As some of you might know, I've kinda been stuck in a depressive episode recently. Speaking bluntly one of the worst I've been through. Scratch that. The worst. I've had moments and blips like this before. Yet nothing like this. They do, funnily enough..seem to come around every ten years or so. Can't say why that is but that does seem to be the pattern they stick too.
This one just came out of the blue, literally no warning. One second I was fine...the next...bam...full on constant panic. It's a hard thing to describe really. Not the panic..but the vagueness of it. If it had some focus or some real worry behind it I could maybe come to terms with it. Getting sick..getting fat...getting old. Those I can talk about. But when your body is just flooding you with adrenaline and who knows what else for no reason there isn't anything you can do.
I get these some mornings. Effect of a nightmare maybe. Don't know. Don't care. Just that it stops. These didn't. My usual tablets didn't help. Needed to get something stronger. Much stronger. Diazepam. Valium. Call it what you will. That was the only thing that did the trick. And that took a while I've got to say. Still..it worked.
Had a knock on effect with my writing thought. Most days these past two months..yeah..it really was two months...I couldn't muster up the focus to write anything very much. Something I'm working to fix and get back on with my list. Once I get my Covid jab tomorrow. Assuming that doesn't throw me for six as well. We will see.
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2 years, 8 months ago
19 Aug 2021 21:48 CEST
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