I have been though a lot, feels like I was in a war of my own.
I don’t really know how I’m able to get up each day and continue pressing forward with all that’s happened.
As you may know previously on my life which feels like it’s becoming a cheesy sitcom at this point, what a joke.
I found love that was blinding me, perhaps looking back now maybe I was just trying to fill a void in my life, a giant one, one left by the passing of my mother grandfather and aunt back in October.
I don’t even try to think about them doing so just brings up so much. I can think of them and the good times don’t get me wrong but thinking of October just still hurts.
The girl I fell for really did pick me up and pull me out of a slump, out of pit I had fallen into one I had begun to drown in. She was wonderful I am saddened by our break up but it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as everything else plus she left me in a better state than she found me in which I appreciate. I am ashamed to say I may have used her as a seduo therapist. I’ve admitted that to her and apologized for it and I’ve actually found one of my own an actual professional to help me out some.
But enough of that it is in the past, best not to dwell.
My brother my last living relative, besides my grandmother and nephew is going through a lot right now he has been in and out of the ER so many times these past few weeks and I worry about him more than he realizes.
I think he’s going through a mid life crisis he’s having severe panic attacks that leave his Blood Pressure and Heart Rate skyrocketing too dangerous levels.
I hate that this is happening to him, but I’m certain he will get through this I’m trying to be there for him.
Despite my brother feeling awful and going through all this I have been trying to push through some days are harder than others but hey that’s life every day can’t be perfect, nothing is.
I’ve been working hard, getting in shape, searching for the one, I’ve even picked up writing and drawing again. Not saying I’m gonna be posting anything soon but hey it’s been a minute and I may try to would be nice.
I bought an exercise bike and an actual bicycle to facilitate my exercise goals they’re nice. Haven’t tried the bicycle yet hadn’t the time due to things with my brother that have been going on.
Over the past few months since December really I’ve been going through my mothers things giving away some, selling others, keeping precious things. I still live in the same place where I lost my mother and grandfather. I actually opted to move into my mothers old room even painted the walls myself a nice something blue color lowes calls it.
Things have been hard around the house actually, coincidently a friend of mine and my brothers was about to become homeless and we offered to let him stay in my old room. He’s a good guy and has been helping out a lot, don’t honestly know how we would have gotten by without him.
Oh yea something interesting I just wanna mention. I’m a huge fan of Pokémon and I finally achieved a goal I had of owning a Snorlax plush that’s taller and bigger than me and I freaking love it!
Anyway I just wanted to update you guys on my life.
I don’t know how but I’m doing okay, shockingly. I just hope things improve with my brother soon.
Also like I mentioned above I may post some actual art for once in the near future, so keep an eye out.
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1 year, 11 months ago
15 May 2022 10:55 CEST
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