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ChocolateKitsune

On Vicarious Thrill (Vent/Self-reflection)

It's late at night at the end of a day I set aside for rest, and boredom turned its sights inwards to latch onto whatever the insecurity of choice might be.

Tonight's is my long-standing fear that folks don't identify with where I've gone with my art, and it's no longer as much of a source of wish-fulfilment for them as it used to be.

I can't deny that sexual gratification is still the main goal of what I do, and it's fine if that's mostly what folks get out of it; but there's a lot of myself that goes into what I make and how I do it. I've felt a lot like that aspect of it no longer resonates with, or has outright alienated some of my audience.

For as long as I can remember, a major part of what I do has been motivated by providing folks with a source of escapism and self-fulfilment via the fantasies in my art. Over the past couple of years I've wanted to shift the focus more towards stories I'd like to tell by way of the characters I've made and the worlds they weave around themselves; however, I wonder if it's a bit too much to ask of most folks to follow along with the stories mostly implied by the art I share - that it could be just a little impenetrable and harder to get invested in now.

It's a scary prospect that my own choices might have undermined people's interest in and the self-fulfilment they glean from what I make. It's also not something that can be easily quantified or helped either way. I'm still gonna keep striving for what I find most satisfying to make, and I hope I continue being lucky enough to have an audience who enjoys it enough to keep me afloat while I do it.

I think I prefer being overly aware of myself as opposed to lacking the ability of self-reflection, but today was meant to be a day off. Would be nice if my self-doubt didn't creep in so consistently whenever I've been disciplined enough to give myself time to relax, is all.
Viewed: 48 times
Added: 3 weeks, 4 days ago
 
DizzyCSarrosong
3 weeks, 4 days ago
i have the same problem altho im not much of an artist  ive wrote a paw full of diaper/vore related stories and then kind of just lost the spark that got me writing them in the first place. and it realy doesn't help that vore/diaper combo is a pretty neish genre of kink,  and my anxyety always has me second guesing my every move.

i do love your art style you do good work Chocolate
ChocolateKitsune
3 weeks, 3 days ago
Thank you Dizzy, I appreciate that. Despite having done this for so many years, I still second guess what I'd like to make in case it puts folks off or if it'll be the thing that does me in for good. It's unreasonable to think that way, since I can count the times I've ever gotten any backlash for my work on one hand, but negativity bias is unfortunately a very real thing.
thejediluke
3 weeks, 4 days ago
I can't speak for all, but I know I've watched your artwork the past couple years, and I've enjoyed it very much. I'm glad you draw what you do, because you're a great artist, and there isn't a large number of people who draw these kinks and draw them well.

Your work is very much appreciated, and I'm sorry you don't hear that more often. Thank you, ChocolateKitsune, for all that you do!

Sorry for so many edits.
ChocolateKitsune
3 weeks, 3 days ago
Thank you Luke, I appreciate you taking the time to say so. I also worry if I'm being too negative whenever I post about these problems I have with my mindset and morale, so it's very reassuring to know that folks care enough to read and give their thoughts despite having talked about similar issues time and time again.

I want to continue pushing on and making my artwork in spite of all the challenges that don't seem to want to go away, so being able to talk about them honestly and openly really helps me deal with them in a constructive way.
Malachyte
3 weeks, 3 days ago
I've seen a number of other artists voice a similar feeling as well. I think that's one of the challenges artists face when they move from mainly commission-based art to a mix of personal and commissioned art. You start to worry that drawing your own scenarios and ideas is, as you said, alienating. I can't speak for the whole fandom, but I can speak for about two dozen of them, and I feel like that's a decent sample size. We love to see an artist's personal ideas and pet projects and kinks! You have the title of Furry Artist, which in this little fandom is like a fun-size snickers portion of being a celebrity. You make cool content and you are automatically a little bit mysterious. People want to see just what's going on in that head of yours. How do you draw so good? Why are you the way you are? When you show us personal art, it's like seeing a slow motion, image based interview with you. We learn some of the twists and turns that brought you where you are now, and it's fascinating. Also, I'm sure you've had clients that have said something like, "My favorite commissions are the ones where the artist is excited to draw it/had fun making it." Your audience enjoys seeing you excited about what you make, whether it's commissions or doodles or personal and specific kinks. It's fun to see that!

Last bit I'll say is; I am not interested in hypnosis, or mind control. I think diapers are cute, but only in a passing way. I'm ever so lightly interested in ABDL themes. You draw a lot of things in these areas, so someone may wonder, "Why are you following Choco's art, Mal?" And it's because I enjoy the way you draw. I feel like you really put your own spin on things, they have a lot of personality and feel... I dunno, lively! And your live streams, too. You're a good streamer host, which leaves me feeling even more positive associations with what you draw. I like your super fluffy art style, too. But hands down it's the feeling in your art that I enjoy most. If you happen to draw a kink or topic I'm interested in? Cool man. But when you don't? I'm still just, super here for it.

I dunno, it's hard to voice things like this in concrete language. I really, really hope this gets across as a compliment. You're a cool artist, and I like seeing your view through your art.
ChocolateKitsune
3 weeks, 2 days ago
Thank you Mala <3 I get what you're saying and I appreciate it all. I had to come to terms very early on that what I want to make is unlikely to appeal completely to most folks, so having an audience that can at least appreciate my own aesthetic and takes on the themes they might not be into is invaluable for me to pursue my craft and feel motivated while doing so.

It's certainly a wonderful compliment from another artist who I consider a friend, and it means a lot to me.
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