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SomeStickyGoo

Life is hard right now…

Well I have fully recovered from COVID.
My mother and grandfather both did not however, I lost them.
I’m not sure honestly how I’m doing right now, to lose two people so close to me they both raised me for past 25 years. I’m feeling so empty right now and lost even the only people left in my family are my brother and grandmother and nephew. My grandmother was worried I might try to kill myself. I guess my mother told her of my suicidal episodes when I was younger, I was a different person then I don’t see myself doing anything like that least I hope not. I’m gonna try to push on but I feel different I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again. Happiness was hard before a rare fleeting thing, it feels almost impossible right now at least.
I did want to thank you all for your comments of support from my previous journal I really appreciated them it meant a lot, I loved reading them it felt nice, I’m sorry I didn’t reply I was still very sick then.
But anyway I just wanted to update you all on what’s been going on.
I really wish things had turned out different, I never imagined things would go this way or get this bad.
Viewed: 122 times
Added: 2 years, 5 months ago
 
wheelsosteele95
2 years, 5 months ago
sorry for your loss
SomeStickyGoo
2 years, 1 month ago
Thank you wheels for thinking of me it really does mean a lot. Truly.
I felt bad not even bothering to reply I’ve just men in a daze for the past few months.
I appreciated the thought months ago and I still do now.
wheelsosteele95
2 years, 1 month ago
*hugs you*
SomeStickyGoo
2 years, 1 month ago
Thanks!
Hugs!
wheelsosteele95
2 years, 1 month ago
*hugs you*
Psycho333
2 years, 5 months ago
You have my condolences
CFC
CFC
2 years, 5 months ago
dang man im sorry to hear that =( *hugs strength hugs* you stay strong  "death is not the end for us its just a begining of something new" thats what i belive and how i survived the deaths of my family who passedthe past 20 years
SomeStickyGoo
2 years, 1 month ago
Thank you CFC for thinking of me it really does mean a lot. Truly.
I felt bad not even bothering to reply I’ve just men in a daze for the past few months.
I appreciated the thought months ago and I still do now.
CFC
CFC
2 years, 1 month ago
thats understandable it was someone you held and is holding dear to you
SomeStickyGoo
2 years, 1 month ago
Yes they are dear to me!
I honestly don’t know what the future looks like without them in it, it’s scary.
CFC
CFC
2 years, 1 month ago
it always is scarey my friend *hugs ya* but dont dwell in the past its the worst one can do as it will create worse depression that could if your not prepeard go as far as suicide toghts and they arent plesent 2 or 3 times i been almost takeing my own life but once i found friends and other fluffs that helped abit tho i do use Cannabis for most of it but thats me its diffrent for every one *snuggles you close*
Mvindo
2 years, 5 months ago
omg i'm so sorry to hear that! it's the very worst thing about this disease - when it kills people you care about :'(
SomeStickyGoo
2 years, 1 month ago
Thank you for thinking of me it really does mean a lot. Truly.
I felt bad not even bothering to reply I’ve just men in a daze for the past few months.
I appreciated the thought months ago and I still do now.
damntohell0
2 years, 5 months ago
im so sorry for your loss. when you lose someone close to you, it feels like part of you went with them. this is what I believe, those who have left us are never truly gone but just went ahead earlier. so you should live your life in a way that won't shame them when you finally see them again.

hope that helps.
SomeStickyGoo
2 years, 1 month ago
Thank you dth for thinking of me it really does mean a lot. Truly.
I felt bad not even bothering to reply I’ve just men in a daze for the past few months.
I appreciated the thought months ago and I still do now.
damntohell0
2 years, 1 month ago
i understand, dont worry about it
CookieFoxBrandon
2 years, 5 months ago
*hug* Your loved ones would want you to go on and be happy, it'll get better friend, just gotta believe in that
SomeStickyGoo
2 years, 1 month ago
Thank you cookie for thinking of me it really does mean a lot. Truly.
I felt bad not even bothering to reply I’ve just men in a daze for the past few months.
I appreciated the thought months ago and I still do now.
SilverSpectre
2 years, 5 months ago
My deepest condolences. :(
SomeStickyGoo
2 years, 1 month ago
Thank you silver for thinking of me it really does mean a lot. Truly.
I felt bad not even bothering to reply I’ve just men in a daze for the past few months.
I appreciated the thought months ago and I still do now.
ManOfStories
2 years, 5 months ago
I'm sorry to hear that. I lost my grandfather last year, and he practically was like a father to me. I know there isn't much to be said, but.... I truly hope things get better.
SomeStickyGoo
2 years, 1 month ago
Thank you source for thinking of me it really does mean a lot. Truly.
I felt bad not even bothering to reply I’ve just men in a daze for the past few months.
I appreciated the thought months ago and I still do now.
ShadowAllianceinc
2 years, 5 months ago
Sorry to hear about that. I hope you'll be ok.
SomeStickyGoo
2 years, 1 month ago
Thank you raygon for thinking of me it really does mean a lot. Truly.
I felt bad not even bothering to reply I’ve just men in a daze for the past few months.
I appreciated the thought months ago and I still do now.
LemonMeringue
2 years, 5 months ago
That's so terrible! My condolences.
SomeStickyGoo
2 years, 1 month ago
Thank you lemon for thinking of me it really does mean a lot. Truly.
I felt bad not even bothering to reply I’ve just men in a daze for the past few months.
I appreciated the thought months ago and I still do now.
LemonMeringue
2 years, 1 month ago
That's good to hear. Keep on keepin' on!
Luvhppy1
2 years, 5 months ago
This sucks to hear man. Hope things turn out great in the future.
SomeStickyGoo
2 years, 1 month ago
Thank you happy for thinking of me it really does mean a lot. Truly.
I felt bad not even bothering to reply I’ve just men in a daze for the past few months.
I appreciated the thought months ago and I still do now.
ShadowAllianceinc
2 years, 1 month ago
That's ok. It's always the thought that counts. As I've told everyone else you guys are like family to me. That's just how I feel about the ones I care about. Even if we are in different cities,states, or countries & even if we are not related by blood it doesn't matter to me what matters the most is that I think about others & not myself. I'd rather care about the people that really understand you & don't care about your past. Each individual is different but the 1 thing they have in common is not only passion towards others but also opening your heart & telling people how you feel. Like the old saying it's the heart that really matters. Some people confine themselves but living a lonely life is not a life @ all. I'd rather care about others than to shut the world out completely. I've had a very complicated life in the past. I was full hatred when I was young. But as I grew older I learned to forgive those that has done me wrong. Now I just look forward to the future. I learned to be @ peace with what I have & not take it for granted. I learned that when I was 24 years old. 14 years later I'm always happy & smiling & wanting to make others happy as well. I've found my special someone & we've been together for 3 years. We're working on getting married but money is an issue. He works but I applied for a job as well but I haven't heard back from them. Anyways I'm over here rambling on. But @ least on some websites people are a lot nicer to each other & I appreciate each & everyone. Thank you
SomeStickyGoo
2 years, 1 month ago
I don’t mind your rambling it’s fine, it’s nice even.
I too think I may have found someone nice someone kind who cares.
I recently changed one of my screen names and a complete stranger took notice to the change and chatted me up a few weeks ago.
You know I’ve been feeling so low lately at my lowest point I’ll probably ever be at in my life.
I was crashing hard a few nights ago I was laying in bed and I think everything was just rushing through my mind and it was overwhelming me.
However I texted this person and they stayed up on into the wee hours till basically daybreak they cared enough to stay and comfort me. I’ve come to cherish this person they changed me changed my outlook on life changed how I treat others and remaining family and friends they’ve made me more open with my emotions.
It all happened just because I changed my name if I hadn’t I wonder if our paths would ever cross.
I don’t know if we’ll ever become a thing we live thousands of miles a part. But it doesn’t matter just then being here now is honestly enough they’ve basically tossed me a life line, because I think I was drowning before they showed up I don’t know if I’d be here typing this right now if it wasn’t for them.
I’ve been exhausted for months now but these past few days things have changed a little things are still bad most of the time but not all of it. I think there’s hope maybe for the future.
I hope you will be able to marry this special person and that they bring you joy!
ShadowAllianceinc
2 years, 1 month ago
Thank you somestickygoo. I'm the kind of person that never gives up on dreams. This 7 months has been hard for me. I lost my little brother & I'm going to be an uncle. So it's been a mix of happy & sad. But my nephew is to be named (according to my little sister) Bryan Lee & my familys last name.
SomeStickyGoo
2 years, 1 month ago
I’m sorry about your loss, I do know that pain!
I also know the feeling of having a nephew! Congrats!
Try to keep strong! As I will!
ShadowAllianceinc
2 years, 1 month ago
Thank you. I will because I have a good reason to stay strong.
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