so I can try to work efficiently… that’s my whole reason why I can’t finish my work… because of my stress… how much I worry on a daily to weekly basis… Angel is helping where she can to… but because we both suffer from I guess…. Lack of social skills to get a job apparently… because we haven’t landed a job in close to these 8 months… there is nothing we can do besides…
-Fill out a application
-call or visit the job asking about the application
-asking to wait 4 days to a week for processing leading into another week of us paying 347
-having to ask family and friends for help with nothing being returned and us being overwhelmed.
-getting to the job and either we need to wait more… or we didn’t get the job…
-me having a major ADD/ADHD breakdown because I don’t have any solutions to these problems…
-worry…
I’m sorry for bothering you all… I feel like I’m wasting time living if this is how the end result will always be… especially in these… RESENT times…. People getting sick…. People suffering through hate… misunderstandings… dealing with my depression, Angel dealing with her PTSD…. Seizures…. We need help…
Sadly…. We are getting to the point… where we are afraid of speaking up…
No one will be able to really help us in a world like this right now… it’s all going to just go up in smoke…. I believe in hope… but sadly I even know when it’s time to just notice when then end point is…
I don’t have many close friends… I don’t have anyone to talk to besides Angel… and I don’t want her to be worried because I’m worried…. This happens a lot already… I’m tired of living like this… if this is how my life is going to be for the both of us… then I’ll try to protect us as much we can with no help…. No home… no services… just gonna try to live based on what we know… because the world right now is… cruel…
Until I feel better I’ll post when that happens.. but right now I’m not okay… I’m not doing well… we are scared and afraid to ask for proper help because no one knows us… no one knows how much we struggle… no one knows… and because of that reason sadly unless it happens to one of anyone else… then trying to tell everyone what goes on is really all we can do… and hope and pray some form of help either it be new opportunities or survivablility tips or even straight up cash to help pay rent….
I just feel like a dumb ass individual who spent way too much time trying to learn how to live… I made mistakes that made things mentally bad for myself and even my management skills need a bunch of work…
….
Until next time I hope… I don’t want to be hurt nor does Angel…
I’ll do what I can to keep posting how I am through these journals… fuck off if you think what we are going through isn’t right… that’s why people are depressed worried now… because they can’t speak up… don’t force your experiences on others thinking they can do it too…. Because one’s experience isn’t the same because no two people experience the same at the same time… only if they take the journey in one body together then yeah… but this isn’t fiction… this is real life…
Please… wish us luck…. Pray for us… hope for our safety….
Thanks for understanding if you did… if not then please ask questions…
Thank you…
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1 year, 4 months ago
27 Nov 2022 04:30 CET
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