10- Bebe's Kids - This feels less like a movie and more like the pilot pitch for a TV series. The writing isn't that clever, the jokes and comedic timing is not at all on point nad all of the characters are unlikeable. Not to mention that most of the movie is also forgettable.
How to fix- Having Bebe's Kids being little shits is the whole premise of the movie, but maybe, instead of the main character macking on Bebe, have both of them trying(and failing) to wrangle the kids in throughout the film.
9- Freddie as F.R.O.7. - Even though the animation is amazing and, when you get a band like Asia to make a song for your film, you know the musical numbers are going to slap. That being said, the story is a mess, not knowing whether it wants to be a fantasy film of a spy movie parody and the villains are so one dimensional that they might as well appear as featureless straight lines whenever they are on screen.
How to fix- Stick to one genre and give the villains more personality and better motivation.
8- Tom & Jerry: The Movie - Speaking of messy stories, this is how NOT to write a screenplay. The problem with the movie can be summed up as either: A. Tom and Jerry wandered into another movie or B. The other characters interrupt a Tom and Jerry theatrical short. It's like the fight scene from blazing saddles where they spill out onto the adjacent movie lots as they begin dragging the other movie sets into the big fight scene, except it's by complete accident and ruins everything.
How to fix- It should have done what the crossovers that came well over a decade later shoould have done where they try to work Tom and Jerry into the main plot as opposed to the other way around.
7- Pocahontas - Do I really need to say anything at this point? They made a movie so inoffensive that it offended everyone. not to mention it shits all over vital american history.
6- The Thief and the Cobbler(Miramax Cut) - "Well, we obtained the rights of this movie from Richard Williams and the animation looks gorgeous. What do we do now? Why, drag it through the mud and make it into a knock-off disney film, that's what!"
How to fix- Even though the movie is technically unfinished, just watch the Recobbled Cut and compare it to the Miramax Cut.
5- The King and I - Let me see: Nineties disney knock off? Check. lazy writing and god awful songs? Check. Uninspired and cliche characters? Check. retroactively ruinning it's source material? Double Check!
How to fix- Watch the original and ignore this filth.
4- Babes in Toyland - This movie feels like it was written in the sixties then was animated 30 years later. It's the only way that I can explain how a movie can be so anachronistic and yet, still be a painfully obvious product of it's decade.
How to fix- To quote the doctor from Action League Now!: "There's nothing I can do."
3- A Troll in Central Park -Oh boy, here we go! I fell that the worst Don Bluth movie needs no further introduction. There is little to no substance in this aspartame feuled cancer. The only things keeping it from being any higher up the list is that it's soundtrack is decent and Gnorga is a fun villain.
How to fix- Make it darker. We're talking Vantablack levels of dark.
2- Frozen - The only movie on this list not from my childhood but still not that great. Now, before you ready you torches, truncheons and pitchforks in an attempt to chase me back into the deep dark woods from whence I came, let me expalin. Frozen on it's own, while not the strongest disney movie, is still good. Not great, mind you, but it's not bad in a vacuum, However, not only are there many disney movies that are thrice as good, but you will never be able to enjoy the movie after you see what the original draft was and how the movie would have been.
How to fix- "He's dead, Jim." ~ Han Solo, Battlestar Galactica
1- Tarzan 2 - Do you know what the worst kind of movie is. It's a pointless movie. Even a bad movie can be entertaining when it has a point, but when a movie steals a precious 90 minutes of your life that you will never get back? THAT'S when you know a movie is irredeemable schlock.
How to fix- If you or someone you know has streamed this movie, then please complete the following 1. Turn off your computer and make sure it powers down 2. Drop it in a 43ft hole in the ground 3. bury it completely; rocks and boulders should be fine 4. Burn all the clothes you may have worn anytime you were online
Dishonorable Mentions:
-5) The ADGTH sequels after 2.
-4) The LBT Sequels after V
-3) Mars Needs Moms: How do you go from making a masterpiece like Chicken Little to this?!
-2) Looney Tunes: Back in Action: I'm technically cheating here, but when will I ever bring this movie up again?
-1) "Any live action remake of existing movies. Even the bad ones. It takes a ton of work and effort to create an animated experience, and live actions more often than not cheapen the moment." ~Asuarludu 2021
Now, lemme put this in a doggy bag so you can take it home with you.
Fun fact, Bebe is never seen, only mentioned. The 2 main characters are only their babysitters. Still a huge load.
F.R.O.7 is an acid trip. I actually had a friend show this to me as a type of revenge because I showed him a Russian short about a girl banging a bear whom she thought was a hairy guy. At least mine had a plot. The loch Ness monster was pretty cool.
I love the original King and l. This animated tripe would have looked beautiful if they stuck with that script. We didn't need fake Jafar.
I never saw Tarzan 2. I saw the series, and the series recap of " Tarzan and Jane". I saw the cover of Tarzan 2 and just noped out and went to the anime section.
ADGTH... the series was nice. It gave us sexy devil dog crush.
LBT... went from gripping to grinding. And not in the fun way.
Fun fact, Bebe is never seen, only mentioned. The 2 main characters are only their babysitters. S
