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[23] Why I Don’t Wanna Discuss Things and People by Name

This somewhat continues from Why I Don't Browse Anymore , though in a more tactical manner rather than sentimental. This isn’t exactly about why I feel this need inside me to stay away from new content, as that was explained in that journal, but this one is more about practical things instead, and why I think it is beneficial and important for me to never utter the names of anyone. And why I’m asking the same of anyone commenting on my stuff or communicating with me.

This mostly focuses on other artists that are somewhat like me, though not necessarily in content or personality, but just the general community of creating lewd fiction. This can include artists that I really like and almost admire (though I’m trying so hard not to because that only breeds disappointment), and artists that I dread to my core and that have done things which made my life far worse, as well as anything in between.
That said, it would make no sense if I drew the line so close to home, so I obviously also extend it as far as it is convenient, and while I might namedrop some people who can be considered artists, these will probably be very far from this community of drawing horny art. I’ll try not to, but it might not be possible especially when discussing music, since music to me feels very different from other forms of art that are more fiction-heavy, like stories or drawings.
On top of that, popular stuff might be hard not to discuss, especially if that something or someone is already heavily established in our culture, such as some acclaimed names of art and what not, but I’ll try to avoid it just for the formality of it.
When it comes to franchises, however, I admit that I might be a lot more arbitrary with it, and that will probably make sense once I explain my reasoning. So while I might try really hard to avoid naming individuals, naming franchises might be more lax.

Well, since I want to be honest and upfront, let’s start with the mean reason first: I don’t want to give extra exposure to things I don’t approve of.
I had to learn this lesson the hard way, but whining and complaining about someone on the internet only makes them stronger. If I can help it, I don’t want to be behind any additional exposure for the people that have (unknowingly) made my life worse (even if they didn’t mean to).
This also extends to things that I think could negatively affect others as well, since I imagine that the negative effect it had on me could also extend to others. I’m not helping anyone find something they will regret finding if I don’t say the name. I want to lower the effect these things have on people at large, and this is really the only way forward I see. Not talking about it in any way shape or form. Doing my best not to diffuse these ideas.

Another less-than-nice reason is that I don’t want drama. That might sound like a nice thing to say but it isn’t. It would be idiotic for me to NOT do my best to minimize the target on my back. I don’t want trouble with anyone, I don’t want heat on me. There are so many easy ways for people to ruin this experience for me and I don’t want to do anything that instigates them to. I hope that revealing my true feelings on the matter (and that I’m not that good of a person) doesn’t attract any negative attention. I beg you, please spare me. I’m doing my best to not get in anyone’s way, okay? I just wanna do my own thing, live my own life. I don’t wanna have to simp for anyone or to bow down and live in constant fear of what may happen if I displease them, but I also don’t want to give anyone motivation to use my flaws against me.
If an artist out there gets confirmation that they’re one of those I disagree with and dislike, I might suffer for that even if they themselves display zero hostility, because fans might still find reason to come and punish me for not liking that artist. It’s the internet, we’ve all seen it happen, please understand that I’m made from wet toilet paper.

A more neutral reason is that it might sour things between people who like my stuff and also like stuff that I dislike. If they find out that I dread a certain artist that they really like, it may cause them to feel bad and it may make things less fun for them when it comes to my art. Well, this is a bit of a stretch, of course, even more so than the previous point, but I just want to express that I’m taking this into consideration too.
This is less as a justification and more as a persuasion. I’m trying to show that if you like my stuff, this game of silence might be beneficial to you as well.

A more tactical one is that by not knowing what exactly I’m talking about, and who I actually know, it will hopefully make things harder for people trying to convince me that it’s not that bad, and that I should give X or Y artist another try. This is a form of response that I have encountered before, though not that often, and it makes me think that some might be tempted to prove to me that I’m missing out if I allow them to know who I’m talking about. This basically stems from the fact that I can have a wrong impression on this or that person, which is very true, and it leads people to try to show me that the stuff I fear isn’t really what the artist likes. Even if that is true and I was wrong, I don’t want to see anything anymore, explanation here .

A sad and paranoid reason is that I don’t want to set myself up for foolishness. This concerns the ones that I actually like and could end up praising for never doing the things that make me feel bad. And then someone comes along and reveals that actually, they do, and not only do I feel bad for losing another artist from my “safe list”, but also for looking like an idiot. I don’t want to be disappointed anymore. If anyone out there does things that would upset me, I don’t want to know even if they’re one of the artists I still like. As I said, I’m probably never going to browse or look at new art ever again , and will probably even avoid the stuff I’ve saved , so new information is not needed.

And the final one ties in with this and the bit of this about those who don’t know me despite me knowing them. I think it’s expected of others to connect to me just a bit more if they come to know I know them and that I’m familiar with them, and that their art has inspired me or that we have a favorite artist in common. While it’s true that most will probably respect my desire to not grow in proximity, that doesn’t change the feelings inside them, and if I can minimize that, then I think I should. I don’t think connecting with anyone might lead anywhere good for us, and it’s really easy to imagine someone wanting to befriend me if they like what I make and catch me talking about how I also love THEIR stuff.

Again, I do know a lot of people here and in other communities, though not personally. I’m familiar with them and their content. I know what they like and that we share some interests, but I will pretend to know nothing. If anyone asks me if I know this or that artist, or this or that person, the response will probably almost always be the same. Never heard of them in my life.
The same might extend to franchises or content as well. Even if it’s something I know intimately, I’ll pretend I don’t know what it is and that I’ve never seen it.
The response can also be true of course, because since I’ve isolated myself for so long, there are a lot of new people and things I have no clue about, and this will hopefully help muddy the waters.

Now I’m going to discuss why I want others to behave the same around me, on my pages, journals, submissions or when messaging me.
Great part of it has to do with me not wanting to see anything new anymore , of course, but there is also the reason that retrieving information or confirmation from this is probably very easy.

Well, it obviously does not help a lot of the reasons listed above this if people are saying names around me, now does it? Just saying things even if I don’t know them or if I have no history with them will at the very least send some curious eyes after it, and as I said before, I don’t want that.
I’m not trying to control anyone’s life. If you want to share your interests, I’m obviously not going to stop you. But please, keep in mind that doing it on my face will make me upset, as it’s literally making my efforts futile. I just think that would be a little bit rude, please don’t.

Another problem that I worry about is that the influence of many popular artists in this fandom is stamped all over my work when it comes to their preferred themes. Extracting this information from my drawings might be as easy as just saying the name. Anyone who knows will know, and that isn’t good for me. Now, I’ll try my best to never specify whether a given influence is one of the artists I still feel safe about or if they’re one of the artists I dread, but I think that is also pretty easy to figure out, given the themes that I claim to dislike .
The reason why I still see some hope is simple. There is no guarantee that I know about the things I dislike in a given artist’s gallery, since I’m not all too familiar with all of my influences. Please keep this in mind. I’m stressing this because I don’t really want to offend or upset anyone by indirectly claiming that their art made my life worse, and it might still be easy to figure out if you assume that I have perfect information on all the artists that influenced me. But I don’t, which is why I feel that it’s valid to hide the ones that I do know about, masking them among the ones I don’t.
Now, I might be specific about a given influence ending up becoming dreadful to me in some drawings I made before, where I couldn’t resist being heavily inspired by them, since I wrote those descriptions before returning to the fandom. If I ever post those drawings without changing that about the descriptions, it may leak information, if that happens I apologize.

I also ask that people don’t talk in code. That’s only for me, and only when I need to say something very specific, but I would appreciate if others refrained from it. This is because there is no guarantee that I will actually know what you’re talking about, but also because it helps people figure things out, which invalidates my efforts. If you are extremely confident that I know an artist and you feel like it’s important to talk about, then I welcome speaking in code that you think I would recognize, but only in private, not in public comments and things like that. Just please, don’t say things like “that artist that does [insert thing I dislike]”, because that might be revealing me things I’d rather not know.
This is especially true if you think YOU are an artist or commissioner that I know. I’m still not sure what to do if that happens, so I won’t really forbid anything, but don’t expect much. I might end up pretending you’re mistaken and that I have never heard of you, so keep that in mind.
As for saying actual names, I beg you to please never do it, especially when revealing something about the artist. That’s information I don’t want.

For franchises, speaking in code is more acceptable, but only for franchises that you are absolutely sure I know. Again, I don’t want to be exposed to anything new , and even just clues about the franchise might give me information I don’t want.
For franchises that are mostly about the designs and less about the story, and that aren’t only very popular with the fandom, but that also generate a lot of fan characters, I don’t think I would mind too much. These are things like Pokemon or My Little Pony, of course. Hiding these would hard, futile and detrimental, while talking in code would probably be useless, since everyone would know what it is.
For franchises that people are more connected to due to the original characters, rather than their fan characters, I request more caution, especially if you’re not sure if I know about it. And for franchises that have any themes in them that are really dark, just please never mention them one way or the other. Use this to see if a piece of fiction would upset me.

If I’m doing commissions or other ways of drawing for other people, I realize that I might need to be exposed to a few things, and I’m not sure what to do with that yet. Again, I might clarify it here if I’m open. If I’m closed, then it doesn’t really matter, does it?

Now, one important final note is to not take this too seriously. It’s not the end of the world if someone does it, but I will be disappointed in them. I’m not going to silence, block or censor anyone if they do it, but just know that it damages all my efforts.
Regardless, I still feel like doing it on my end is important even if others don’t follow. I don’t know how much people would actually care about me disagreeing with the art they create, and coming to learn that I’m talking about them, but I hope it doesn’t cause any grievances. As I said before, I’m just trying to do my own thing and because I don’t look at art anymore, it doesn’t really matter to me if it’s not being brought up around me. So it’s not like I have anything against anyone.
If you end up finding out that you’re one of the artists or commissioners I used to really like but that I now dread, and if that makes you feel bad. I’m sorry, I really don’t mean any hard feelings.

Now, my biggest concern is contrarian motivation, right? When some people see something like this, they might feel the desire to do the opposite, especially when they are given a challenge. This could be the paranoid, OCD part of my brain freaking out about things that probably won’t happen. But I understand the possibility that if I ever get popular, some might have entire charts tracking me down, what I say and what I draw, trying to pinpoint exactly the entirety of artists I’ve been influenced by.
Please tell me this concern is stupid, because it sounds stupid, but I still worry about it a bit.
I could have said nothing in fear of anyone doing the opposite of what I ask, but since this isn’t an anonymous place I think I would rather let people know my boundaries than to play those sorts of silly games.
Viewed: 117 times
Added: 10 months, 2 weeks ago
9 months ago
im all for making your own interent experience safe and comfortable for yourself and others and id never do anything to harm someone on purpose, but i think it might be difficult to expect every single person you meet both online and irl to know about every rule and intricacy you have about talking with you or even just being seen by you. im not saying youre wrong or anything, definitely not, but im just saying you cant expect everyone to know and remember all these things. I know youre making these things clear to avoid that, but im just worried how youll manage to keep using the internet and even just seeing things irl that upset you that much. idrk anything about you im just some rando but i just hope youll be okay. Im sorry if that sounds weird coming from a complete stranger. but best of luck to you and i hope you wont have to deal with anything unsavory in the future
9 months ago
I'm a cheeky bastard, these guidelines are there so I can point out that they were neglected when they are neglected. The reason why I make such a huge effort to let people know is that as a consequence, the only way they get ignored or violated is if:
A - person cares enough to contact me or comment on my stuff... but not enough to actually read my stuff, showing laziness...
or B - person disagrees with these guidelines enough to disrespect them despite knowing about them, showing hostility.

It helps alert me who is what, and what to expect from each individual. People who say "I've read your journals and I understand" and then keep being friendly and respectful do exist, which is very nice and I'm very thankful for that.
So far I only had a single hostile one that broke a guideline on purpose, but they did it once and vanished, so that doesn't seem to be too much of a problem.

Also don't worry, it's not like it breaks my soul when people do that. I'm a big boy, I've been through this stuff, I know how to protect myself, I have trained instincts for that.
What violating my guidelines actually does is reveal something about the nature of who violated them, and I intend that to be how it works.
9 months ago
ah okay, thats good to hear! glad no ones harassing you now
also a bit off topic but sometimes people end up commenting on something without going through the whole person's profile or gallery not because of laziness, but just some people dont have the energy to do that.  i get really socially exhausted easily and even if im not directly speaking to someone, focusing a lot of time on a person makes me tired. i hope that doesnt sound rude or anything, i dont mean to be, but idk some things are harder for people to do i guess, haha. i might just be super introverted tho i dont know about others
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