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Disappointed, sad, and annoyed

I am. I'm really disappointed. In myself, I guess, more than anything else. I call myself a writer, but...

Well, you guys watching me know what my gallery is like. Porn piece after porn piece, nearly all of it written on commission. Does it say something that so many people have wanted me to write a story for them rather than go to an artist and get something commissioned from them instead? I suppose, and that is a small bit of comfort.

But what have I accomplished over two years of writing porn stories for people to enjoy? I mean, I've gathered a few fans – at least, I hope there are still a few of you guys left reading this, and that the numbers in my watchlist aren't just a huge lie – but really, what have I accomplished? Looking over the writing I've done over the last two years, I can't see any improvement over what I used to do, or if there is anything, it is very miniscule. It is just the same stuff, over and over and over again, cum and dick and ass and cum and dick and ass and – oh look, a pussy – and back to dick and ass and cum and mouth and mouth and mouth and GAH!

It's right there on my profile. I wanted to have a novel out there. I wanted to be published. I said that I would be working on a novel as well as commissions, but in two whole years, what do I have to show? Not even a real rough draft, not in whole or in pieces. Nothing more than a few sets of notes from which I might be able to craft something semi-interesting. It's pathetic in comparison to what I was hoping for, or even what I expected. It's....disappointing. As an author, I should have a better word for it, but I don't. I'll have to think on it for a while.

I've always told myself that I would start on a real story when I finished up this or that bunch of commissions. It didn't matter whether it was furry or more 'mainstream', just something that was good enough for me to get to publish it. It's obvious whether I actually did it – spoiler, I didn't – because I could never actually run out of commissions. I could never actually say no to getting more, because there was no way that I could turn them down. I needed the money, and so does my family.

Well, my family is out of the woods now, and while I'm still unemployed, I can't just keep working at commissions like this forever. No matter what I do with them, there's little that I can use them for to get better at writing. I need to do more than just dicks, ass, cock, mouth, cum, or whatever writing skill that I have left will die of boredom.

For those of you that have commissioned me – and I mean the ones that pay in advance, few as you are – your stories will still get done as fast as I can do them. Those of you that have done the wheel of fetish with me, I'll see what I can do to make sure that you never wasted your money. Everyone else...

Everyone else. Well, I don't know what to tell you. I know that you guys have asked for a story, and I told you guys that I'd try to do it. I still will. But where commissions have been the first priority before, they're going to start gradually sliding over to the back-burner, to second and third and perhaps fourth priority as other things come up. I hate to leave people that have watched me for so long and others that have commissioned me in the lurch, waiting for things that they hoped would come, but I just can't keep up with what I have done before. I can't just keep churning out the stuff that some of you like and want to see. It's burning me out and at times it's making me pull my hair out of my head.

Yes, a scaly creature without hair is pulling its hair free. It works if you don't think about it.

Stories will still be posted here, and gods willing they will be better than what I have posted before, showing that I've learned something in how to make them better. But commissions will be slower and less frequent for a while. Again, everyone who is waiting for one, I apologize, but I have to do this, or I'll be stuck in the same place I've been in for the last two years.

Hope you all can understand.

And if anyone posts tl;dr, I will find a way to make your screen page blow up. Somehow.
Viewed: 14 times
Added: 6 years, 11 months ago
6 years, 11 months ago
I read something along similar lines from another writer a while back, after thinking it through for a while they closed commissions to write for themselves until they got to where they wanted. I'm not saying that would work for you to write a novel (that would obviously take a long time) but maybe, once this current batch of commissions are done, just have a break?
6 years, 11 months ago
Browsing the first lines: I can probably guess/have lived what the rest is.

1. Imagine and let it take you wherever it may go. Do not apologize for what you make.

2. Do not make, or do not stop crafting what YOU want, simply to "maintain face/seem like a "real" writer/or otherwise some unspoken obligation to finish anything.

3. Daydreaming = practice

4. Writing = practice

5 It's OKAY to write ANYTHING.

6. FUCK UP YOUR STORIES, AS YOU WANT THEM TO BE, and simply have varied universes of the same story world

6. a.  You can always have cannon/core World, The ideas you are trying to conceptualize and convey; The integrity of your work

6b. If your mind is trying to twist it to perversion constantly: Jerk off. Write Porn versions of it. THAT'S OKAY. then get back to what you were also enjoying.

6c. Don't corrupt prime works because people want you to. It's okay to write "sideverses"

7. You never need apologize for writing. People should be kissing your ass for keeping alive what so many fucktards are unwilling to do: Read, Write, and Think.

8. Don't ever feel bad using a thesaurus; Learning/writing/reading is MEANT to be educational in some form or another. Even the porn (just reading period). So should you find yourself needing to learn about something to write it: FUCKING AWESOME. Isn't self-improvement an amazing thing?

9. There are no bad stories: There are many, wonderful practice attempts ;]

10. Everyone else: FUCKING COMMENT ON SHIT IN DETAIL. One word bullshit won't help a writer get better.  No, "he" isn't looking for lavish devotion. Just keep a running notepad/comment window open with which to comment AS YOU READ on things you like. Was there a joke you thought interesting?

Imagine a comedian having a career, but never performing live.  Never HEARING "wow, that's fucking hilarious" or guffaws/chuckles/ and yes, silence.

HOWEVER, Silence to the Writing Artist is usually just because people are fucking lazy. If you appreciate a writer's story in the least, you will give him that crowd cheer, via comments, so he will know and build confidence in his writing, improve on things not working, and continue a story you like.

Keep on Jerkin, Keep on Writin, Keep on keepin on.

6 years, 11 months ago
Allow me to say, wow. Thank you very, very much for that.
6 years, 8 months ago
So, two months later,

did this help? :o
6 years, 8 months ago
Actually, yes. It did. Thank you.
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