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(Vent) Friend threatening to kill themselves

I try to keep my personal life off of here as much as I can. But at this point I just don’t know what to do anymore. Earlier this year a friend moved in with me, and now that I’m moving out they started threatening to kill themselves if I leave. I know it’s manipulative, and abusive, but it doesn’t matter. It gives me so much stress and fear and causes panic attacks. They refuse to get help, even hanging up on the hotline I called. I don’t know what to do anymore, I need help. The stress is so much I can barely work or do anything. I want my life back. I just want a clean exit more than anything. I don’t want to feel responsible for that. I know that it isn’t my choice, but I know I’ll still blame myself. I don’t know what to do anymore.

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Added:	2 years, 4 months ago 07 Dec 2021 03:10 CET

22 Comments on this Journal

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Nyxcha

2 years, 4 months ago

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Your life is your life. remember that

you are not responsible for the actions of others, and need only look for the well being of yourself.

its cruel to say, but sometimes u need to cut away cancerous or decaying skin to heal.

as for your friend, they scared, yes.  they don't want things to change or try something new, its outside their comfort zone.

but in the end, forcing them into that position might be whats best. otherwise they will never heal, and never improve.

best case scenario, you leaving will force them to adapt and take those steps they refusing to now

worst case scenario, just remember its not your fault. your biggest priority is whats best for yourself,  not to be a tool for someone else to cope with.

i know it sounds cruel, but believe me, its for the best.  the only way to heal (for both of you) is to remove the thorn preventing that.

none of us will judge you.  and all of us are here for you.   heck we here for your friend if they need someone to talk to.

JuliaNinetails

2 years, 4 months ago

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I have a sister that uses these types of tactics.

its best to just ignore it, as much as they might do it, its out of your control.

if you stay, nothing will be accomplished.

if they're doing this, it's in your best interest to try and talk them out of it (which you did try), and then move on.

gnagger

2 years, 4 months ago

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You can't be their punching bag forever, it's not worth living in misery because someone else MIGHT kill themselves. That said they could be serious, so it's probably worth contacting their family, and the authorities.
https://psychcentral.com/blog/wellness/2011/11/manipula...
this website has better advice than I can give. Ultimately, if they are serious, being beaten down by their demands may not be enough to save them. Next time they make a suicide threat, report it.

gnagger

2 years, 4 months ago

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@ gnagger

Did I mention the authorities? Contact the authorities, it's important to have these threats on record as many of them as possible.

ScubaCat

2 years, 4 months ago

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Yeah had an ex do the same to me if I threatened to leave her, thing is, she was bullshitting. You're not responsible for someone elses actions to themselves or their problems (Unless you happen to be a parent), just leave and if he's threatening suicide threaten to call an ambulance since someone suicidal is a medical emergency, odds are he's just bullshitting though :D Typical fucking narcissistic shit

ScubaCat

2 years, 4 months ago

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Edited 2 years, 4 months ago by Owner

@ ScubaCat

Also if he wont let you out the door contact the authorities and explain to them a mentally ill abusive little fuck wont let you rightfully leave with your possessions since keeping you anywhere against your will is also illegal

Coeal

2 years, 4 months ago

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@ ScubaCat

slow down a little.
if they are being a drama queen, then yeah, they are just an asshole.

but try not to demonize someone who has an actual mental illness.
some people whole worlds fall apart if a cornerstone is taken from them. and its not their fault

ScubaCat

2 years, 4 months ago

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@ Coeal

Yeah that may be so but its nobody elses responsibility, narcissistic or not, EVERYONE has to face reality at some point instead of expecting people like me to put up with abuse and sacrifice ourselves to make them feel more comfortable, we're all adults, unfortunately not all have the capacity to behave like one, accept responsibility like one and they do not, give, a, shit, what they put us through

Coeal

2 years, 4 months ago

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Edited 2 years, 4 months ago by Owner

as someone who has actually, legit, tried to kill themselves because someone left me. let me give you some advice.
1) take them seriously, but do NOT blame yourself.
2) seek out help. family, friends, even a phycologist. they, and likely you, need someone to talk to.
3) do what YOU have to do, and they will do the same.
4) most people that say it, are drama queens. do they have past history? any kind of self harm at all? take step 1-2 more seriously. if not, then they are playing up an act.

also, i agree with AnimatorCat. if things come to a head, do NOT feel ashamed of calling 911. suicidal thoughts are a medical emergency as they said. they will be collected and seen to by a pych. at that point, you can wash your hands completely of them. the phych will either deem them safe, at which point you know they are dramatizing, or they will be deemed unsafe. at which point they will be mandatorily held by the hospital for up to 72 hours for a "cooling off" period.

LadyDingus

2 years, 4 months ago

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@ Coeal

Agreed.

Clockiel

2 years, 4 months ago

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@ Coeal

I definitely agree with your fourth point. Because when I was a lot younger, I actually did that. Ugh. I feel really awful for it now. That I'd caused so much fear and pain to the people who cared about me. I don't even remember why I did it in the first place.

Vlentin

2 years, 4 months ago

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I had a friend who did that stuff, I tried reasoning and consoling them but they would not listen to anything. In the end I simply told them to fuck off (kindly) and they cried about it at the start but I was able to move on and be happy. They're perfectly fine now, because later on I learned that me doing that snapped them out of their bad habits and they sought help on their own.

TribalDragon

2 years, 4 months ago

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Not your fault, just tell police or security services what you're being told and then leave, not gonna be your problem anymore

Cubba

2 years, 4 months ago

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:<

KimaSaiyan

2 years, 4 months ago

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Honestly, it feels like they're abusing you and your goodwill. Do call police for a wellness check if needed, in many places it can give them quite a scare, since a false suicide threat might be taken as a false police report

DoomMaGeddon42

2 years, 4 months ago

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First of all, don't blame yourself. I know it's harder said than done, but why would you even blame yourself? It's not your decision, and you know they're extorting you. There's no reason why you'd blame yourself.

You should go to the police, and explain your situation. They should be able to make sure your "friend" stays on this world while you move away on your own.

MrAyeSir

2 years, 4 months ago

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This is not within your control. I know you really want to help, but you need to prioritize here. Think of it like when you're on a plane. What do they tell you about those breathing masks? Put on your own before helping others. This is the same situation. You need to think about your own mental health and distance yourself. If they're bluffing, fine. If they're not, well, that's bad. But it's not something you have control over. If you stay in this situation it might have severe concequences for your own health. There is NO need for you to blame yourself. It is ALWAYS ok to step back and take a breather.

Just like it's ok to take your hand of a hot stove because it hurts. It's fine. There's nothing you can do if they don't want to accept any help.

Take a step back, distance yourself from this.

I hope you stay healthy and I want you to know that even though we're strangers, I really love your work.
You seem like a nice person. I'd hate if this dragged you down any further.

It's fine if you walk away. More than anything, keep an eye on how you're doing. Helping others comes after that, when you've made sure you're fine, stable, and safe.

komodogod1

2 years, 4 months ago

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I dont know any personal experience in this field but what everyone else is saying about notifying the right people like family or the authorities is definitely the right move to make, you cant let your friend control you like that, because just what kind of friend does that to you anyways. They have to realize that if they are really your friend, then they need to not pull a stunt like that to keep you around if your not happy with where you currently are right now.

Clockiel

2 years, 4 months ago

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Its not a good situation, to be sure. But you are not responsible for your friend's emotions or their actions. And it sounds like this whole thing will keep getting worse the longer it goes on.

You're a very caring person, so it's going to really hurt to do what you know you have to do. But you have to do it. If you think explaining to them that you do care, and that you still want to be friends but still have to move out will help, that's an option. But if not, or it doesn't work... you still need to leave.

I really wish I had some better advice for you, this all sounds so generic. But it's the only way.

Dragonlady

2 years, 4 months ago

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I had that happen to me. I went through that cycle of saying I was leaving then them saying they were going to kill themselves if I did many times over about 4 years . Eventually I had enough and just left and never talked to them again. I left over 6 months ago. The thought of them killing themselves over me tore me up but so did the manipulation. Eventually I came to realize if they really cared about me they would never try to manipulate me like that and that's when I left and I absolutely don't regret it. I still have no idea what happened to them but I'm guessing nothing happened because it was all just acting to manipulate me
I can't tell you what to do but you likely should do the same thing. And if you are worried call the police and tell them that that person is a threat to themselves

Dragonlady

2 years, 4 months ago

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@ Dragonlady

Just throwing this out there if you need to talk with someone who's been through the same situation feel free to pm me

RuffRyce

2 years, 4 months ago

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All I can say is don't be afraid to call 911 and stop stressing over shit you can't control. The energy is better spent on things you actually can control. You know they're using you and they clearly don't want help. Just remember that whatever they decide to do is their decision and theirs alone. All blaming yourself is gonna do is give them more and more power over you, which is exactly what they want.

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