ignore... venting.....

by yiharbin

whats wrong with me.. why can I do no right and nothing just.... just... stay okay........
something always goes wrong, and its always my fault....... I have cried so hard that I puked..... 3 times tonight... within the last.... hour and a half......
was already having a bad day.... bad few days........and.. and... now...... my mate....jerry.... he... I.. I think he hates me..... I... I keep fucking everything up.....

everything is my fucking fault... everything......
why...... am I.. just..... a bad person? Is this.... punishment...?
I have always been nice to people.... I try to be there for people that need me and help out people that are in need.......... I dont try in hopes of some reward.. I try because I know people just neeed someone once in a awhile that will not judge them and will listen with an open mind and open heart...... I have tried my best to be there for people..................
am I... am I being punished for being nice???
..............

sometimes I just want to fucking die....... you know?
gotta pull your shit together and hold you chin up sometimes....but.... I... I hate crying myself to sleep..... hate pushing forward, trying to be stronger than I am......I.... I need people... that... that are there for me and dont make me cry my brains out.... or doesnt induce a panic attack.....
...............................

idk.... just venting........ ignore........

Viewed:	16 times
Added:	11 years, 9 months ago 18 Jul 2012 05:51 CEST

8 Comments on this Journal

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PURRfect93

11 years, 9 months ago

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you know the fact you said ignore means im guna pay all the more attention right? -hugs close-

yiharbin

11 years, 9 months ago

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@ PURRfect93

>.<

PURRfect93

11 years, 9 months ago

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@ yiharbin

so no getn away :D -hugs tighter-

yiharbin

11 years, 9 months ago

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@ PURRfect93

*hugs back softly*

nehmyncolad

11 years, 9 months ago

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I'm not someone to rely on. The best I can do is reading your journals as I can't really help or giving you good advice. My symphaty worth nothing to none as I grow cynic and uncaring a long time ago.
I'm not telling I understand you or your situation, but also had my own sad experiences. As long as I'm here (on Inkbunny) I will read all of your journals. And I'm not telling you to be happy, just try to come over your problems. Sometimes only trying is good enough. It will leave scars but try to live best... for what? I don't know, but living is instict, and maybe a good one.
About the 'punishment' thing, 'punishment' doesn't exist. The very world is unreasonable. "Shit happens." I think bad things happens far easier and greater in number than good ones. It must be the work of nature, don't really know. So if you messed up something try to figure out a way how to fix it. If you can't try harder. I'm sure you won't ever find any... but you just can't give up.

I bet you know, sensitive people hurts a lot. Just can wish you better luck, hope some will reach you!

quickninja12

11 years, 9 months ago

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even if those in your life choose not to help you in your time of need, you still have the entire community here, everyone listens, everyone cares.

you are not alone <3

yiharbin

11 years, 9 months ago

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@ quickninja12

heh... part of why I refuse to leave FA, no matter how bad the admins get......

thanks man

quickninja12

11 years, 9 months ago

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@ yiharbin

*hugs* glad to help

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